Jennifer Probst - Searching for Someday

Meat and Trent didn’t seem to notice. They held the pose like statues. Kate appeared by his side. “Do you need some help?”

Slade scowled. “Of course not. Mat’s slippery from the heat.”

“Balancing is difficult. Concentrate on your breath and relax.”

He glared. Relax when he now knew what being in the center of a roaring volcano with hot lava was like? They should be arrested for torture. But he didn’t say a word. Just sucked it up and redid the pose. Over. And over.

“Moving into deep backbends, gentlemen. Follow my lead. Go slow, no reaching or pushing ahead. This is not a competition.”

She did something erotically graceful, bending way back and gripping her ankles. Chest up, hair streaming, he figured that was easy enough. He glanced over and saw Trent and Meat a quarter of the way there. Slade hid a smirk and went for it, pushing his back as far as it would go and grabbing his heels.

Which he couldn’t find.

He toppled to the right, off balance, and fell over. Meat snickered in manly competitive code, though he pretended to be deep in the moment with his eyes closed. Trent had a proud smile on his face, his bare, gleaming chest arched in symmetry.

Bastards.

He tried it a few more times and kept falling. Usually he would’ve lied or faked weakness to get Kate’s hands on him in any intimate way, but since it was real he was too stubborn to enjoy her touch until he got hot yoga right.

“Let’s fire it back up and then cool down. Sun Salutation, Ashtanga style. And begin.”

With each round, his mind roared with a bunch of emotions all mingling together in a complete mess. Anger and frustration. Physical discomfort. Ripped pride. A sense of loss. And slowly, something else.

Quiet.

The last five minutes, his body wept sweat, but his mind cleared and seemed almost . . . empty. How odd. His muscles stretched and moved to the music, beyond listening to any rational thought or yelling demand, and sank into the rhythm. As he was guided into some dead pose, lying flat on his back, wondering if he’d ever be able to walk again, a lightness flowed through his body and his breath came way deep.

For the first time in his life, a feeling he’d never experienced invaded his body and soul and mind.

Peace.

Slowly, Arilyn brought them back and they sat in a circle. Sucking down water, exhausted, he waited for some weird type of chant, probably an om, and then he was getting the hell out of Dodge.

“It’s sharing time. Trent, will you go first?”

Slade choked on the water. This was going to get him a relationship? If he had an ounce of energy left, he’d tell them all exactly how nuts they really were and walk out. And he would, as soon as his calves stopped shaking.

Trent nodded. “I got so uncomfortable and crazed that my barriers seemed to break down, and all of a sudden I didn’t care if anyone saw my chest. I was freed. I ripped it off, and I realized it was never important.”

Arilyn smiled. “What a wonderful realization. That is exactly what I wanted you to feel in this session. You’re definitely ready for the next step, right, Kate?”

Kate nodded. “I’ll begin setting up some dates we spoke about.”

“Does anyone want to say something to Trent about his experience?”

Meat turned to him. “Good job,” he said in his low, rich rumble.

Everyone looked at Slade. He shifted slightly. “Umm, you have a good chest, dude. Be proud of it.”

Trent beamed.

“And Meat? Your turn.”

Meat rested his hands on his knees, deep in thought. “Everyone thinks I’m a mean person because I got these muscles and I’m black. That type of prejudice hurts me because I’m judged before I open my mouth. But during that balance pose, I realized I can only present who I am. Some people will judge, some won’t, but I need to be happy with me.”

Slade’s mouth fell open.

Trent grinned and pounded him on the shoulder. Arilyn and Kate practically exuded kindness and love within the circle. “I’m amazed at your insights, Meat, from just one yoga session. We’re all beautiful and struggle with others’ opinions and concepts. You have a true yogi lying within.”

Meat wiped at his eyes. “Thank you.”

Slade watched in horror as four gazes were trained on him. “Slade?” Arilyn prodded gently. “Anything to share?”

Panic hit. Kate cocked her head, but a shred of cynicism gleamed in those baby blues. She didn’t think he’d do it. She assumed he’d chicken out, rant and rave about the ridiculousness of the session, and stalk out. Anticipation hung heavy in the air, as ripe as the body odor of the men next to him.

He cleared his throat and searched madly for something to top them. Something deep and sensitive and mind-boggling. Something to wipe out Kate’s doubts and confirm he was open to this whole nutty experiment. He was an attorney, for God’s sake. “I felt a lot.”

Silence. “Like what?” Arilyn asked gently.

He scratched his head and pushed back damp strands of hair. “I learned that being alone and pushing people away is a mistake.”

Kate lifted a brow. Arilyn sighed. “Please don’t say something that sounds good but isn’t true. There is no judgment in the circle. No right or wrong. What did you actually feel during the session?”

Frustration beat in waves and simmered in his gut. They didn’t believe him? Why didn’t they question Meat or Trent’s heartfelt stories? That’s it, he was so done.

The words tumbled out of his mouth in very un-lawyerlike fashion. “Fine. I felt pissed-off, hot, sweaty, and miserable. I couldn’t do half the poses I should, and I hated every minute.”

“Better. What else?” Arilyn probed.

He let out a breath. “Ah, hell, I got nothing for you. The only thing I noticed was at the end of the session my head was empty. I’m always thinking or planning or hear this noise, and for the first time, it was quiet. Almost peaceful. But it was only a flash and then it was gone. That’s it.”

He tried not to sulk, which was so beneath him, but suddenly everyone smiled and nodded and Meat clapped him on the back.

“Nice work,” Arilyn said. “That’s what I wanted. You see, as a lawyer you’re used to controlling aspects of a situation and expectations of a certain outcome. It’s a part of your daily life. By ripping away that control, stripping you down just for a while, your mind surrendered and let barriers down. That flash you got was important. It was your true self dying to get out.”

Her words crashed over him. He had little time to process, because everyone did a group om—at least he was right about that—and then it was over. Slade chugged the rest of his water, dragged a towel over his face, and watched while Kate chatted with Trent and Meat.

Arilyn packed up and left the studio. After a solid fist bump to regain their manhood, he watched Meat and Trent drift toward the weights, and the glass door shut behind him.

Kate dragged the mats over to the pile, her perky ass high in the air on perfect display. A wave of lust grabbed him in a chokehold, and suddenly he knew the session wasn’t over.

He headed across the room.

KATE CONCENTRATED ON CLEANING up the studio so she wouldn’t have to face the sweaty, irritated, gorgeously sexy client behind her. When Arilyn told her the plan, she had little faith Slade would even participate. Halfway through the grueling class, one glance at his face confirmed he’d never make it. Arilyn was wicked smart when it came to knocking down barriers. Kate had been the recipient of many of her sessions when her frustration with her stuttering caused her to shut down. Kate figured she’d get a kick out of watching Slade’s confident charm slip.