Molly McAdams - Capturing Peace

“Four. Really, Mom?” I said so low no one else could hear us.

“Yeah, go do . . . whatever it is you all do now. And we’ll just take him for the night so you won’t have to worry about waking him up whenever you guys are done hanging out.”

I stared at my mom with wide eyes before finally giving in. I wanted to spend time with Coen, and despite dinner just now . . . I still wasn’t ready for the three of us to hang out together. So nights when Parker was with my parents were the only time I would be able to see him.

“Um, okay . . . but I don’t have a bag for him or anything.”

Mom waved me off and held her hand out for Parker. “We’ll be fine.”

Turning, I found Coen watching me thoughtfully and had to swallow a few times before asking, “Is it—­uh, is it okay if I crash your night?”

Coen’s dark gaze flitted over to my parents before resting back on my face. “Of course it is. We can all go to my place and chill. I just need Hudson to take me back to my studio to get my car,” he said as he turned to look at my brother, and Keegan nodded as he continued talking to Erica about driving arrangements.

“Can I take you? I mean—­I can take you,” I blurted out before I could talk myself out of it.

“All right then,” he said after a few seconds, and said good-­bye to my parents as I said good night to Parker.

“Wasn’t expecting that,” Coen said as he put the address in my GPS when we were in my car.

“What?”

“For you to ask if you could drive me in front of your parents. From what I was gathering, you weren’t exactly happy that they thought we’d hung out at the park. God forbid they know about Friday night.”

“Coen—­”

“You should probably start driving before your brother comes over here wondering why we’re just sitting here.”

I bit back a sigh and pulled the car out of the spot before making my way out of the parking lot. “I’m sorry, Coen, but you have to understand something. I have avoided men since before Parker was born. I’ve never wanted a guy in our life, and my family knows that. They don’t agree, but they know that. They’ve tried . . . I don’t know how many times over the last six years to get me to start dating. And not once have I even considered it. You saw how pissed off I was when they all went behind my back to set me up on that double date with you. And then you”—­I fumbled for my next words and flung my hand out like it would somehow help me find the right thing to say. It didn’t. “You were there, and for the first time I actually entertained the thought of being with someone.”

Looking over, I was surprised to see him studying me intently. I would have expected him to look smug.

“But, trust me, I tried talking myself out of it so many times. I didn’t want to want you. Parker and I are fine by ourselves, and throwing a guy into that can just make things so complicated . . . and why complicate things when we’re in such a good place now?” I mumbled the last part to myself. “So to go six years of ignoring their attempts at setting me up, and to get Parker and me to a place where we don’t need anyone, and then suddenly have there be this guy in the picture?”

“I . . .” Coen huffed. “I still don’t get it. Okay, so you didn’t want to date a bunch of random guys. Because of that you can’t tell them when you’re sort of seeing someone? They want you to see ­people. Your brother tried to set us up. You just said all three of them went behind your back to get us on a double date.”

“Yeah, but you don’t know my parents, so you didn’t see how quickly it all changed. But you had to have noticed how Keegan reacted, and all he knows about is the park.”

When he didn’t respond, I glanced over at him to see his eyes were narrowed as he watched me.

“When I got pregnant with Parker, I didn’t stop going to school. Even after he was born I continued going until I graduated from high school. Granted, I had to ask my mom to watch him while I was there because I didn’t have a job then. As soon as I graduated I got a job and moved out with Parker six months later. I wanted to put him in day care, but my mom wouldn’t let me. I hate not being in control of everything. ‘Control’ might have been the wrong word . . . I’m not a control freak. It’s just . . . if I can’t handle something on my own, it scares me. When Austin left me—­”

“Austin?”

“Parker’s dad. When he left, I was determined to have Parker and be the best mom. I was already having a baby in high school, but I didn’t want to be a statistic, you know? So ever since that day when he broke up with me, I have to be able to handle every situation by myself, I don’t want to be one of those single moms who constantly has to rely on her family just to get by. Because Austin left us and it was so bad with my parents at first when they found out, I knew I had to be a certain way for Parker. So I hate asking for help. I like knowing I can do it on my own. But my family still thinks they need to watch out for Parker and me. Like they need to protect us because I’m not allowing anyone else to do it. So even though they want me to date, bringing someone into Parker’s life isn’t as easy as me thinking he would be good for me, and good to Parker . . . my whole family has to agree.”

Coen didn’t say anything, and because of the traffic, I couldn’t look at him again. Knowing he’d been mad, the quiet was making me uneasy.

“And that was exactly how it all happened tonight. Keegan was looking at you like an enemy instead of his best friend, my dad was sizing you up, my mom . . . God, my mom—­”

“She doesn’t like the way I look.” Coen laughed softly and shifted in the seat. “I noticed.”

I grimaced and rubbed at my forehead. “It doesn’t matter if she does or doesn’t. She obviously got over it. But that’s just it . . . to make it all the more confusing. My family—­who wanted nothing more than for me to start dating—­all about had heart attacks when they thought I was dating someone, and none of them were happy about it. But a ­couple hours later, my mom is taking my son for the night so I can spend time with you, and I have no doubt she’s going to be online picking out my wedding dress once he’s asleep.” I groaned and slapped my hand back on the steering wheel before I gasped in horror. “Not that we’re getting married! Jesus.”

Coen’s loud laugh filled my car, and I was positive I was bright red.

“God, just . . . act like I didn’t say that.”

“No can do, Duchess. It’s replaying in my head over and over.” He laughed when I groaned again, and after a few minutes said, “I get what you’re saying, but I’m going to be honest with you. I know we’re not really anything yet, but I’m just letting you know now that we won’t be anything at all if this is how it’s going to be. You being afraid to tell your family about me. You leaving me to answer the questions about us when you look like you’re going to throw up because I’m in the same room with them. I’m not gonna deal with that shit.”

“Coen, I’m sorry. I hadn’t been ready for that and I couldn’t figure out what to do. Part of me wanted to go into your arms, and the other part was terrified of how my family was going to react. And I just froze.”

He didn’t say anything for the next few minutes until I was in the parking lot of his studio, and next to his car. With a hard breath through his nose, he unclicked his seat belt and got out of the car.

My stomach clenched and my head dropped as I realized I’d somehow made this worse. I needed to learn how to shut up. My head snapped to the left when my door opened and he stepped back.