Lyra Parish - Weak for Him

"You think you're so smart. That I don't see through your little sweet, innocent virgin game? Just know that if Luketon hadn't paid what he did for you, I would've fired you on the spot weeks ago. Consider this your warning. If you and Finn 'just happen' again, you're fucking gone."

She didn't have to say anything else, and I had nothing to add. Another moment passed, and Jesse released the stronghold on my face. Rage flared inside of me, and I swallowed angry tears back. I wouldn't give her joy of knowing how pissed I was.

Back on the road, back toward the city, and I was back on track to fulfill all Luketon's sexual desires. I always imagined my first time with a man would be with someone I loved and respected. Someone who would make love to me until the sun rose. Someone who would hold me in his arms and tell me how beautiful I was. But the first time I had sex, it would be for money. How cheap did that make me?

We pulled into Ester's, and I unbuckled, but hesitated before opening the door. Who the fuck did Jesse think she was? Enough was enough. I turned and looked at her with so much hate and anger that I thought I saw her shudder.

"If you ever touch me like that again, you'll wish you wouldn't have. Consider that your warning, bitch ," I said. The shock and anger that covered her face warmed my little angry heart. I gently shut the door and heard the slamming of hers.

The bell above the door rang and the smell of incense filled Ester's.

"Hey, Jennifer. It's nice to see you again. Can I help you with something?"

"Yep, big night on Friday. I need something extra sexy and extra special."

Belinda walked over to a smoky gray corset with cream lace lined through the sides.

"It arrived yesterday, and if I remember correctly, it's your size. It was a special gift from a European designer and sent straight to the store. A nice little surprise, I thought."

She handed it to me with a smile and pointed toward the dressing room. "Let me know if you need any help," she said.

The detailing and thread, which was also cream-colored, looked hand sewn. Whoever made this took pride in their work, and if it fit, I would take pride in wearing it. I removed my clothes and couldn't wait to feel the soft silk and lace on my body. Like the glass slipper in Cinderella, every piece of the wonderfully handcrafted lingerie fit perfectly. I laced up back as tight as I could, and smiled.

"How's it going in there, honey?" I heard her say from the front counter.

"You have to see this, Belinda. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever worn."

I lifted my hair above my neck and checked out my backside as footsteps travel down the hallway. She would be so thrilled to see how well it fit. The doorknob jiggled, and I unlocked it.

"See how well it fits my hips?" I dropped my hair and focused on jade green eyes.

Finn.

"You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," he said.

I swallowed. I opened my mouth and closed it.

"Glad to know I can handpick lingerie for you."

He grabbed my hips and pulled me closer to him. Our lips slammed into one another with so much force and passion, and we couldn't get enough of one another. Want and need, and desire mixed inside of our mouths, we fought a battle neither one of us would ever win. He pushed me against the wall, and I moaned his name.

"Finn."

His forehead touched mine, and he placed one finger over my lips.

"Shh."

I opened mouth and began sucking his lip, wishing it were him. With gentle hands, he ran his fingers across my face and through my hair. Soft lips kissed my neck, my mouth, and the tops of my breasts, causing little chill bumps to cover my body. My heart fluttered with excitement.

"Each time I think of you with Luketon, it kills a small piece of me." He nibbled on my ear. "I can't stand the thought of you lying in bed with him. You giving that piece of yourself that should belong to me… that piece of you that I've wanted since the first time I laid eyes on you."

I ran my hands up his shirt and brushed them across his skin. He continued to whisper. "You drive me crazy. Your hair. Your smell. Your innocence."

I needed to talk. To tell him how I felt, but each time, he would stop and kiss my mouth.

"Don't say a word," he said, breathlessly.

"I've never loved another person since… I don't know how. But I know that loving you would be easy," he said, giving me more of his all-encapsulating kisses.

This is it , I thought. The moment where he would tell me how he truly feels. Where we would speak all of the unspoken words we exchanged with our bodies. I waited for him to tell me everything I wanted to hear.

"But we can't keep doing this, Jennifer."

And as if someone punched me in the throat, he pulled away and shut me off instantaneously. Before I completely lost Finnley, I begged, pulling the hem of his shirt for him to come closer.

" Please ," I somehow managed to choke out.

One last time, he grabbed the bottom of my chin, and kissed me so soft, so sweet, so sensually that I almost melted into him completely.

"We can't do this ever again, Jennifer. This has to stop now before we're in too deep. Before we do something that we both regret."

He turned and walked to the door, but stopped before leaving.

"I would never regret any moments I share with you," I said.

Crossing his arms, Finn leaned against the door, taking one last look as if he would never see me this way again.

"Luketon will love seeing you in that."

He leaned over, pressed his lips against my cheek, and then he was gone.

The jingle of the bell rang down the hall, letting the whole building know that he had left. Deflated, completely and utterly empty, I sat on the floor and tried not to let my emotions take over. Eventually, I would break down. But it wouldn't be today.

The realization hit that maybe I was weak after all, weak for Finnley Felton.

Istood and slowly untied the delicate lace.

Like a robot, I slipped on my clothes and marched to the front of the store.

Is this what heartbreak felt like? Is this what the sad songs sung about?

What the hell did I think would happen between us, anyway? I'm nothing more than protocol. Something pretty to look at like a glass ornament or a trinket.

Belinda placed the lingerie in a pretty little box and tied it with a bow; rapport, she had it.

"I'll charge it to the account, honey."

Finn's account.

Funny how he special ordered it just for me, and showed up to tell me that very thing. Just another dose of mind-fuckery and Finnley games before I would wear this to bed for another man. The lingerie was nothing more than a fucked up reminder that Finn owned me, that no matter what, no matter who took my virginity, I would always be his property.

Outside of the storefront, Jesse leisurely sat on a bench and smoked a cigarette. When she saw me, she smudged it on the cement and blew out the rest of the smoke. An Elite wasn't supposed to smoke. Bitch broke her own rules.

"I assume you found what you needed."

"I did, actually."

I tried not to sound like a bitch, but it was a little harder than I thought. My mood and emotions already had too many vicissitudes, and it was barely lunchtime. I wanted a do-over of this day, but that wasn't an option. Next stop, the fucking dress shop, Cynthia's.

Cynthia's always intimidated me. Only upper class women shopped in stores where dresses were tailored to their body shape. We had nothing like this at home.

Jesse, always the businesswoman, leader of the Girls, spoke with the woman in quiet whispers.

"Oh, really? I have just the gown for the occasion."