Philippa Carr - The Drop of the Dice

I should be rejoicing though in Sabrina’s happiness… if happiness it was. She was like a nun dedicated to a mission. She was marrying for pity. However, I must accept the fact that it was what she wanted and when she had set her mind on something she would never diverge from it.

I settled down to read. It must have been nearly two hours after the carriage had left when she came back. She was wrapped in an old cloak which she had certainly not been wearing when she left the house. She came into my bedroom and as she threw off the cloak I saw that her bodice was ripped open; her skirt was torn; there was a bruise on her neck and her face was the colour of parchment.

‘Sabrina!’ I cried.

She flung herself into my arms. She was sobbing and I could not quieten her.

‘Clarissa… Oh Clarissa,’ she murmured. ‘It was dreadful… dreadful… He’s dead. I didn’t do it. I swear I didn’t do it. It… it happened.’

‘Sabrina, my dearest, try to be calm. Tell me what happened.’

‘It was… that man…’

‘You mea… Sir Ralph?’

She nodded. ‘It was terrible, Clarissa. I fought him and I was getting exhausted. I couldn’t hold him off… He seemed so strong… I kicked… I screamed… I fought with all my might and then… Oh, Clarissa, I didn’t do it. It wasn’t my fault. It… it just happened…’

I went to the cupboard where Lance kept his brandy. I poured out a little and gave it to her. Her teeth were chattering so that she could not drink and her hands were shaking so that she could not hold the goblet.

‘Now tell me, Sabrina, tell me right from the beginning.’

She sat staring ahead as though she were still living in the nightmare. ‘When I got into the carriage,’ she said, ‘Reggie was not there.’

‘I saw you go and I thought it was strange that he had not got out to help you into the carriage.’

‘I didn’t think much of it until I arrived at the house. A housekeeper was there but there was no sign of Reggie. She said that Sir Ralph was waiting for me and she took me up to a room. She knocked at the door. There was no answer. Then she opened the door and I went in. It was a bedroom. There was a four-poster bed… I thought the housekeeper had made a mistake and I was about to say so when the door shut behind me and I was suddenly seized. It was that man… oh, Clarissa, how can I tell you? I was so frightened. He was so strong… and he was holding me.’

‘My dear child, this is terrible. I should never have let you go alone. I thought Reggie was taking you.’

‘So did I. But that man had planned it. He was waiting for me. It was awful. He said he had always wanted me. He said it would be in the family and there should be love between father and daughter… I tried to get away. I went to the window. I think I would have jumped out if I could. But he was there behind me. He had taken off the robe he was wearing. He was naked , Clarissa. It was… horrible. He pulled me down on the bed. He tore my bodice and my skirt…’

Again she turned to me and hid her face against me as though to shut out that terrible scene.

‘He said I was a vixen… but he liked vixens. He said there was more excitement when the girl was unwilling. He said horrible things… and he was leering at me all the time, licking his lips… his horrible flabby blue lips. I fought hard, Clarissa, but he was stronger than I was and I was afraid that he was going to win.’ She shuddered and shut her eyes tightly. ‘He was cursing me… and laughing at me… and tearing at my clothes—and then suddenly I felt his grip loosen. I had my hand over his mouth… shutting off those horrible lips… I could not bear the sight of them. And then… he wasn’t holding me any more. His face had gone blue and he was breathing in a noisy way. I was able to push him away from me… and he rolled off the bed and lay very still on the floor. His breathing had stopped and his eyes were wide open… staring. For a moment I couldn’t understand what had happened. Then I knew… He was dead.’

‘You came back home. That was all there was to do.’

‘But him… Clarissa. I left him there. I found this cloak. Perhaps it is his. I had to have something to cover myself up. I took it without thinking. I ran out of the house. I saw a chairman going by and he brought me here. I had just enough money still in my girdle reticule to pay him. Oh, Clarissa, what will happen?’

‘Nothing. You have done nothing wrong. It was his own fault. You are not responsible for his death. But are you sure he is dead? He might have fallen into a faint… or something like that.’

‘He was not breathing. I was sure of it. Clarissa, I was so frightened. I just ran…’

I soothed her. ‘Let me get you out of these things. I’ll take you to your bed. I’ll get something for you to drink. Something that will soothe you. Nanny Curlew will know what is best.’

She clung to me. ‘I could only think of you,’ she said. ‘How to get to you… How to be safe.’

I was deeply moved. It was as though she were part of myself. I wanted it to be like that always, throughout our lives. I believed that only death could come between us.

I spent a sleepless night. I sat with Sabrina until Nanny Curlew’s potion had had its effect and she fell into a peaceful sleep.

When Lance came in late he was flushed with success because he had had a winning night. I was still sitting up. It was no use going to bed for I knew I should not sleep. I kept wondering what the outcome of this would be. If Sir Ralph were indeed dead there would be an enquiry and Sabrina’s name would be mentioned as the woman who was with him when he died. There might well be malicious gossip. There were always those ready to damn reputations.

This was where Sabrina’s pity had led her.

Lance was amazed to find me sitting up. I quickly told him what had happened.

‘The swine!’ he cried. ‘By Gad, if he really is dead that’s no loss to the world.’

‘But what of Sabrina?’

He was thoughtful. Lance was a man who understood every facet of the social scene and I could see that he was thinking exactly as I was. There would be many to say that Sabrina had gone willingly to the house; some might say she had been his mistress and that her proposed marriage with Reggie was to make an easier situation for them. Sabrina would be notorious.

Lance and I talked for a long time and finally Lance said he knew how to handle the matter, and this should be fairly easy as long as no one knew that Sabrina had been the woman who was present when Sir Ralph had died. As so many women had been connected with him—many of them courtesans who would have visited him for a night—there might be no involved inquiry into the identity of his companion. That was providing it could be proved that he had died of heart failure brought on by intense excitement.

I said, ‘There was a letter from him to her asking her to call.’

‘We must destroy it,’ said Lance.’

‘I’ll get it at once.’ I knew she had left it lying on her dressing-table, for I had seen it there—without noticing it very much—when I had helped her to bed. I went quietly to her room. She was sleeping deeply. I picked up the letter and took it back to Lance.

He held it in the flame of a candle. We were both silent as the blue flame curled upwards.

‘Now,’ said Lance, ‘if no one saw her there is no evidence that she was there. No one would suspect a girl who was to marry his own son.’

‘Would they not?’ I asked. ‘Those who knew him might think he found the idea of making love to his daughter-in-law rather piquant.’

‘It won’t occur to them… unless the housekeeper who took her in recognized her.’

‘Wait a minute!’ I cried. ‘What of the coachmen? He sent his coach for her. They would remember her.’