Jennifer Probst: The Tantric Principle

“Like?”

“Like giving up the promotion for him. But you’re as smart as I always knew you were.

You kicked him to the curb and now the possibilities are endless. Sanders has his eye on you for partner. Just make sure you bring me with you. Don’t forget me on the climb to the top.” Someone shouted his name and he turned from her. Arianna watched the other team members eat cake and laugh and drink champagne. The truth struck hard and deep while she watched the bubbles lie flat in her glass.

Her talent wasn’t the only thing that got her this promotion.

Seems her lack of anything else in life was a primary factor to reach the pinnacle of success. The knowledge killed something deep inside of her. She felt the shift, but refused to analyze it any further.

She raised her glass and drank.

Arianna walked into the studio. Sunlight streamed through the open windows and soaked the wood to a golden gleam. People mingled in groups along tables which held cage after cage of dogs and cats. Both human and canine voices rang through the air in the early morning hours.

The Yoga for Rescue Animals Walkathon was in full swing.

Arianna made her way through the vast crowds to her assigned pet and spoke with the shelter’s representative. She leaned over to peek in and her gaze clashed with a pair of brown soulful eyes surrounded by a mat of white fur. Those eyes spoke to Arianna immediately. They were eyes that held a rough past. Eyes that gleamed with need and a tiny bit of despair. Eyes that didn’t want to give up.

She took a deep breath and reached in.

“Her name is Cloud,” the representative told her. Arianna nodded and felt her throat tighten as her hands clasped warm, soft fur. “She’s very gentle so you don’t have to worry. She needs a lot of TLC since her ordeal, so if you want to cuddle her, walk her, and then feed her we’d appreciate it.” The rep smiled cheerfully. “Of course, we’re hoping you fall in love and adopt her.”

Arianna lowered her head and placed a kiss on the top of Cloud’s furry head. She felt the dog stiffen, then snuggle into her with a sigh of relief. She walked with her bundle out the studio door and onto the grounds.

Students milled around with their dogs in groups, laughing and sharing pet stories.

Leashes and cages and bowls and toys scattered the once pristine lawn. A lively game of catch with a drippy tennis ball took place across the field. Arianna settled her back against an old oak tree and let Cloud get her bearings. Her gaze scanned her surroundings, but she didn’t see Grant.

She figured he’d be crazed at this point, trying to organize both students and shelter representatives, along with the huge crowd of onlookers.

Arianna tried to interest her adoptee with a toy bone and a squeaky toy. Both were ignored for the comfort of her lap. Cloud settled herself comfortably in the warm notch between her legs. Her head rested on her thigh with sheer canine delight. With a soft mutter of pleasure, she closed her eyes and took a nap in the morning sun. With a deep sense of peace, Arianna leaned her head against the trunk and let herself nap with her temporary dog.

Grant took long legged strides through the organized chaos, mentally checking off his list of things to do. The event was a big success, and he hoped the advertising brought in new clients and the crowds adopted all the animals. He had been looking for Arianna, but her burgundy hair remained elusive in the crowds. He waved at some students and made his way to the front door.

Then saw her.

Woman and dog rested against the bark of a tree in utter silence, as if wrapped up in a bubble. Grant watched the couple take an early snooze, seemingly separate from the noise and waves of laughter that echoed through the breeze. Silky dark cinnamon strands fell around her cheeks and obscured her face. Long legs encased in jeans cuddled a white blob of fur that seemed quite content, one paw casually flipped over her knee as if to claim her. She rubbed the back of the dog in unconscious tenderness, a tenderness he received over and over whenever she took him into her bed. With a blinding flash, he watched the flickering images of his life play before him in slow motion. Marriage. House. Dog. Baby.

Love.

He longed to ask her to stay. Knew when she walked away from him he’d live with regret till the end of his days. She was everything he’d ever wanted in a woman. A whole heart. A gutsy soul. A sharp mind and a clever mouth and a gentle smile.

As if sensing his presence, her eyes fluttered open and she turned his gaze to meet his.

Then smiled.

He smiled back, his heart in a vise. Then walked toward her. “Hey, babe. Did you replace me already?”

“Not unless I changed teams. She’s a girl. Meet Cloud.” He leaned down and scratched the dog’s head, then under her chin while she made pleasant doggy sounds. “She looks happy.” He paused. “So do you.” She opened her mouth to say something, then seemed to think better of it. “I always wanted a dog. We had a sheep dog back in Iowa and leaving him was as hard as leaving my parents.”

“Why didn’t you get one?” he asked.

Her face suddenly turned melancholy. “I couldn’t offer a dog anything. I work evenings and weekends. It wouldn’t be fair.” She shook off the emotion and looked up. “How about you?

Animal lover?”

“Huge. Dog fan. Grew up with a dog most of my life, and ended up leaving my last one back in Chicago with my ex-wife. Like you, it hurt almost as much to leave the dog.”

“And now?”

“Just like you. I put everything into the school and don’t want to feel guilty. I needed to be selfish for a while.”

The words lay between them and pulsed with hidden meaning. Grant was happy. Had been happy for a while, until a witchy siren floated into class and stole his peace. Suddenly, he wanted a dog again. He wanted her to stay. He wanted a life of permanence and white picket fences and an herb garden. Jesus, what was wrong with him?

Almost angrily, he stood up. “I have a lot to take care of. Enjoy Cloud. I’ll hook up with you later.” He turned and strode away.

Arianna watched him go with a mix of emotions she didn’t want to name. Since the night of his confession, she remained distant. She slept in his bed every night and went to class, but struggled to keep the deepest part of herself separate. Because she knew he could destroy her. He already had with those cleverly thought out words. She loved his honesty, but realized he may not feel as deeply about her, at least not enough to want to make their relationship permanent.

A shadow fell over her, interrupting her thoughts.

Missy and another student, Hannah, stood before her, smiling. “Hi, Arianna,” Missy greeted. “Who is this cutie pie?”

Unease danced down her spine, but she answered casually. “This is Cloud. How are you guys? Did you get a pet of your own yet?”

Missy and Hannah didn’t wait for an invitation but plopped down on the grass beside her as if they were close friends. “We have cats for the day. I may keep mine, my apartment is pretty conductive to animals. How about you?”

“We’ll see.”

“You work a lot though, don’t you? Long hours. Advertising, isn’t it?” Arianna held back a groan at Missy’s pretend interest. This was going to be bad. Very bad. Arianna prayed for yoga strength to hold her temper. Or at least not curse. “Yes, I work in advertising. You’re still taking classes to be something, right?” Direct hit. Missy liked to flaunt her youthful body, but not her mind. At least, not until it settled on a career. “I’ve actually decided I may be branching out to teaching.” White teeth gleamed like pearls caught in the nasty grip of an oyster. “In fact, Grant has agreed to bump me into the teaching classes as soon as I get certified. I could be his assistant.” Arianna steered clear of that one and decided to exit. “That’s nice. Well, I better get going and—“