Kresley Cole: If You Desire

"I swear to you, this will be the last," he said, his tone steely. "Is that correct, MacCarrick?"

"Aye, it is."

"That's good to hear, son. My carriage is outside—you can take her to Grosvenor Square in it."

Hugh nodded, then strode straight out the front door. More guests were arriving as he descended the stairs with her. She closed her eyes tightly in mortification.

When Hugh placed her in the carriage, she was breathless, speechless, and dizzy. As soon as they were rolling forward, Hugh dragged her across his lap, his hands flying to her face, cradling her cheeks as he pressed his lips to hers.

She froze, stunned.

"Sìne," he rasped. "Ah, God, lass, kiss me back." He brought his mouth down over hers, kissing her in that desperate way, as if it was the last he'd ever take from her. And like a fool, she felt herself responding to his need, to the urgency of it. He groaned, deepening the kiss as he clenched her in his arms.

She was so close to getting swept up, missing him so badly, all but forgetting the pain he'd caused.No, no, no! She forced herself to break away, pushing at him. "You said you wanted totalk to me. And I didn't even agree to that. You haven't given me any explanation."

After several moments, he released her, just as the carriage eased to a stop. When a footman opened her door, she hurried out, but paused when faced with the grand façade of the MacCarrick town house.

Her anger and hurt came back redoubled; a light mist began to fall, making her blink as she stared.

All those times she'd ridden by, praying to see him—and he'd been avoiding her all along. Had he seen her from the window and closed the drapes? She felt her bottom lip trembling to remember how badly she'd ached, how terribly she'd yearned to see him.

And that had only been the first time she'd lost him.

"Jane?" he bit out in a strangled tone to see her eyes watering. His one chance to win her back…And all I've done is make her cry. Of all the reactions he'd anticipated, her crying was not one of them. He clasped her hand in his, pulling her inside out of the damp night. He could tell she wanted to resist, but she didn't seem to have the energy.

He took her directly up into his room and sat her on his bed, curling his finger under her chin. She'd closed her eyes, but the tears were spilling out. He felt as if a knife was being plunged repeatedly into his chest with each tear. "My God, lass, did I hurt you? Was I too rough with you in the carriage?" His breath left his lungs in a rush. "Christ, I was." He remembered little of that mind-boggling kiss—he'd probably squeezed her with all the strength in his body. "I've wanted this for so long, and to be so close…I could no' control myself."

When she said nothing, just continued to cry, he murmured, "This played out badly, I ken that, and I am sorry for it. Ach, Jane, this is killing me."

"Then take—me—back," she said, biting out the words.

"You doona want to go back like this with all those people there."

She pummeled his chest. "Then take me to Claudia's!"

"I canna do that either, lass."

How could he have bungled this so badly? He hadn't been thinking clearly after everything that had happened and the mad journey here. But then to see her like a vision in the candlelight? The realization that this stunning, brave woman washis wife had hit him like a punch. Hewas the lucky bastard who got to dine with her each night and wake up beside her each morning. All he had to do was win her.

Then he'd seen Bidworth. And assumed the worst.

"I've much to tell you and could no' wait any longer. I wanted to stay married to you. But you know why I believed I could no'."

"Because of thecurse ." Her eyes glittered, and her tone was cold. "I would bevery careful bringing that up to me."

"Aye, but since then I found out my brother's to be a da." How odd to say that. Hugh liked saying that. "He's married, happy—"

"So are you saying that the curse has been lifted?" She put her chin up. "Perhaps a magical charm was used to combat it? Will I be expected to wear a MacCarrick talisman around my neck?"

"I'm saying we misinterpreted the words. I knew when I saw Annalía was pregnant—"

"Listen to yourself! There's this curse that's prevented you from accepting me as your wife, but since some woman that I don't even know named Annalía conceived, nowwe can be together. Do I have it right?"

"It sounds mad. But today, for the first time, I realized I could have a future with you—without fear for you."

"Not good enough, Hugh. What if something else happens to make you think you'll hurt me again? You didn't believe in us before—why should I now? What if you find out what the book says under the blood, and it's even more devastating?"

"Court and Annalía think the last two lines qualify the ones that came before—that they're about each son finding the one woman he's supposed to be with. I believe that."

"And I'm the one woman for you?" Her tears were easing.

He drew his head back. "I havenever doubted it."

"So you think you can get me with child now?"

"Aye." His voice gruff, he said, "I dinna, did I?"

"No, you didn't." At his relieved expression, she said, "Is the idea of children with me such a dread prospect?"

"No, but the thought of you in labor, in pain, at risk…" He stifled a shudder. "I dreadthat . And lass, I would no' share you well, no' even with my own bairns."

She tilted her head at his admission, her eyes seeming to soften as she gazed at him. "But you didn't get me pregnant. Will that change your mind?"

"No, nothing will."

"You said over and over that it wasn't just about the curse. You gave me reason after reason why we wouldn't suit."

"No, they were just excuses—"

"Are you saying you lied to me, then?"

"No, I've never lied to you. And I made those excuses to myself as much as to you." At her raised eyebrows, he said,

"The reasons were true, but they doona matter anymore—because I will be whatever you need me to be." He brushed away the last of her tears with his thumb, and she sniffled, but let him.

"You can't change that you're a loner. I'm not, and I won't live a solitary existence. Would you keep me from my family?"

"No, never. If that's the only thing standing between us, I'll bloody move in with a houseful of them."

Her eyes went a shade wider. "Really?" she said slowly.Raaaally. "You would do that?"

"Lass, none of what I've found out will matter if I canna have you. My future's with you, or I might as well not have one."

"But I'm…afraid, Hugh. Something else could change your beliefs, and then I'd lose you a third time." She briefly looked away when she admitted, "I couldn't do it a third time."

"Do you know how badly I wanted to seize onany of your arguments at Beinn a'Chaorainn for why we could be together? But I could no'. And even then I struggled no' to let you go. It was selfish of me, but I never sent for Quin to come for you."

"You didn't?"

He shook his head, gently laying his hands on her shoulders to rub up to her neck and back. "I've always been searching for a way I could have you, and now I've got one. If you accept me now, you will no' be able to get rid of me."

"So you came for me tonight because you want to be completely married?" Jane said, nibbling her lip. "To live together?"

"Aye, Sìne, if you'll have me." He swallowed, then enfolded her in his arms, but she was stiff, silent. Moments passed….

When she at last wrapped her arms around him, too, he exhaled, realizing he'd been holding his breath.

He drew back and cupped her face, gazing down at her. "Jane, I've told you before that I'm no' a good man—"

"But won't you be good tome ?"