Philippa Carr - The love child

“Oh, Christabel, no!” I cried. “Not you!”

“Yes, I am afraid so. He did what he would with me. There was a picture. He made me pose for him”

I lowered my eyes. I could not look at Leigh.

“And he made me tell him all about you … and Jocelyn … Carlotta. He knew that it was your baby … not Harriet’s.”

“I begin to understand a great deal,” I said.

“He came back. He came back here. He needed money. He knew that I had married a rich man. Priscilla, I gave him money … to keep quiet and not tell Thomas. I could not have borne Thomas to know. He had this picture of me. He threatened. Oh, but you understand. I could not let it happen … I couldn’t. I was so happy. I had all that I had wanted all my life and now he had come to threaten it.”

“Oh, Christabel,” I murmured. “I understand. He was a wicked man.”

“I didn’t care what I did as long as I could stop him. He told me about that night with you. He was so proud of his cleverness in ruling our lives, making us, as he said, dance to his tune. We were his slaves. I had to do something. I had to try and hold what I had won at last. And there was only one way. I took a gun and I shot him. Yes, Priscilla, I killed him.”

Leigh was looking at me in a wondering bewilderment. We were both beginning to understand so much. It struck me suddenly that he had believed it was I who had killed Beaumont Granville, and I knew that he had taken the body away and buried it in order to save me.

“I came out of the house in a sort of daze. I was a murderess. I couldn’t believe that ordinary people such as I could really commit murder. The enormity of what I had done suddenly burst on me. I was afraid to go home. I waited there. I saw Leigh come out with the body. I saw him digging and I knew that he was going to bury it. I saw you, too, Priscilla, and I realized how deeply we were all involved in this. Knowing what I did made everything clear to me. Leigh was burying the body because he thought you had killed him. My great feeling then was a tremendous relief. I had done it. No one need know. Thomas would never hear of what I had been to Beaumont Granville. But it wasn’t quite like that. Nothing we do is so neatly cut off and finished. I have been so aware of you always, Priscilla. We are sisters … true sisters. I knew that you and Leigh were growing further and further apart and I understand why. This thing was between you. You had never talked of it, never told each other what really happened. He thought you had murdered that man and you thought he had. That was clear to me. It would always be there between you.”

“Oh, poor Christabel,” I said, “my sister. I know how you must have suffered.”

“I realized that there could be no happiness for me if I did not tell and yet I could not bear Thomas to know. He loved me so much. He had put me on a pedestal. I was so happy with him. That was why I had to kill this evil man. And when I had done it, there was some recompense I could make. I could give Thomas a child and I would die doing it.”

“You are not going to die,” I said.

“How can I live in peace with murder on my soul?”

“He is dead now,” said Leigh. “He deserved to die. Why should anyone ever know? He lies there on our land. No one will mourn him.”

“Murder is murder,” she said. “‘Thou shalt not kill.’ I am going to die. I know I am. I know I should. My child will live, though, and my love for Thomas will live. He will visit my grave and lay flowers on it and he will say, ‘She was a good wife to me.’ And my children will comfort him, and you two must comfort each other.”

She was smiling, and although there was death in her face there was radiance too. It was as though she had been lost for a long time and had suddenly found her way to peace.

Before the week was out she was dead.

Leigh and I came back to the Dower House. We did not speak. There was a great understanding between us. We knew that we were at the beginning of a new life together and that it would be good.