K. Robinson: Twisted Ties

I ran my hand across her hair, trying to comfort her. There were no words for how I felt right now. Someone had hurt Ally, and I wanted him to pay. I understood why she hadn’t gone to the police. The gangs ruled California. Even if they had arrested the bastard who had done this to her, one of his brothers would have come for her and everyone she loved.

“I’m so sorry you have to deal with this, Ally.”

“So, now you know why I needed to hide. I know it’s wrong, but I don’t want to get rid of this baby. It’s not my baby’s fault for what happened to me. It might be half him, but it’s half me, too.”

“I’ll help you in any way I can. Just tell me what you need, and I’ll do it.”

She grew still for a moment. “I need you to hide me.”

“I can do that.”

“And I want you to promise me that if anyone from home finds me, you’ll say the baby is yours. If Andy finds out the truth, he’ll go crazy.”

I had no idea what to say to that. I couldn’t abandon her, no matter how wrong it felt to make that promise to her.

“I’ll tell them it’s mine,” I said quietly.

Ally hid her face in my chest as she started sobbing again. “Thank you, Jesse. Thank you.”

“You’re like my family. I’d do anything for you, Ally.”

I held her as she cried. I didn’t know how long we sat there together, but it felt like hours. Her tears finally stopped, and she fell asleep on my chest. I picked her up and carried her to the room where she’d been staying. It was her room now. This was now her home, too. I watched over her as she slept, wishing I could erase the last few months of her life. No one deserved to go through that. One day, I’d find the bastard who had done this to her, and I’d beat the shit out of him.

Over the next few days, we sat down and figured out all the details just in case anyone showed up. Neither of us really expected that to happen though. What were the chances of someone looking in West Virginia? I’d just signed the lease on this place, so the landlord let me add Ally’s name, too.

My mom refused to let me work while I was in school. I’d fought with her over and over about that, but she’d finally won. Ally didn’t want to take advantage of my mom’s kindness, so she went out and started searching for a job to help cover rent. I didn’t like the idea of her working, but I didn’t want to upset her. She planned to save whatever she had leftover, so she would have some money for when the baby arrived. I’d tried to get her to apply for local state aid to get insurance and assistance for food, but she’d refused. She didn’t want to take handouts from anyone.

When I’d agreed to tell anyone back home that I was her baby’s father, I’d never expected it to be an issue. It was definitely an issue now. Emma and Andy were here, and they both thought that I’d gotten Ally pregnant. Now, I understood why Emma had run from me and why Andy had punched me. I’d hurt her again, and he had been protecting her. Of course, he would now that they were together.

“I need a beer,” I said as I forced myself back into the present. I didn’t need a beer. I needed a keg.

“I’ll get you one.” Ally ran to the kitchen, and she came back a few seconds later with a beer in her hand. “Here.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled as I popped the top and took a drink.

Ally had done everything in her power not to be a bother since she’d arrived. I knew that she still loved me, but no matter how hard I’d tried, I couldn’t love her back. By protecting her, I knew that I was throwing away any chance of being happy, but I had no other choice. She was my friend, and I couldn’t abandon her. She’d dealt with enough pain to last a lifetime.

Ally had tried to sleep in my bed after we agreed on our story, but I wouldn’t let her. She’d thrown herself at me—literally. I couldn’t do it, and I knew that had hurt her, but I couldn’t sleep with her. There was no way. I hadn’t been with anyone since Emma. I’d had opportunities, but I never took them.

Ally had said she understood and that maybe I’d return her feelings one day. I didn’t see that happening, but I wasn’t about to tell her that. She’d been through enough without me breaking her heart.

“I’m going to my room,” I said as I set my beer on the table and stood up.

If she replied, I didn’t hear her. My mind was buzzing too loud for me to process anything happening around me. I closed my door and locked it before lying down on my bed. I stared up at the ceiling as my mind kept going back to the look on Emma’s face when she’d seen me.

She had looked so hurt. Now, I understood why. She thought that I’d slept with Ally and gotten her pregnant. I’d be hurt, too, if I’d found out that she was pregnant with Andy’s kid. God, I don’t even want to think about that. Emma is mine. No, she isn’t. She used to be but not anymore. That had been Ally’s fault, too.

I tried not to be angry with Ally, but I couldn’t help it. It seemed like every time she came around, my life turned into complete chaos. There was one thing that was bothering me though. Ally had claimed that Andy had come after her and Emma had come with him because they were together. If that were true, why had Emma been on campus? She’d had a bag across her shoulder, too, like she was a student.

I needed to talk to Emma. I had to tell her the truth even if I didn’t think she’d believe me. I couldn’t let her think that Ally’s baby was mine when she went back to California with Andy. I knew Ally would be angry, but I couldn’t stand the thought of Emma hurting because of me. I also wanted to know why she had been on campus if they were only here for Ally. That made absolutely no sense to me. Something wasn’t right, and I was going to find out exactly what was going on.

An entire week passed without a word from Emma or Andy. I was driving myself nuts, thinking about the two of them together. I should have let go of Emma a long time ago, but I never had.

It wasn’t that I hadn’t tried because I had. I’d done everything possible to block her from my thoughts when I first moved here. I’d felt so angry with her for thinking the worst of me that I’d been able to force her out of my mind for a while. She’d slowly started to creep back into my thoughts though. It was like my memories of her were a disease slowly killing me inside. Every little thing had reminded me of her. No matter how hard I’d tried to push her away, she was always there.

I’d been doing better since Ally had shown up due to the fact that I was constantly worried about her and the situation she was in. Now that I’d seen Emma again though, even Ally’s predicament couldn’t distract me.

Emma was eating me alive and I doubted if she even cared.

Ever since the night I’d run into Emma, Ally had been driving me nuts. She had been clingy before, but she was ten times worse now. It seemed like I couldn’t take a piss without her standing outside the bathroom door, waiting for me. I would savor the times when she worked the night shift. It gave me time to myself to just breathe. It seemed like I could never breathe when she was around. There was never enough oxygen in the room. She was suffocating me.

“Hey, what are you thinking about?” Ally asked as she set a plate of food in front of me.

“Nothing.” I picked up my fork and started eating.

I had no idea what I was eating. She could have been feeding me rat poison, and I wouldn’t know. I was too far gone into my own thoughts.

“Jesse, something is obviously on your mind. Talk to me about it. That’s what couples do. They talk about what’s bothering each other.”