Nikolay Lakutin - Signs of sexuality

Thoughts about the very recent past, about the expected future rushed in my head like crazy: "Friend-eh friend, the work that I lived, the woman that I loved." Whirlwinds of thoughts did not allow to eat, sleep, think about something else, Valentin felt like losing the very ability to reason, it seemed life was cut short, and now the meaning of life is absolutely not visible on the horizon. Perhaps it is this sense, perhaps he is a little on the visible horizon, but the forces on a completely unfamiliar road in search of meaning was no more. All these time, all the misery just wasn't allowed to do anything, they were incinerated from the inside all what was in the mind, the soul, and now ruining the flames spread to the body. After spending a week with his mother, Valentine for the first time in a few days went outside to somehow unwind, just look at the white light and see some hope and some may be the answer to at least one of the many questions. It was at this moment that he met an old Gypsy on the descent of the bridge. And a person who has barely found the strength to try to abstract a little from the existing problems, suddenly receives the news that there is no more than a day to live.

Long he stood at the bridge, grinding the head of the last said Gypsy. Now he really didn't know what to do. The first thing that came to mind to drown herself, but what's the point, the day before, a day later…

After wandering a little more around the city with broken worries, thoughts, some possible cases, Valentine returned to his parents ' house, went to bed and slept soundly until the middle of the next day.

***

So hard not slept Valentin already many years. Almost immediately after the Institute, he got a fussy job, then another, later changed direction, and after some time, gaining experience, he opened a couple with a friend a small company that in a few years has acquired an impressive scale and came to a serious turn. All are in a hurry, worries, nerves, the works. Serious project launched in his business this unfortunate man who had every chance of success, and in the process of starting also sacrificed a restful sleep. And that's unfortunate exhausting week, which squeezed all that was left of strength and health.

But after the words of the Gypsy, something happened, something changed dramatically. It was empty, and faded care, completely, everything. Has not yet taken its place in my mind thoughts about the funeral and mourning ceremonies, as soon forthcoming, yet a burning desire to tell everything that I learned, family and friends, it is pitch-black emptiness and the calm…and a wild desire to forget in sleep and maybe never Wake up.

But when the sunlight is more in forces was to hold back the thick curtains, Valentin reluctantly opened his eyes. Some time I lay enjoying the relaxed and peaceful state that he felt every receptor your body. The head was light, the eyes rested, the body relaxed, the soul in its place, and the beats of the heart could not be heard. Such a state did not emerge in memory, probably from childhood, when a carefree boy, Valka with other boys from morning to evening drove the ball in the yard, and in the evening fell into bed, unable to eat anything and wash away the thick dust cover from the whole body.

And if not for the first thought :" am I not in Paradise?", it may be about yesterday's meeting with a Gypsy, a man would not have remembered for a long time. And remember, still found the strength to smile and said aloud to the empty light room:

I'm alive!

***

To think about death not like, mood was surprisingly easy and even in some extent festive.

– I will spend the last hours light, since it so happened that from all yesterday's problems I suddenly became free, – Valentin thought. With a simple-minded smile, he easily and naturally got out of bed, opened the curtains and saw life outside the window. Everything turns, everything turns, moves, flickers, even somehow I wanted to plunge into this rapidly changing and rapidly flowing, like a mountain stream, river.

– Since childhood, I have not been on the rides, and today is Sunday, all the entertainment centers are open!!!

And after Breakfast, forgetting about the painful mood of the man went to the amusement Park, the last time in my life taking my mother some money.

How cool was pouring the laughter of children with all sorts of rides, attractions and amusements. Young parents with their rosy kids riding on the colorful horses, the swirling shells, centrifugal wheels came the cheerful fervent cries the youth. The queue on the Ferris wheel forced to change the route, and the last free space in the next race "rail slides on the bends" Valentine sat down next to a cute smiling lady, about the same age, who seemed even happy neighbor on the coupe and gently asked:

– Excuse me, my cries, if I suddenly can't handle it, you know, lost a friend in a dispute on the desire, and she, the devil, as a well-deserved reckoning has placed me on this ride, knows I'm afraid of such things, but, as they say, a gambling debt…

– You play cards? – with curiosity asked his assistant delighted so pleasant partner Valentin?

– I, Yes, … and you not?

– I probably already forgot what suits are, I remember that the marking is red and black, well, that's where my knowledge of card games, perhaps, ends.

– No, you do not think, I not one for card games, just sometimes in the evenings so gets a little tiring, well I call you friend, she is the same lonely as I am, and he took in her intoxicating language to suggest a game you want, and I naively agreed.

– And you know, I, frankly, very happy that you and a friend are all so played out, and how could I have sat with some drunk teenager, not a wonderful lovely lady, by the way, very pleasant to talk to.

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