J. Cooper - The Other Side of Love

“I’m back, but everything isn’t the same as it was before, Sidney. My life didn’t stop when I went away. Life continued for you and for me. New complications arose. I guess there are troubles to be left and to be found.”

“Where did you go?”

“I can’t say.”

“You mean you won’t say.”

“Yeah.” There was no need to lie to Sidney; he knew the deal. “I’ll talk about it later. I don’t want to think about it now.”

“Lucky got some good ideas for the documentary. She’s a history buff like you. She knows a lot about civil rights.” Sidney changed the subject and I smiled to myself. He always knew how to read me.

“I’m excited to hear them.”

“Yes. It will be good to get your life back on track.” Sidney paused again. “I’m glad you’re back, you know.”

“I know.” I couldn’t stop myself from smiling into the phone, even though I knew he couldn’t see me. “I’m glad to be back as well.” I hung up and looked up slowly to see Lucky staring at me from the doorway with a half-smile.

“Hey, I just wanted to let you know that breakfast was ready.”

“Thanks.” I nodded and remained seated and she walked into the room uncertainly.

“Do you have someone that you left behind?” She chewed on her bottom lip and stared into my eyes earnestly. “Asides from Zane, I mean. Did you leave a girlfriend behind? We just assumed that Angelique was the girl you were seeing, because you know, you were devastated by her dumping you.” She made a face. “Thank God that wasn’t true. But was there someone else?” She took a deep breath, as she stopped rambling and she looked into my eyes searchingly but slightly hesitantly. I could tell that she felt like she was prying a little bit and wasn’t sure if she was stepping over the line.

“I wasn’t seeing anyone seriously when I left.” I shrugged. “But you’re right, Angelique wasn’t the love of my life by any means.”

“I wonder why she believed that you were so in love with her that you would take your life.” Lucky frowned. “I mean, if she hadn’t believed that one point, everything could have been ruined.”

“Angelique would believe she was an angel from heaven if you told her that.” I laughed. “She wasn’t low in self-confidence.”

“I guess that’s true.” Lucky sat down next to me. “Are you okay, Noah? I know that Zane has been a little distant, and we haven’t really asked you how you’re doing. We’ve been so happy to see you alive that we haven’t really thought about anything else. But I assume you’ve had a life the last year or so, away from here. It must have been hard to start over and then have to leave.”

“It wasn’t hard.” I jumped up as my stomach growled. “Zane has always been the first person in my thoughts, and it was never my intention for him to think I was dead and gone this long. I couldn’t stay there when I knew that Zane was out here with a hole in his heart.”

“You’re the first person in his life, too.” Lucky walked with me to the door. “I don’t know that I’ve ever seen the light in his eye that returned when you came back from the dead.”

“Not anymore.” I spoke matter-of-factly, and I saw Lucky’s face drop. I grabbed ahold of her hands and stopped her at the top of the stairs. “My brother loves you, and I’m not sad that you are his main concern now. That’s how it should be. That’s how true love should be. I’m still his brother and he will always love me, but you’re the one he lives for.” The words were passionate on my lips, and I laughed as I realized that Zane had figured it all out before me. Oh, the irony of the situation was fantastic. It hurt just like a knife had been stabbed into my heart and twisted, and I stood still for a moment as I absorbed the unspoken grief and loss that sat in me.

“Noah.” Lucky’s eyes flashed with concern and she grabbed my shoulders as I refocused on her. “We’re going to have to talk. Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow. But someday, you’re going to talk to me. Because the worst thing you can do is keep your worries to yourself.”

“Okay.” I nodded and then smiled. “Thank you.”

“No worries.” She grinned at me as my stomach growled. “Now, let’s go get you some food.”

“This is where people go when they want to disappear.” She didn’t smile as she looked me over slowly and intently. “No one else moves to Palm Bonita.”

“I didn’t move here because I wanted to disappear.” I shrugged and stared into her eyes confidently. I stood in the alleyway and wondered who this woman was who had just walked up to me out of the blue.

“Maybe you didn’t want to disappear, but you had to.” Her eyes issued me a challenge and I hid my surprise. She was smarter than I thought she would be. But to be honest, my thoughts weren’t based on anything other than her looks. She looked too beautiful to be intelligent. I suppose a feminist would kill me for saying that, but then again, I wouldn’t say it out loud. I knew that my thoughts were based on my own masculinity, but based on her looks I thought she’d be an airhead. She had long white-blonde hair and big doleful blue eyes that glittered at me with an emotion akin to distaste.

“Perhaps.”

“I know guys like you.” She laughed and shook her head. “You think you know me just by my looks, but let me tell you, mister, you know absolutely nothing about me.”

“I think you’ve got it a bit twisted. You were the one claiming to know me, not the other way around.”

“No, I was just the honest one. I spoke my thoughts out loud.” She turned around then and walked away from me. I hurried up to catch her, feeling confused and annoyed at myself for getting off on the wrong foot already with someone in my new town.

“Hey, wait, I’m sorry.” I grabbed ahold of her shoulder and she flinched, glaring at me as she pulled away quickly.

“Don’t touch me.”

“I didn’t mean to scare you.” My eyes narrowed, and this time I looked at her for a longer period of time. I studied her face carefully this time; I tried to look beyond the surface of her perfect features. Her eyes looked red and puffy as if she had been crying a lot, and her lips looked cracked under her lip gloss. Her cheekbones seemed too pronounced for her face, and her clothes hung on her body as if they were too big. She was either wearing someone else’s clothes or she had lost a lot of weight recently.

“You didn’t scare me.”

“So why did you want to disappear?” I smiled at her weakly, and her eyes flashed at me, looking me over in distrust.

“So you admit it, you came here to get away?”

“I’m dead.” I laughed, but no smile crossed my face.

“I’m dead too.” She nodded and ran her hands through her hair. She had understood exactly what I meant.

“I’m Noah.” I reached out my hand to shake hers. “I mean, I’m Mikey.”

“It’s best not to use any names.” Her handshake was firm, but her fingers felt soft and cold. I wanted to rub them between mine, to warm her up. “It’s safer that way.”

“How long have you been here?”

“Three months.” Her voice lowered. “And if I were you, I wouldn’t ask too many people too many questions. Most of us didn’t come here to get away from something bad.”

“What do you mean?” I frowned, not really sure what she meant.

“Most of the people in Palm Bonita are the bad. They have come here to disappear so that they won’t be caught.”