Teresa Mummert - A Song for Us

I bent down into his face so I was looking him in the eye. “You have no idea how bad you fucked up.” I stood up and drew my leg back, kicking him hard in the ribs. He groaned and wrapped his arms around his waist. I took the opportunity to hit him again in the face. His nose cracked under my fist and blood covered his face. “Get on your fucking feet and fight like a goddamn man.” I took a step back as I struggled to slow my breathing.

Derek was holding his nose and he pushed to his feet, standing in front of the door. I backed up a few more steps into the larger opening of the room and motioned for him to take his best shot.

“This has nothing to do with you.” He spit out a mouthful of blood as he glared at me.

“This has everything to do with me. You had no fucking right to hurt her.”

“And what? You think kicking my ass will make her fall into your arms?” He laughed and I swung, but he ducked out of my way. “She doesn’t want you, E. She never did.”

I wanted to make it impossible for him to smile. I lunged at him and we fell to the floor, my body landing on his and knocking the air from his lungs. His fist landed against my ribs and I hadn’t anticipated the blow. I grunted and rolled off him.

He took the opening and pushed to his knees as he swung, connecting with my cheekbone. I was so angry it didn’t even register. We struggled back and forth before I gained the upper hand and drove my fist into his body over and over, unleashing all of my anger on him. He had gotten the girl and he didn’t even give a fuck about her. I wanted to make him hurt as much as he had hurt her. Every tear she cried would be another blow to his body. I wrapped my fingers around his throat and stared down into his empty eyes as he clawed at my arms. I didn’t want to kill him. That would be too easy, but if someone didn’t stop me soon, that was going to happen.

In minutes our scuffle had drawn attention from other guests. I vaguely heard Donna’s voice, and soon the twins were on top of me, prying me from Derek’s bloodied body. Only then did I hear Donna scream again, but she sounded so far away.

“Sarah . . .” I struggled in their grip but they held me tight. “Sarah!” I screamed, and pulled against them toward the door. They let me go, satisfied I wasn’t going to try to finish off Derek, and we ran toward my room. The hall felt longer now, the walls closing in tighter as I burst through the doorway. Donna was on the floor with Sarah pulled over her lap, blood smeared from Sarah’s wounds over Donna’s light pink nightie. Sarah wasn’t moving, and for a moment it seemed as if Donna had rocked her to sleep like a child, but when my eyes scanned the scattered pills on the floor around Sarah, I fell to my knees.

“No! No!” I shook my head as I pulled Sarah from Donna’s arms and into my own lap. I ran my hand over her hair trying to wake her. The smell of her shampoo mixed with the smell of the blood turned my stomach, and tears flowed freely down my face as I held her against my chest.

Commotion was all around us but I blocked it all out as I held her against me. “You can’t do this, Sarah. I take it all back. I take it back. I’ll make it better. I’m so sorry. Please just wake up for me, sweetheart.”

“You have to let her go. They will take care of her,” Terry called out as he pulled on my arm, but I tightened my grip around her.

“Sir, you need to let her go so we can help her.” A woman was bending down in front of me, and through blurred vision I could make out that she had dark hair like Sarah’s. “Sir, we need you to let her go.”

“Son, you need to let him go so we can help him,” the medic called over my shoulder, but I refused to let my brother go. He needed me and I was just a few seconds too late. He struggled to breathe and blood gurgled in his throat; his eyes were half-open and he stared off into nothingness.

“I’m so sorry.” Sobs ripped through my chest as I held his body against mine as rocks dug into my knees. My mother flew out of the front door of our house, her dress blowing back with each step. The world slowed and I studied the sadness in her eyes, a pain I had never before seen. My gaze fell to Robert as he struggled to take one last breath. My mom’s feet froze and her hands flew over her mouth as she doubled over and violent sobs ripped through her body.

Then the most terrifying scream pulled from her chest. “My baby!”

My father soon followed, worry and pain on his face as his arms wrapped around my arms and he physically pulled me from my brother’s lifeless body. My father slowed to a stop beside my mother, his eyes locked on mine. I’d never seen such sadness and heartbreak in anyone’s eyes. I felt completely helpless. I wanted to comfort my mother, to plead with God to take me instead, but I froze, overwhelmed with guilt.

“Why weren’t you watching him?” My father’s voice shook and the sadness in his tone terrified me. He’d always been such a tough man, and now with tears rolling down his face, he was broken. “You should have been watching!”

“Just let her go.” Terry pulled on my arm again and I let it fall free as I was swarmed by medics. They lifted her from my lap as I sat in a daze.

Hands wrapped around my body and pulled me to my feet. I staggered but didn’t struggle as my wrists were cuffed. My eyes fell to Donna, who still sat on the floor in shock, covered in Sarah’s blood. Someone was asking her if she had been hurt and she replied that she was fine, but her eyes never left mine and I knew it was a lie. I had hurt her. I swore I would do right by her and then I broke her heart.

SARAH

I COULDN’T GET THE taste of charcoal out of my mouth and I begged the nurse to bring me something to drink after I had purged the final contents of my stomach. They seemed to not hear me or pay me any attention as they checked my vital signs and made notes on their little pads of paper. I wanted to lash out and scream at them but I was terrified.

“I want to go home.”

“Can you tell me where home is?” a balding man with wire-rim glasses asked as he pulled a pen from his pocket.

I shut my eyes tight and tried to play my song in my head, but his voice interrupted my thoughts.

“Can you tell me your name?”

“Sarah Winsor, and I don’t have a home.” E was my home and I had lost him.

“Why is that, Ms. Winsor?”

“I’m in a band. We travel.”

“You don’t have a family home? Parents?”

“No. I don’t have anyone.” I tried not to let that affect me, but the floodgates had already been opened and I wasn’t strong enough to close them again.

“You would like to tell me where you got the pain pills and why you took them?”

I didn’t know what to say, where to start.

“What about the cuts?”

“I had a headache and some guy on the street gave me the pills.”

He scribbled down a few notes and adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose as he waited for me to continue, but I didn’t say anything else.

“I would like to keep you here for a few days. We have some excellent people for you to talk to.”

“No! I want to go home.” I started to sit up but he put a hand on my shoulder.

“Where is home, Sarah? This is for your own good. I think you are a danger to yourself and need to be observed for a few days just to make sure you are feeling better, okay?” He smiled as if he wanted me to agree, even though I knew I had no choice in the matter.

“You can’t just do that, can you? This is America. You can’t just keep me here. Where is Eric? He can take care of me.”

“Some friends are here to see you. I think they can help fill in some of the events that transpired for you. I’ll give you some privacy.”