Marie Harte - Bending the Rules

She wanted to see him and Rex fucking again, but this time without masks.

Think, moron. They know. What now?

She focused on her worries and not her stupid libido. This was what she got for letting herself have a life. Anxiety, stress, ridicule…

“I’m sorry. It’s just… Sam always thinks he’s in charge of our relationship. Then he admitted he had feelings for Michelle. But they never told me about any of it until earlier today.” Another tear tracked down his cheek, and Nat swore he resembled a fallen angel. Where was the snot? The blotchy face she got when she bawled?

Not now.

“So you tried to make him jealous by outing me and Nat?” Rex said with disgust. “Jesus, Jason. I thought you understood about being discreet. Her job depends on it.”

“I’m so sorry, Natalie. Sam was breaking up with me, and I wanted to hurt him. I didn’t know he’d take the news to heart or tell anyone about it.”

Nat swore. “Of all the people in the world to tell, you had to confess to Josh Jessup’s best friend.” My world is way too small.

Rex groaned.

“I’m so sorry.” Jason kept repeating the words like a broken record.

While she felt for him, she worried for herself, and Rex too. He’d gone ashen, not what she’d expected of him.

“Rex?”

“We can do damage control, Nat. You know if Josh finds out he’ll tell as many people as he can.”

“So we say Jason lied.”

“Well, I kind of gave Sam details,” Jason apologized. “He didn’t believe me at first.”

Rex groaned and sat on the couch next to him.

“What details?” Nat asked.

“Things about Rex. Things Sam would know.”

Nat swung her gaze to Rex. “Sam too?”

He flushed. “Hey, the community isn’t that big down here. There are only so many of us bi-boys, you know? Besides, Sam and I haven’t played in years. Jason and I had been together a few months ago, but nothing again until you.” He turned back to Jason. “I thought you said you and Sam had an understanding.”

Good to know Rex wasn’t a home wrecker. Panic settled over her. She could lose her job, her reputation. Her job. She’d worked her ass off to get that position. Yet a few bits of gossip and all her hard work would be for naught. Done in by her passion for Rex Samson.

No, by her own perverted desires. She hadn’t known he was Rex when she’d watched J and R going at it.

Yet hadn’t Rex been the one to get her hot and bothered in the first place? Hadn’t she gone to the club with Freddy to rid herself of the lust he’d caused? And could she be that stupid to blame the man for her own attraction? Damn, Nat. Get a grip.

Jason was saying, “…but he’s serious about Michelle. I didn’t know. Then he was all jealous about you. I didn’t mean to throw Nat under the bus, but I recognized her. Sam knows you two are dating. Hell, everyone knows. So I kind of said I was a part of you two. It was stupid and you have no idea how sorry I am.”

Rex leaned his head back against the couch. “Shit. It won’t matter what’s true or not. Josh will run with this to ruin you, sugar.”

“Tell me something I don’t know. We’re sure Sam told Josh?”

Jason nodded. “He’ll go to Josh for comfort if he hasn’t already. They’re best friends.”

Nat didn’t know how to feel. A curious numbness stole through her. She needed time to process.

“This isn’t how I pictured our first argument would go,” Rex said, the fight all out of him. “Talk to me, Nat. What do you want to do?”

“I… I don’t know.” It didn’t matter what spin they put on it. Whether they convinced people to not believe the rumors or allowed them to stand, a whiff of scandal and Nat was gone.

“I think I need to go,” she said at last.

Rex nodded. “I’ll take you home.”

“I’ll get a cab,” Jason said, still crying. “I’m so sorry, guys. Freddy will ban me. Sam and Michelle are ditching me. God, life sucks.”

Nat didn’t hear him. She needed to find a way to deal with the future. Plan. Strategize. Rex drove her home in silence, darting glances at her but not speaking.

When the pulled up in front of her home, she moved to leave when he grabbed her arm.

“I’m sorry, Nat.”

She nodded, caught between numbness and despair.

“But I’m not sorry about us. It’s only a job, sugar.”

She tensed and glared at him. “Only a job? I busted my ass for three years to get that job, Rex. I love what I do.”

He sighed, looking tired. “I know you do, sugar. I just meant… Hell, I just want to make you feel better, but I don’t know how.”

She didn’t want to lash out at him. She knew this wasn’t his fault. He was a victim of circumstances as much as she was. “I know.” She leaned close to kiss him, and the soft hint of his breath warmed her where she’d gone cold. “I need some time to think. I don’t blame you for any of this.”

“That makes one of us,” he muttered. “I should have been more careful. But I was thinking with my dick. As usual.” He sounded disgusted with himself, which surprised her.

“Rex, seriously. If anyone’s to blame, it’s Jason.”

“Yeah, sure.” He cupped her neck. “I know you need time. Hell, whatever you need, it’s yours. Just… Don’t go too far away, okay? I love you, Nat.”

She smiled, and a deep hurt festered inside. Why, she had no idea, because the man of her dreams was confessing something awfully important. In this time when she’d need him most, he promised to be there for her.

She just wished she could accept his help without feeling like a failure.

“I’ll be fine.” She blinked hard to clear her vision.

He frowned, concerned. “Shit. Sugar, you call me if you need anything. I mean anything. Ice cream, to hit me, to hit Jason, some sex to ease this hard time,” he tried to joke.

Her watery smile didn’t help matters. Before she burst into stupid, unhelpful tears, she left the car and Rex behind.

The night hadn’t turned out anything like what she’d thought it might. The dinner with his parents had been amazing. Their time at the club even better. But those were fantasies, and she knew better than most how dreams could die.

Her parents hadn’t stayed together. Her first steady boyfriend—her boss a lifetime ago—had turned on her, stabbing her in the back to get his own promotion. She should have learned her lesson, but she had to try pushing the envelope. And not just by dating a major player in the city, but by taking her kink semi-public.

She knew better than to play out her games behind any closed door but her own. At least she used to hit the private spots outside of town. But being here, where so many people knew her, and knew each other…

Wiping her eyes as she stalked around her house, she eventually turned to cleaning to work off her energy. Monday morning and all its problems would come soon enough.

“I love you, sugar.”

Unfortunately, memories of Rex only made everything harder to handle. Because she loved the guy back, and she had no idea what to do about it.

Monday morning, she stared at the mayor standing before her desk. Lucky for her, Emily Deerborn, her boss, had come down with the flu, so the mayor, head of the city council, had taken it upon himself to give her the bad news.

“It’s a funny thing to hear. Especially about you.” To his credit, Tom Jessup looked uncomfortable. “But we all signed a decency agreement coming on to the job. Like the banks and educators, we public servants have a duty to the people of this city.”

“I know that, Mayor.” Nat refused to display any emotion. She’d cried out her frustrations yesterday and used tea bags and cucumbers to reduce the swelling under her eyes. Now she thought she just looked tired.