Robin Alexander - Pitifully Ugly

when it came to ordering, but I wasn’t one of them.

I blinked a few times when Marci interrupted my internal

bitch session. “You look lovely tonight.” I was about to return the

compliment when she tilted her head to the side and said, “Have

you ever considered wearing your hair shorter?”

“I…um…no. I don’t care for short hair…on me.”

“I just asked because I think it would make your face look

fuller and,” she smiled, “you have beautiful eyes, and I think

they’d stand out even more.”

“Thank you,” I said as the waiter arrived and opened the

wine. For a fleeting second, I had a vision of sitting around in

my underwear waiting for Marci to dress me. I knew I was being

unfair and looking for anything to cling to that would make it

easier for me to pull away.

“How was your week?” I asked when we were alone again.

“Very busy, which was especially difficult because I was

distracted.”

“How so?”

“I was nervous about tonight,” Marci admitted with a shy

smile.

“Me too,” but for different reasons, I was sure.

Marci smiled and toyed with the stem of her glass. “That

makes me feel better.”

“What is it you do? I neglected to ask the night we met.”

“I’m a veterinarian. Cats are my specialty.”

“Do you have a cat?” I had flashbacks of the cat that didn’t

approve of me.

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Pitifully Ugly

“Two, one has three legs, his name is Tripod, and the other is

missing an eye. I tend to take in the ones that have already gone

through eight of their lives.”

“What’s the name of the one missing the eye?” I asked before

taking a sip of wine.

“Spike. He’s really tough.”

“Tough, huh?” I remembered my ankle mauling and agreed.

I thought cats in general were tough.

“Do you have any pets?”

I shook my head. “Although I am getting to know my

neighbor’s dog. She allows me to play ball with her, the dog, I

mean.”

Marci laughed. “I was going to ask the neighbor or the dog.”

I laughed along with her, but on the inside, my brain was

chastising me for bringing up Hailey, but still I went on. “We

played tennis the other day, and the dog got jealous, so I had to

play an extra-long game of catch with her.”

“I didn’t know you played tennis,” Marci said. “I love to play.

Maybe we could try it sometime.”

“I really don’t play all that well, I’m just learning. So how do

you handle working with animals you obviously love? I imagine it

can be heartbreaking at times,” I said, anxious to change the subject.

“I try to disassociate myself and do what I’m trained to do.

Sometimes I manage just fine, then there are other times that it

really gets to me. I’ve learned to look at it like a mechanic does

when they’re working on a car. If something isn’t functioning

correctly, I try to find out why and correct it.”

I watched Marci as she talked about tending to sick and

wounded animals. Her compassion was obvious. She was kind

with a generous heart. I should’ve felt like the luckiest girl in the

world, and I despised myself for not being able to.

After dinner, we walked to Marci’s car. I thought she was

about to open the door for me, but she turned suddenly and leaned

against it, pulling me into her arms. “It’s a beautiful night, and

it’s still early. Would you like to go dancing? Besides, I feel like

I should at least buy you a drink since you insisted on paying for

dinner.”

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Robin Alexander

She had me around the waist and was holding me tightly

against her. It felt wrong. I fought a wave of claustrophobia as

I put my hands on the side of her car. She looked at me oddly,

clearly expecting me to give into the embrace. “You seem kind of

distant,” she said as she released me.

I winced. The doorway to honesty was wide open, and I owed

it to her to take that step. “I’m having a bit of a problem. I find

myself torn, and I’m not sure what to do.”

I took a step back as Marci narrowed her eyes and looked at

me. “My neighbor, the one I mentioned earlier…I find myself

attracted…to her.”

Marci inhaled deeply as her arms dropped to her sides.

“I don’t want to end up hurting you, but I have to be honest

and tell you that I’m really conflicted right now.”

“Thank you for telling me the truth,” she said. “I’ve been

there before, I know how if feels.”

“You’re a wonderful person, and if I’d met you sooner, I don’t

think I’d be where I am emotionally right now.”

“That’s sweet of you to say,” Marci said somberly. I felt ill.

She surprised me by reaching over and taking my hand. “I’d

really like to get to know you better, but I think it wouldn’t be fair

to either of us to continue like this. I think you should concentrate

on sorting your feelings. If things don’t work out, give me a call,

and if I’m available, I would love to try again.”

All I had to offer was friendship—just like Hailey had offered

me. It sucked to be on either end of that offer.

We ended the night with a hug. I apologized so many times

that I think Marci wanted to tell me to shut the hell up. I walked

through the gate of the courtyard alone. Hailey’s window was still

dark, but I felt her there watching me.

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Chapter 12

Canine advice.

I spent a rainy weekend in my apartment in front of the TV

watching the most violent movies that I could find. I didn’t want

to watch Deborah Kerr and Cary Grant lead me to believe that

love conquered all. Instead I watched aliens beat the shit out of

one another.

When Kalen called, I told her everything, then begged to

be left alone. She reluctantly complied. When Monday came, I

immersed myself in work and refused to visit the Rainbow Room.

I was finished with that.

The phone rang around lunchtime, and I debated on answering.

When I saw Marvin’s name on the caller ID, I picked it up in case

there was a problem.

“Thank you, thank you!” Marvin sang into the phone. “Thank

you for my job and thank you for sending me that lovely client.

She tips well.”

“Who?”

“Hailey something, she said you referred her, but you forgot

to give her my card. She called all the surrounding salons until

she found me.” Marvin’s voice droned on as my mind filled with

thoughts of Hailey. “Locks of gold that felt like silk to my fingers.

She has a beautiful head of hair. I think I enjoyed doing her as

much as you.”

“I’m glad it worked out for you both.”

“If I were you, I’d be chasing her like a dog chases a trash

truck. She’s caliente . That means hot, you know.”

Robin Alexander

“Astute observation, Marvin,” I said, trying not to sound

sarcastic.

“She talked about you the whole time.” Marvin went on like

he’d had a pot of coffee and chased it with a Red Bull. “Told me

about the day she tried to teach you how to play tennis and you

made her laugh like a fool. I’m telling you, girlfriend, there was

a gleam in her eyes.”

“I’m sorry to cut this short, Marvin, but I have to step out.” I

didn’t want to hear anymore. It grated my nerves and confounded

me that she told me that she wanted just to be friends, but she was