Jennifer Probst - Searching for Someday

Who was not Slade Montgomery.

Yes, he’d wriggled himself into the seams of her life, but after tonight, she’d pull way back. No reason to torture herself with a man who wasn’t meant to be with her. He may have had some second thoughts and tried to help her out, but continuing on this path would only hurt them both. Well, at least her.

She was buzzed into his apartment and tried not to limp as she crossed the threshold. Damn boots were a killer. Kate tried not to think of the long drive ahead and tempted herself with the image of her butt in the recliner, her sweats, and a good night’s sleep.

“Hey.” Her heart leaped at the wide grin on his face. The dragging of paws over the floors echoed and she opened her arms to welcome her companion. Face bright with expectation, Robert licked her and they snuggled for a few minutes. “He did great. I bathed him, then put the salve on his sores. He peed all day and drank lots of water. We had a good time, didn’t we, buddy?”

Robert cocked his head and gave a half nod of agreement.

“Why don’t you show Mommy what you got today? Robert, go get your bunny.”

The dog turned, disappeared briefly, and returned with a fluffy stuffed bunny clasped between his teeth. Kate gasped. “What do you have, baby?” She took the wet bunny from his mouth and studied it in astonishment. “He actually likes this?”

Slade frowned. “What’s the matter? He’s allowed toys, right?”

“No, that’s not the problem. I’ve tried to give him stuffed toys all the time and he hated them. Almost as if they were beneath him. He only enjoyed the occasional bone or ball.”

Denying her statement, Robert reached out, grabbed the toy, and began working the hidden squeaker. Chirpy sounds emitted from the bunny, and each time his ears pricked.

Slade laughed. “Guess he thinks it’s manly enough now. Maybe I had to give it to him so he knew it was all right. Probably didn’t want to embarrass his mom by acting like a puppy.”

Pleasure bloomed as she watched him play. When she finally broke her gaze, she smiled and looked up.

Fire.

Kate caught her breath as the connection caught and buzzed between them. Hunger gleamed in his green eyes, and he seemed to hold himself in a muscle lock, as if afraid to even move for fear of grabbing her. She fisted her hands and prayed for strength. Jumping into his arms and pulling off his clothes was a bad idea. She was tired, worn out, and emotionally vulnerable. If she stood strong, she’d get past this hurdle and leave him behind.

“Kate—”

“I better get going, it’s really late. Thanks for doing this for me, I really appreciate it.”

“Did you eat?”

“Yes, just came from dinner.”

“You look exhausted. Look, let me make you a cup of coffee before you go. It’ll perk you up a bit for the drive. Sit down.”

“I don’t think—”

“Please.”

Her feet throbbed and her eyes itched. Coffee would probably be good. A few more minutes wouldn’t hurt. She nodded. “Thanks.”

He disappeared into the kitchen. “Why don’t you try out the recliner?” he called out. “The remote’s on the table.”

A merry squeak of agreement cut through the air.

She shook her head and eased onto the chair. The supple leather cradled her rear, and it was already warm. She cranked up the heat a digit more, reclined the seat back, and swallowed a moan. Best. Chair. Ever. With her feet up, the blood flowed back into her toes. “This thing should be illegal.” His laugh echoed. The scent of freshly ground beans drifted from the kitchen. “Is this where you make the magic happen for your clients?”

“Nah, that’s where I recover.”

“What made you decide to go into divorce law? Were your parents divorced?”

He materialized beside her with a mug. She went to get up, but he stopped her. “No, stay and relax.” She took the cup and sipped the strong, hearty brew. Heaven. “My parents died in a car crash, so no, I can’t claim a set of emotionally abusive parents. I just kept seeing the effects of what broken relationships did, even before marriage. Too many times one person gets screwed. I wanted to fight and be the voice for him. Or her.”

Fascinated, she probed his gaze. Behind that charming, seductive exterior beat the heart of a complicated man. She’d gotten glimpses of it the night they spent together, but Kate bet there was a world more to discover. A pang hit her when she realized she wouldn’t be the woman to complete the treasure hunt. “I’m sorry about your parents,” she said softly. “My dad died a few years back and there’s still a hole inside. Jane is lucky to have you looking out for her.”

“She’s not letting me do much anymore. But I still feel responsible.”

“Why?” she asked curiously. “What happened that has you so afraid Jane will get hurt?”

He shifted his feet and she prepared herself for the expert dodge of her question. Instead, he dragged in a breath and answered. “Jane was very emotionally sensitive. She was bullied in school and had some bad relationships with men who used her. After our parents died, I tried to look out for her. She got involved with this guy who was a musician. I knew it was a disaster from the beginning, but she refused to listen. He ended up taking all her savings and leaving town.”

“What happened?” she asked.

“I came home one night, walked in the bathroom, and found her lying on the floor. She had overdosed on pills and was unconscious. Got her to the hospital in time, they pumped her stomach, but it was a while before she mentally came back. That son of a bitch had broken her. She’d believed in him, and he’d broken her heart.”

She didn’t answer for a while. The air between them heightened with awareness, and Kate sensed he rarely told anyone about that part of his life. “Love is a funny thing,” Kate said softly. “If we don’t love ourselves first, the emotion can be redirected in harmful ways. I’ve seen Jane these past few weeks. She’s grown, she’s confident, and she’s ready for this journey. I don’t think she would’ve made it this far without you. Personally, I think the woman you give your heart to is lucky. She gets it for life.”

Emotion clogged her throat and she fought the urge to scurry out of his house like a rat escaping an exterminator. It was just too much. His green eyes darkened as if he sensed her need to run. “I’m sorry about that morning, Kate.” His simple apology blasted the room like cannon fire. “I was an asshole.”

She fought a half laugh. God, the man even knew how to apologize correctly. “Accepted. We were both a bit off-kilter.”

“I panicked.”

“Yeah, I seem to do that to men.”

He chuckled. “I’m kind of nuts about you. And the night we spent together was one of the best in my life.”

“And here comes the but .”

“But I don’t think I can give you what you need.”

The grief surprised her, but Kate had a new respect for this man willing to face the truth. “I know.”

He jerked back. “You do?”

She gave a sad smile. “I want marriage. Children. A man to say he loves me and means it with his whole heart. I want a guy to love Robert like his own and be willing to involve himself in the chaotic mess that’s life with no guarantees. I need someone with a lot of courage. Because that’s what it takes to even have a fighting chance with someone.”

He looked stung by her words, but Kate was tired of pretending. Better to clear the air now, accept their insane connection, but move onward logically. It was the only way.

“Ouch.”

“Sorry.”

He fell back on the other chair and pondered his cup. “Perhaps you’re right. Day after day of watching people pick up the broken pieces doesn’t give me much hope. I’ll pull out of Kinnections.”