Victoria Ashley: Slade

Fuck it!

I jump over the bar, grab her face and slam my lips against hers, tasting her with desperation. The feel of her lips give me a fucking rush and I know that after this I won’t be able to go on without having her as mine. I need her and I’m going to show her she needs me too.

When we’re both short of breath, she pulls away and her eyes search mine. She looks scared and lost. The feeling makes my chest ache. I don’t want to do that to her.

She just stares, breathing heavily, with her body trembling. Then without a word, she turns and rushes for the door. “Wait. Don’t fucking run away again.”

I step up behind her and grab her arm right as she’s reaching for the door. She yanks it out of my grip and takes a step back as I take a step forward. It seems to be our little game. “Why? Why should I wait?”

I don’t hesitate to tell her the truth this time and I don’t give a shit that everyone is staring at us as if we’re some kind of fucking soap opera. This time, I’m not letting her get away; I can’t. “Because I love it when you touch me. It makes me feel as if I’m breathing; makes me feel . . . alive.”

Her breathing picks up as I run my lips over her neck and brush her hair over her shoulder. “You make me want to be a better man. I want to take care of you. I want to make you feel wanted like you deserve.” I stop to kiss her neck before gently tugging her hair to the side. “I may not be perfect all the fucking time. I’m far from it, but you make me want to be as close to it as I can be. Give me a chance to make you feel good; feel wanted. I want you to be mine. I want to be the one you snuggle with and watch a movie with at night. I want to be the one you stay home with because you don’t like to go out. I don’t like fucking cats, but I’ll love them because you love them.”

“I don’t know,” she whispers. “I’m scared. I can’t handle being crushed by you. It will only fucking destroy me, Slade.”

“I am too. Trust me. This feeling is new to me. You’ve done something to me and I can’t stop fucking thinking about you. You’ve fucking ruined me. I’m not giving you up so easily.”

Her lips part and it takes everything in me to not press my lips against them again and make her mine. I want her so bad, but I want her to want me just as much. I can’t force her to want me this time. It will never work that way.

“You really can’t stop thinking about me?” I nod my head and run my thumb over her lip. “What about all the other women, Slade? I can’t be with a man like that again. I just can’t.” She looks around the room at the group of women watching us. She looks upset by them and a bit jealous. I don’t like that look on her. “I didn't mean for my presence to distract you from your job. I just wanted to let you know you'd be seeing me around more. I didn’t come looking for this."

I cup her face in my hands and step closer to her to show her I don’t give a fuck about those women. “I haven’t been with any other women since you. The closest I got to having sex with a woman was before you left and I was still being a horny, heartless dick. I was confused and not ready for change. I won’t lie to you about that. I’ll never lie to you. I haven’t had sex or have even wanted to since you fucking left me that night. That’s a big fucking deal for me.”

A tear falls down her cheek, but she tries to hide it before I can see it. She’s too late. I catch her face and rub the tear away with my thumb. She seems a bit surprised and torn. I don’t blame her. I was a major dick and I don’t deserve her trust. “I don’t understand why, Slade. You can have anyone that you want. I do mean anyone and everyone.”

“But I want you. I know I’ve been an asshole and I’m sorry. I don’t even know how I let things go so far and let myself become an asshole . . . but when you fall it happens all too fast.” I step closer to her so that my lips are brushing hers. “All I’m asking is for you to give me a chance. We can take things slow. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. I can’t stop thinking about you, Aspen. No one has been able to make me feel the way you do. No one has been able to make me feel at all.”

She tilts her head up and rubs her lips against mine, but doesn’t kiss me. “I don’t know. I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”

“How do you feel about me?” I tilt her face up so she can look me in the eyes. The eyes always give the heart away. “Tell me how you feel. I don’t want a bullshit answer this time. I’m standing here in front of everyone asking you if you feel the same way I do. Tell me the truth.”

Her eyes search mine and I can see her walls break down a bit. She cares for me, but just how much? Is it enough? I can only hope. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you since the first time I laid eyes on you. I knew then that I wouldn’t be able to forget you. I was right. I was hoping that I’d be able to go the whole week and force myself to hate you. It didn’t happen. Every day, I fell further for you.” She reaches up and wraps her hands in my hair and gently tugs on it. “Then you opened up to me and I fell even more. It was unstoppable and I knew I was screwed in the best way possible. I wanted to know more. I wanted to help ease your pain. I wanted to cure you.”

I pull her face to mine and suck in her bottom lip before releasing it. “You did fucking cure me. Now give me a chance to cure you. If I fuck up you can punish me.” I smirk and she lightly taps my cheek. “I mean it.”

Her eyes search mine for a second and I leave them open for her. I want her to read them; to see how I truly feel and that I meant every word that I said. “We’ll take things slow,” she asks. “At my pace?”

“At your pace.” I smile as I bite her lip and press my body against hers. “Except for in the bedroom.”

She laughs and again, it’s the most beautiful sound in the fucking world. Especially when it’s because of me. I never want to forget that sound. “I think I can handle that,” she whispers. “Just don’t hurt me, please. I can’t handle it.”

“I won’t do that. If I hurt you I will only be hurting myself more.” I gently suck her bottom lip into my mouth before kissing her. She kisses me back with a desperation that says she’s missed me as much as I’ve missed her before pulling away and placing her forehead to mine.

“Maybe you should stay at my house tonight. You know, come help me unpack.”

“All right, guys,” Cale jumps in between us and places his hand on my chest. “This is getting too fucking mushy. Slade, are you running a fucking fever?”

“Fuck you, Cale.” I push him out of the way and grab my woman, throwing her over my shoulder. She giggles and slaps my ass. I like it. “Have fun closing up the bar. I’m fucking out.”

Before Cale or Sarah can respond, I’m out the fucking door. I smack Aspen’s perfect little ass, causing her to bite me as I head for the white Jeep that she points to.

Looks like I have a lot to prove before Aspen will completely trust me and give herself to me fully. I’m willing to give it my all. She deserves better than what she’s had and that’s what I’ll be working to be. She’s opened my eyes and I’m not going to fucking let them close again. I’m tired of not living and just getting by day by day, trying my best to feel less dead.

I have no idea where this will take me and if it will work out, but it’s worth fighting for. That’s the only thing I know at the moment.

I’m going to show this woman that I can be her man and more; show her and myself that I’m still human . . .

The End