Monica Murphy - Three Broken Promises

His pain breaks my heart. It’s a pain he stifles in the light of day. That he semi-acknowledged what we have lit a flicker of hope within me.

That he walked away—again—snuffed out the feeble flame.

I do the same thing, though. I’m stifling my pain, my secret. It’s easier that way. Still doesn’t mean I understand him, though.

“I told him I was quitting, that I was leaving, all of it. He doesn’t want me to go but he didn’t really say why, either, so . . . it’s pointless for me to be here.” I finally lift my head and meet Fable’s gaze. She looks disappointed in me and I hate that. I’ve done that a lot in my life—disappoint people. I don’t mean to. It just happens.

“I don’t want you to leave. Neither does Drew.” Fable’s voice is soft. I know what she’s trying to do. “We’ll miss you, and you know I don’t say this sort of thing to just anyone. You’re the first real friend I’ve ever had. Drew jokes that you defuse me and he’ll pay big money to keep you around.”

My heart pangs at Fable’s confession, at the humor she’s trying to bring to this otherwise serious conversation. She’s my first real female friend too. I was always close to my brother and, yes, Colin. But other girls? Not really. Until I moved here and met Fable and we somehow bonded.

“You’re okay with living here because this is where you grew up, and now Drew needs to finish college. And of course there’s Owen,” I say. Though I wonder what’s going to happen once Drew is recruited by the NFL, because the man is just too damn good of a player not to get recruited.

I know Fable doesn’t want to leave because of Owen, but she’s going to have to make a choice and soon. I don’t envy her that.

“There’s nothing for me here—can’t you see that?” I say. “No roots, no ties. Not that you don’t count, but . . . I can’t stick around here forever.” I swallow past the lump in my throat, pissed at myself. That I can’t admit the real reason I won’t stick around is because I’m afraid my past will catch up with me and I won’t know how to explain it. And that a certain someone won’t freaking acknowledge we might have something together. Something real and beautiful and amazing if he would just open his eyes—and his closed-off, made-of-steel heart—and just realize it.

“Men suck,” Fable says irritably, making me laugh. She grins in return, and I know that was her intention.

“They do,” I agree. “With the exception of yours.”

“Oh, please. He’s definitely not perfect. On occasion, he sucks big time. But yeah. I’m keeping him.” Her cheeks flush the faintest pink and I’m filled with an insane amount of jealousy that I hate to acknowledge, even to myself. I love my friend. I love that she’s found such unconditional love from a sweet, gorgeous guy who wants nothing more than to take care of her.

How I wish Colin felt the same! He has no problem with me taking care of him, but heaven forbid I need him for anything beyond a job and a roof over my head.

Ugh . Fable is so right. Men suck.

“Maybe you should just jump him,” Fable suggests out of the blue, startling me from my thoughts.

“Are you serious?” I don’t know if I have the nerve to just . . . jump him. Despite how badly I want to. I’ve known Colin for what feels like forever. While I’m willing to walk away from him and his generosity, I’m not quite ready to push my luck and put myself on the line for him sexually. Talk about making myself vulnerable.

What if he rejects me? I don’t know if I could take it.

“Hell yes, I’m serious. What better way for you to leave with a big bang than to . . . get banged.” Fable bursts out laughing, the sound downright dirty, and I can’t help it. I join right in.

That’s how her little brother Owen finds us a few minutes later, the two of us howling with laughter at the table as we trade sexual innuendos, the cheesier the better. I’d just let a ball reference fly when Owen ambled up to the table, a confused expression on his face.

We both stop laughing at the same moment, staring up at him in quiet horror.

Grimacing, Owen shakes his head. “I don’t even wanna know.”

Fable and I start giggling all over again as Owen moves into the kitchen to get himself something to drink. I watch him out of the corner of my eye, startled by how grown-up he looks. He’s only fourteen and a freshman in high school but he’s tall, and he’s filling out quickly, with broad shoulders and chest.

The girls will love him.

“Your brother is gonna be a complete lady killer someday,” I say.

Fable sighs, worry filling her gaze as she quickly studies him. “He already is. Now that he’s on the junior varsity team, he’s attracting a lot of attention from girls. I don’t like it.”

She’s gone straight into vigilant big sister mode and I love it. She’s so fiercely protective, I would never want to cross her. “Don’t say anything mean,” I warn her, but she glares at me.

“There’s no one else to protect him from all those . . . she-devils.” I almost laugh but don’t dare. The look on Fable’s face is downright scary. “I’m serious, Jen. They’re all sniffing around him like dogs in heat.”

“I heard that,” Owen calls from the tiny kitchen.

“I wanted you to,” Fable calls back. She leans across the table and lowers her voice. “I had sex way too young, you know? The idea of him doing that . . . freaks me out. I want him to stay a kid for as long as he can.”

How could I break it to her that Owen has been far from a kid for years? I think she knows this; she just doesn’t want to admit it. Only a few months ago she was complaining to me about finding yet another Baggie of weed in his jeans pocket. Though I don’t think he gets high the way he used to, what with being on the football team and following in Drew’s footsteps.

“He’s so tall,” I say, sounding lame but wanting to change the subject. I don’t really want to talk about sex and drugs in reference to Owen.

“Almost as tall as Drew.” Fable rolls her eyes, but her wistful expression betrays her. “I’m such a shrimp. Those two gang up on me and I’m done for.” And she loves the things they do together. As a family. That the two most important men in her life now have a tight bond as, well.

More jealousy flows through me and I shove it down, smiling blissfully at Fable instead. “You three are like a happy little family unit.”

She’s positively glowing at my statement. “I’ve never really been part of a happy family unit before,” she confesses softly.

I have. And I miss it.

Badly.

Colin

She was off tonight and I missed her. Terribly. I know it’s pitiful, but I mirror my schedule to hers as best I can every week. I tell myself it’s so I can drive her to work and I don’t have to worry about her finding a ride home since she doesn’t have a car. Not that she’s my responsibility or anything.

Really, I just want to spend as much time with her as possible.

But today I couldn’t make it happen. We needed more coverage in the restaurant tomorrow night for a special event, so I had to give her a different night off than usual.

Tonight I worked on the next two weeks’ schedule and made sure we’d be working every night together. I have to take what I can get, considering she’s leaving me. Forever. She’s pissed at me and I can’t blame her. I’m the one who had her exactly where I wanted her last night. Half-naked and warm and soft, her body beneath mine in her bed. Her eyes, her entire face, open and full of so much hope, so much want. Seeing all that, spread out before me like the most perfect offering ever created, overwhelmed the hell out of me.