Tara Sivec - Passion and Ponies

“I don’t understand most of Facebook, but this I totally get. I just need to get some addresses so I can mail the pictures I want to share with other people. I’m going to mail them a friend request, too,” Aunt Jenny smiles excitedly.

Pulling my cell phone out of my purse, I check my messages and can’t help but feel like shit when I don’t see any from Tyler. I thought for sure he’d text me apologizing or asking if we could try anal again… something . I haven’t heard from him in three days. Three long days without arguing with him, listening to him say stupid things, feeling his hands on me, kissing him, being annoyed with him… why hasn’t he contacted me?

“Ava, either call the boy and make up or find someone else and move on. Quit pouting and help us file these invoices,” my mom scolds.

I give her a dirty look as I shove my phone back in my purse. “I wasn’t pouting, especially over Tyler. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She laughs and shakes her head at me. “I’m not as stupid as your Aunt Claire looks.”

Aunt Claire gives her the finger. “Shut up or I’ll cut off your dick and make you eat it.”

“Anyway,” mom continues, “even though the guy irritates me the majority of the time and the sounds I’ve heard coming from your bedroom make my ears bleed, I don’t like seeing you so sad over him.”

If only she knew that he isn’t the only reason I’m sad. With a deep breath, I decide to listen to what Tyler said and try talking to her again. She’s got to understand how miserable I am at Seduction and Snacks.

“Drew likes to make horse noises during sex sometimes. I thought it was weird at first but it’s kind of hot now,” Aunt Jenny muses. “Look, I even shared it on my wall.”

She points to a hand-written piece of paper taped to the wall that says ‘ My husband likes to whinny like a horse during sex’.

“Can you guys tell me you like it? No one ever likes what I post,” she complains.

We all ignore her and I walk up next to my mom as she unpacks and stocks a delivery of lube. “So, I’ve been thinking about giving my notice at Seduction and Snacks.”

“Hey, Claire, did you ever get a reply back from Channel 5 news about the feature they wanted to do on us?” she yells over to my aunt, completely ignoring me.

“They’re going to come out next Thursday to film some footage. The interview will be on Friday,” Aunt Claire answers.

I try again, a little louder this time. “I don’t want to work at Seduction and Snacks anymore.”

“Fuck, Jenny! Will you stop poking me in the side?” Aunt Claire complains from the other side of the room.

Aunt Jenny huffs and crosses her arms in front of her. “Why the hell do they have poking on Facebook if no one likes it? I poked a customer the other day and she smacked my hand.”

Taking a cue from Aunt Jenny, I shove my finger into my mom’s side until she yelps. “What the fuck, Ava? Don’t tell me I need to explain Facebook to you, too. Jenny, for God’s sake, you’ve given my child the dumb. Stop fucking poking people.”

My mom and Aunt Claire share a laugh and I reach the end of my rope.

“I HATE WORKING AT YOUR FUCKING COMPANY AND I QUIT!”

The room goes silent after my outburst and I take a step away from my mom when she glares at me.

“That fucking company has kept a roof over your head and put you in designer clothes since birth,” she says in a low, menacing voice.

It’s never good when my mom lowers her voice. Never.

“Mom, I didn’t mean-”

She cuts me off. “Without that fucking company , you wouldn’t know the difference between a Coach purse and a pile of shit.”

I continue backing away from her until I bump up against my Aunt Claire. She wraps her arms around me in a comforting hug and leans down to whisper in my ear. “I’ll distract her with a dildo to the face. When she’s down, RUN!”

My mom continues walking until we’re toe-to-toe and I swallow nervously. “Your Aunt Claire and I worked our fucking fingers to the bone to make this company what it is today. People would KILL for the job you have and you want to just throw it away because you’re bored ? You should be ashamed of yourself.”

I choke back tears as my mom stares at me in disappointment. I should be ashamed. This is a job opportunity that anyone would be thankful for and I am throwing it all away. I just want her to understand that I’m not throwing my job away because I’m ungrateful or because I’m bored. I’m doing it because I have different dreams. Why the hell is it so hard to say that to her?

“Hey, ease up, Liz. Not everyone is cut out to work at Seduction and Snacks,” Aunt Claire says softly from behind me, giving me a reassuring squeeze on the arm.

“Not everyone should be cut out to work there, but my kids damn well should be! This is my dream, this is what I’ve worked my entire life for and is it so wrong I want my family to benefit from the good fortune we’ve had?” my mom asks her.

Her dream, her dream, her dream… I wish she would listen to herself.

“It’s not wrong, hon. I’m not going to lie about the fact that I love having Gavin here. I love it even more that working here has always been his dream. That’s just it, though. It’s what he’s always wanted to do,” Aunt Claire tells her.

My mom rolls her eyes and turns away from both of us, stalking to the other side of the room to angrily dig into a box of furry handcuffs. “Ava has no idea what she wants to do aside from shop. If she wants to quit, fine, but she better not ever come crying to me about how she made a mistake.”

She won’t even look at me now and she’s talking about me like I’m not standing right here. This went just as well as I imagined.

So much for taking Tyler’s advice.

I shrug out of Aunt Claire’s hold, grab my purse from the desk and leave before anyone can see me cry.

“Hey, Ava, I just posted on my wall that you quit. I already got one ‘like’!” Aunt Jenny shouts as I walk out the door.

“It doesn’t count if you just say you liked it,” Aunt Claire tells her with a sigh.

Screw everyone. I don’t need my mother’s approval and I certainly don’t need Tyler. I’ll be just fine on my own.

- Tyler -

I pace back and forth nervously outside of Liz’s office, waiting for her to finish her conference call. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to regret it.

Ava went back home to her parent’s house Christmas night and we haven’t spoken since. As much as I want to be pissed at her for the things she said, I can’t. The more I thought about it, the more I realized she was probably right. I was delusional for thinking my dad could be some famous Brony and that I would be able to pick him out in a room filled with thousands of people. I wanted it to be true so badly that I didn’t even stop to think about how far-fetched it sounds. I’m also in love with her and love makes you do asinine things.

After our fight in her parents’ backyard, we stayed on opposite sides of the room for the rest of the night. We spent the remainder of the evening celebrating the holiday and toasting Gavin and Charlotte on their engagement before I walked out of there without even a wave good-bye from her.

That was a week ago. I was determined to walk away from her and chalk it up to us just not being meant for each other, but I know it’s not true. Regardless of what I said to her, she’s the strongest person I know. She’s sweet and funny when she wants to be and I like being around her. No, fuck that. I love being around her. She gets my crazy fetishes even if she doesn’t want to and she puts up with my childish behavior. I’m not about to let her wallow in her own misery.