Elizabeth Lowell - Only His

«Caleb.»

Slowly he opened his eyes, afraid to believe he wasn’t dreaming.

Willow looked at Caleb anxiously, her heart turning over at the expression on his face. Even as she winced at the headache that had come from nowhere, she touched his cheek with trembling fingertips, wanting to soothe the pain she saw in his eyes.

«You’re hurt,» Willow said, seeing the bloody bandage as though for the first time.

«I was shot.» Caleb looked at her intently, wondering at the concern in her, the emotion that made her look at him as though the past night had never happened. «So were you.»

Hazel eyes widened, revealing every shade of blue and green, amber and gray. Caleb felt his tension ease even more when both pupils contracted evenly in response to the increased light. The men who had died of their head wounds hadn’t been able to respond to light with both eyes.

«Shot?» she asked. «How? When? I don’t remember.»

«Don’t try to sit up,» he said, but it was too late.

A low sound came from Willow. Caleb caught her and eased her back down onto the bed.

«My head hurts.»

«Running into a bullet will do that.» He kissed her very gently and stroked her cheek. When she didn’t withdraw, but instead turned her face toward his caress, he felt a relief so great it was dizzying. He brushed his lips over hers and whispered, «Lie still, love. You’re weak as a kitten.»

«When did all this happen?»

Caleb looked at his watch and couldn’t believe so little time had passed. He felt as though he had spent months watching Willow’s unnatural sleep.

«Less than an hour ago,» he said.

She frowned, trying to remember. «Matt? Is Matt all right? Are you?»

«Your brother is up on the hill guarding us. My wound isn’t worth mentioning. Wolfe is getting your mares. He brought Ishmael back, too. Everything is fine. Except you. How much do you remember?»

Caleb couldn’t quite keep the hope from his voice. Amnesia sometimes followed head wounds. He would give a great deal if Willow could forget what had happened last night.

He knew the exact instant when Willow remembered. The light and loving concern left her eyes. Very slowly, she turned her face away so that his fingers were no longer touching her cheek.

«I remember riding out on Ishmael rather than have you marry me under the threat of Matt’s gun,» she said finally.

«Yes, I can see you remember that. Anything else?» Caleb asked tonelessly.

Willow frowned and lifted her hands to her temples, trying to rub away the pain. «I remember running Ishmael much too long, too hard.»

«Ishmael came through it just fine. Jed Slater didn’t have any use for people in general and women in particular, but he was the finest horseman Kentucky ever raised. He cooled out Ishmael personally. Do you remember anything else?»

«Fighting the man who grabbed me. It didn’t work. He slapped me so hard I couldn’t see or hear.»

Caleb’s jaw tightened. «You clawed him pretty good just the same.»

«Yes, I remember his face. He was the one guarding me.» Willow’s expression changed as she recalled the blood on Caleb’s knife. «I thought he was taking a nap, but he wasn’t, was he?»

«What else do you remember?»

«You,» Willow said simply. «You cut me free, crawled behind me out of camp, and when the shooting started, you covered me with your own body,» She looked at him through the thick amber screen of her eyelashes. «That’s when you were wounded, wasn’t it? I felt you jerk.»

«Do you remember anything else?»

«I’m sorry, Caleb,» she whispered, ignoring his attempt to change the subject. «I never meant for you to be hurt. I was the seducer, not the seduced. I knew Matt wouldn’t see it that way and I didn’t want him to shoot you for a seduction that was my fault, not yours, so I left. My brother is so fast with —»

Willow’s words were chopped off as her breath came in with a harsh sound. She remembered seeing Caleb turn and draw his gun in a flashing instant and thunder rolling, and it had happened all at once, all of a piece.

«You’re as fast as my brother.»

«Maybe, but probably not,» Caleb said evenly. «In any case, fast doesn’t always count. What counts is hitting what you shoot at and being willing to take a bullet in return.»

«You did.»

«So did Jed Slater. He’s lucky he died. I would have hung him for what he did to you.»

Willow sighed and pursued the only subject that mattered to her. «You aren’t afraid of Matt’s gun, so why did you agree to marry me rather than face him?»

«I didn’t want to kill someone you loved,» Caleb said simply. «You loved your brother. You said you loved me. One of us would have been killed, Willow. Probably both. That’s what happens when well-matched men are stupid enough or unlucky enough to meet over drawn guns. Since I planned on marrying you anyway, it seemed foolish to fight Reno over it. I’d just as soon your brother was alive to give you away.»

«When…» Willow swallowed dryly. «When did you figure out how good Matt was with his gun?»

«The minute Becky said the name Reno. Your brother has earned a reputation as a bad man in a fight. He’s never hunted that reputation, but that didn’t keep people from talking. Wolfe warned me, too. He said Reno and I would likely kill each other.»

«You knew all this and you went after Matt anyway?»

Caleb frowned down at Willow. «Of course. If I turned my back and walked away, who else would see that no more innocent girls were seduced and abandoned to die birthing Reno’s bastards?»

«Matt would never do such a thing!»

«I know. Now. And I won’t do it, either. We’re getting married, Willow.»

«You didn’t seduce me!» she said through clenched teeth.

«Horseshit,» Caleb said roughly. Then he touched Willow’s cheek in silent apology. «Honey, no man ever crept up on a girl’s blind side as carefully as I did on yours. Your combination of innocence and passion made me ache until I thought I would go crazy. I was determined to have you, but I was even more determined to make you ask for me. My pride couldn’t take the thought of anyone saying that I had taken you against your will.»

«So that’s why you told me to push you away,» Willow said in a faint voice, understanding too late.

«That’snotwhy,» Caleb said in a low voice. «I had just learned you were the sister of the man I had vowed to kill. I knew if I took you, you would hate yourself as much as you hated me when you faced me over Reno’s dead body. I didn’t want that, but I wanted you so much I couldn’t force myself to turn away.»

Willow’s eyes widened in shock as she understood what Caleb had tried to spare her…but even his formidable self-control hadn’t prevented him from taking her.

«That’s when I told you to push me away,» Caleb whispered, «when I knew you were Reno’s sister. The thought of you hating me ripped me apart, but I didn’t know what I could do to stop it. I couldn’t live with myself if I let Reno go on and seduce other girls. Yet I wanted you so much I couldn’t let you go. No matter what choice I made, I lost.»

Understanding wrenched Willow as she remembered facing the choice of marrying a man who didn’t love her or watching the man she loved die beneath her brother’s gun. Neither choice had been bearable, so she had simply walked away, leaving both choices behind. Caleb hadn’t had even that unhappy escape. Duty or desire or death had made a complete, seamless trap. No room to plead or hide. No way to be free. No way to change what would happen. No way to live with what would happen.

Willow didn’t know what she would have done if there had been no escape for her. She made a low sound, caught in the painful understanding that Caleb had paid a high price for the passion she had created in him.