Kendall Ryan: When We Fall

“So you were worried about telling me you’re leaving group?” I asked.

She nodded. “And there are a few other things, too.”

“First, I’m happy that you’re realizing your schedule was too full, and I think it’s good you’re taking a step back. Besides, my days at group are done anyway. It’s no longer court appointed for me. I passed through all the sessions with flying colors.”

“Why was your therapy court appointed?” A crease in her forehead lifted her brow as she apparently realized it was something we’d never discussed.

Fuck .

“We’ll get to that.” Later. When hell froze over, hopefully . I needed to man up and grow a pair, to tell her about my secret past, but knowing there was a chance she wouldn’t be able to live with my actions, I wasn’t willing to do that just yet. I wanted her to know how I felt about her first, and since the idea of telling her I loved her made my body break out in a cold sweat, I figured I needed a little time. She probably didn’t realize it, but I’d never said that to a woman before. It was a big fucking deal to me and not something I just tossed around.

“Tell me what else is on your mind,” I said, my voice low and more commanding than I’d intended.

She took a deep, shuddering breath, her nerves rising to the surface. “I finally settled all my parents’ legal affairs.”

“And?” What did that have to do with us?

“I inherited some money.” She cleared her throat. “A lot of money, in fact.” With her eyes darting up to mine, McKenna licked her lips. “Enough to take care of college for Luke.”

I bit down and tasted blood. “Absolutely not.”

“W-why?” she asked.

“Because the Bauers pay their own way. And your parents left that money for you . This is another one of your do-good charity routines and avoiding facing reality. They left that money for you and only you. They didn’t set up some scholarship fund for needy kids. They wanted you to take care of yourself, have a nice, comfortable life. And I won’t have you shoving this cash at Luke just to avoid that.”

McKenna drew a deep breath as anger flashed in her eyes. She could argue all she wanted, but she knew I was right. This was just another of her damn avoidance techniques. She said she’d grown during this trip home, had realized a few things; well, it was time to see if she was telling the truth. Because there was no way in fuck her parents worked hard and saved their whole lives just to see their only daughter give away their life savings to pay someone else’s way while she lived like a pauper in a tiny apartment and took the bus. Fuck that. The more I thought about it, the angrier I became.

“Is this money the reason you offered to pay for dinner tonight?” I asked through clenched teeth.

McKenna lowered her eyes, her chin falling to her chest.

Great. Not only was I not good enough for her, now there was some type of financial divide between us, too. A low growl emanated inside my chest. “Let’s just go.” Feeling defeated, I reached for my wallet and tossed more than enough money down on the table to cover our bill before I stood.

She rose to her feet and followed me to the exit, her eyes still trained on the floor.

Once inside the Jeep, I tried to shake off the sting of defeat I’d experienced back there in that restaurant. I’d tried to do something nice for her, show her that she was my girl and I could take care of her, and it had all backfired in my face. She didn’t trust me to pay for a simple meal, let alone take care of my own family. Fuck .

Noticing the way her arms were curled around her middle, I cranked the heat to high. “Are you warm enough?”

She nodded. “I’m fine.”

Damn it . I was being a prick. I took a deep breath, fighting to calm my raging emotions. “Hey…” My tone softened and I reached for her hand. “I’m sorry.”

Gazing out at the headlights of the oncoming traffic and the snowflakes floating in the night sky, I knew this wasn’t her fault. Her intentions were pure, as always. And she had no way of knowing that one of my hot buttons was when people assumed I couldn’t take care of the boys. It had happened numerous times over the years. I caught suspicious glares or outright accusations about how I could afford to provide for them from teachers, guidance counselors, and even my own lawyer at the custody hearing. McKenna had touched on a sore spot for me, but her involvement wasn’t like the others. She wanted to help, plain and simple. And I’d all but jumped down her throat. Not that it changed my stance any, but I knew I’d overreacted.

McKenna watched the traffic pass, looking deep in thought. “It’s okay. It wasn’t my place.”

I didn’t say anything further, I just laced her fingers between mine and squeezed her hand in the darkness. “You’re always thinking of others. I just want to see you take care of yourself with that money.”

She nodded. “I know. I will, I promise.”

“And I think your first priority should be buying yourself a car. I don’t like you taking the city bus.”

She nodded again. “I know. I’ve thought about that, too.”

I released a deep exhale. Good. We were getting somewhere. I knew I shouldn’t have freaked out earlier and ruined the entire night. But she was still here and she was holding my hand, so maybe it wasn’t completely ruined.

“I thought you’d say the first priority was me moving out of my place with Brian and getting my own apartment.”

Shaking my head, I glanced over at her. “No. Contrary to what you might think, I like you living with him, with someone there to protect you in case of a break-in. I wouldn’t want you moving out until you’re ready to move in with me.”

Glancing her way, I checked for her reaction. McKenna’s mouth dropped open and she stared blankly straight ahead. I might not have said the L-word yet, but judging by her reaction, that clued her in to how I felt. She wasn’t just some random hookup to me. But something told me McKenna needed to hear that in words, and not just through my actions.

I parked in front of her building and brought her hand to my lips, pressing a tender kiss there before releasing it.

McKenna

“Do you want to come inside?” I asked Knox as we sat in silence outside my apartment building. I might as well take advantage of the fact that Brian was out of town and I still had the apartment to myself. Plus, before our argument over money, Knox had said that tonight’s date was supposed to be just us, and I wasn’t ready for it to be over.

Wordlessly, Knox turned off the ignition and his dark gaze met mine, causing a warm shiver to rake across my skin. “Brian still gone?”

I nodded. He was thinking the same thing I was—that with Brian out of town, this was one of the rare times we’d have true privacy from the boys. Delicious anticipation raced through my veins.

Knox was out of the Jeep and opening my door within seconds, causing my lips to curl up in a grin. He was every bit as eager for this reunion as I was. We still hadn’t talked about the elephant in the room—our relationship—but I was trying to give him the time he needed. I’d told him I loved him, and weeks later he’d scrawled the same message to me on the frosty pane of his window. Hearing him say those words to me was what I craved, what I needed, but I was going to be patient with him. For now.