Nicole Edwards - Chasing Dreams

“That’s where you’re wrong, Tessa. This is where you’re supposed to be.” Cooper’s finger curled under her chin, forcing her to look at him again.

“You’re right, Devil’s Bend is my home. I never thought I’d leave –”

“Not Devil’s Bend, Tessa,” Cooper stated, his voice louder, sharper. “Here. Right here. With me .”

Tessa closed her eyes. Opened them. Although Cooper’s face was blurred through her tears, she knew he was real, but for some reason, she felt like she was stuck in a dream. Her anger started bubbling in her belly, moving outward until her whole body was consumed by it and the tears were dried up from the blazing heat that had engulfed her.

“For one week, Cooper. One solid week I haven’t heard from you. Not a word. And you want to sit here and tell me that I’m supposed to be with you? Where the hell were you when I was crying my eyes out? I never heard you tell me you were sorry, or that you didn’t mean to accuse me of trying to draw attention to you when I was doing nothing more than defending you.”

She saw the muscles in his arms tense as his hands fell to his sides. Tessa was trapped by his golden gaze, but she wasn’t finished. “I’m still trying to get over you. It doesn’t work like this, Cooper. You can’t just decide you want to be with me when it’s convenient for you!” she screamed.

“It’s not fucking convenient for me, Tessa!” Cooper yelled, his voice echoing out over the water and bouncing off of the trees. “I don’t fucking deserve you, don’t you get that? You’re better off without me. I’m a selfish bastard, and that’s not gonna change. I go after what I want, and I get it no matter the cost.”

“You didn’t go after me,” she said sadly.

“But I did, Tessa. I did go after you. Until I hurt you. Until I couldn’t see past my own self-righteous attitude, and then I let you walk away. You deserve so much better.”

This time Tessa was the one to touch him, grabbing his face between her hands and forcing him to look at her. “I do deserve more than you showed me the last time we talked. I’ll give you that.”

“See. That’s exactly what I’m talking about. I was so blinded by my anger, furious that you were hurt, but I turned it around and blamed you.”

“That was one time, Cooper. That means you’re passionate about your feelings, it doesn’t make you selfish. You’re not a selfish man. If you were, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you. Look what you’ve accom –”

Shit .

Shit. Shit. Shit.

She so did not want to admit that out loud, but now the words were out there, and the look on Cooper’s face said he heard them loud and clear.

“Say it again,” he pleaded, his work roughened hands coming up to cup her jaw. “Tell me, Tessa. Say it again.”

Even through the haze of her own tears, Tessa could see the moisture building in his eyes, and the fact that he was breaking down just as easily as she was, took the last of her control. “I love you, Cooper.” Clearing her throat, Tessa continued, “I’ve prayed that it would be easy to stop loving you. I don’t want to love you.” The tears were coming faster, Cooper’s thumbs brushing over her cheeks as he tried to stop them, to no avail.

“I never thought I’d hear you say that,” he choked out. “I never thought you’d understand how hard or how fast I fell for you. I was just grateful to have you in my life, but then you were gone.”

Tessa wanted to hear him say the words back. To admit in three little words, everything he was telling her. When he didn’t say anything more, she pushed his hands away. “I’m not gone yet. But I will be.”

“No.” Cooper’s voice thundered in the thick, humid air. “I don’t want to lose you again. Tessa, I don’t even know how to say the words. I spend my days playing songs about love, but I can’t figure out how to express what I feel for you. It’s so much more than love.”

“But you didn’t realize it until I was leaving. What does that say about us, Cooper?”

“It says that I’m an idiot. I should’ve never let you go. But I needed to give you space. I wanted you to want me as much as I wanted you. I needed you to love me, Tessa.”

“I do love you, Cooper. But I don’t think it’s enough.”

“It’s more than enough. It has to be enough because I love you. I’ve loved you since I first laid eyes on you in the bar. From the first time you fell into my arms. And from the first time I closed my eyes and dreamed about you. I don’t want to lose you. I promise, I’ll be better.”

“Better than what?” Tessa didn’t want him thinking he had to change for her. She didn’t want that. “I don’t want someone else. I want you. Just like you are. I think we’re looking for the same thing here,” she said, the beginnings of a smile tipping her lips for the first time since she woke up that morning.

He said he loved her. Her heart had doubled in size as soon as he had said the words and then it cracked wide open. “I think we just have to figure out how to stop running. How to stop hiding. If we can do that, I think we’ll have it made.”

Cooper’s lips were on hers in an instant, and Tessa couldn’t resist him. Her entire body was trembling from the mountain of emotions crumbling inward, threatening to bury her alive.

And for the first time in a week, she wasn’t willing to let it all come tumbling down on her. She wanted to dig herself out.

Cooper had no idea where everything went wrong, but with Tessa in his arms, he felt like he could right everything again. He’d spent the last week wishing that he could hold her, wanting nothing more than to feel her in his arms and to inhale her sweet, fresh scent. And now she was here.

He couldn’t help but wonder how long that would last though. She sounded just as optimistic as he felt, but they both needed the reassurance that they would stick it out.

As hard as it was to tell her his feelings, he needed to know that she wasn’t going to run. How he managed to stay away from her for this long was beyond him. It could’ve been his desperate attempt to give her some semblance of peace after he came in like a whirlwind and toppled everything in her path, leaving her to clean up the mess.

Only her peace didn’t come, and he hadn’t been the white knight to come in and save her. At least she wouldn’t think he had. Because he had a secret that he’d yet to share with her.

Releasing her mouth, Cooper stood in front of her, his hands still cupping her jaw as he watched the passion and lust recede from her gaze.

“What do we do now?” she asked, her voice muffled.

“In the past week, have you heard from Marcus?” he asked because he needed to know.

She seemed stunned by his abrupt change of subject, which made sense. He’d easily gone off on another path, only this one actually led right back to where they were.

“Not…” Tessa closed her mouth, opened it again, but she didn’t say anything more.

“Tell me.”

“Not since the first day after we broke up.”

Cooper hated the fact that they broke up, but he loved the sound of it when Tessa said it. Only because for them to break up, they would’ve had to be a couple in the first place. As much as he wanted to believe they were, he still wondered how far away she was keeping herself. Now he knew.

She’d been right there with him, but probably too scared to admit it. After everything she had lost, he couldn’t necessarily blame her.

“Why?”

“Did he come see you?” he asked, taking a step back and pulling his Stetson off of his head so he could run his hands through his hair. He was sweaty, and he needed a damn shower, but this was more important.