Джорджетт Хейер: The Reluctant Widow

“Yes, I wish for your advice,” Carlyon replied. “I am satisfied that Cheviot and I are at one in desiring to restore that memorandum without involving either of our families in any scandal. His suggestion to me is that if I prefer not to entrust the matter to him you might be able to take it out of both our hands.”

“Restore the thing secretly, do you mean?” John said. “No, no, I can have nothing to do with such a course! It would be most improper in me, even if I knew how it might be achieved, which I am happy to say I do not!”

“What an excellent official you are, John!” murmured Francis.

Carlyon smiled slightly and drew the memorandum from his pocket and gave it to Francis. “Take it, then.”

“Ned!”

“Well, John, what would you have me do? I cannot carry it to Bathurst without divulging Bedlington’s part in the theft, and if you wish to run into that kind of scandal I can only say that I do not.”

John was silent, his face much troubled. Francis slid the folded sheets into his pocket.

“I shall not thank you,” he said. “One does not thank a man for handing one a live coal. I think I should make arrangements to journey to Cheltenham Spa when I am at last rid of this business. I have always found the air there to agree tolerably with me.”

“If this were ever to come out!” John exclaimed.

Francis gave one of his eloquent shudders. “John, my nerves have already been called upon to stand more than they are in any condition to do. Pray do not raise horrid specters! I dare say I shall not close my eyes this night as it is!”

“Well,” said John bluntly, “I’ve no wish to insult you, Cheviot, but I hope to God Ned does right to trust you with this!”

“Indeed, and so do I!” agreed Francis amiably. “If I were to be held up on my way to London tomorrow by highwaymen, for instance, how shocking it would be!”

“It’s very well to turn if off with a jest, but I am sure I do not know how you will contrive to restore that memorandum without being discovered!”

“I expect you will be happier if I do not tell you, dear John. It will not be so very difficult. Really, I have only to make up my mind whom I most dislike at the Horse Guards. It will be a choice, I own, but I do not despair of hitting upon the very man. who would be all the better for a setdown.”

John looked horrified. “I had rather know nothing of what you mean to do!” he said hastily.

“The perfect official!” smiled Francis, rising. “And now, my dear Carlyon, if I may be permitted to retire? I have had such a fatiguing day, and all this junketing about the countryside is just what my doctor most earnestly deprecates. I wonder if I am in right in preferring Cheltenham to Bath? Dear me, there is no end to the problems that beset one, is there?”

When Carlyon, having escorted his guest upstairs to a suitably warmed bedchamber and delivered him into the care of his valet, joined the drawing room party, he found that Nicky was loudly giving vent to his disgust at the outcome of the adventure. Nothing, he insisted, could have been tamer, while as for Francis Cheviot’s continued presence in the house, the only circumstance that could in any way reconcile him to such, an abominable thing would be if Bouncer were to bite him. Bouncer, who had been released from prison and was stretched out before the fire, wagged a willing but slightly weary tail and heaved the sigh of a dog who has spent a successful but exhausting day.

It was not to be expected that John could readily accustom himself to the thought of his brother’s unorthodox conduct. Nightmarish possibilities kept on rearing up their heads, not the least of these being a doubt of Francis’ sincerity. His arguments were met by Carlyon with calm patience, and although he did not quite talk himself out of them he was able at last to admit that he did not know what else could have been done, and was merely thankful the matter had not been left to his judgment.

Elinor, when she heard a brief account of Francis’ activities, could only say that she was glad to think she had not known what a desperate character she was harboring at Highnoons.

“Yes, only fancy if he had had that swordstick of his in his hand when he found you tampering with the clock!” exclaimed Nicky. “I dare say he would not have hesitated to stab you with it, for if a man will stab his best friend there is no telling where he will stop!”

“Just what I was thinking,” Elinor agreed. “I may be thankful, though I quite see that it would have been a very exciting thing to have happened. How flat it will be at Highnoons now!”

“By Jupiter, yes! There will be no bearing it. You know, Ned, I don’t think I have ever enjoyed myself more in all my life! Except for the wretched work you have made of the end of it, you and John between you!”

“For heaven’s sake, Nick, do not be saying that I had anything to do with it!” John besought him, “Ned knows how far I am from approving of his conduct.”

The widow looked much struck. “Is it so, indeed? Can I have heard you aright, Mr. Carlyon?”

Carlyon smiled, but John looked puzzled, and said earnestly, “I have never made the least secret of my sentiments upon this event, ma’am. But so it is always with my brother! He will always go his own way, be it never so crazy!”

“Now John, don’t be prosing again!” Nicky begged. “Ned’s a great gun—at home to a peg!”

“Yes, that is all very well, and I don’t doubt his notions suit you very tolerably, but it will not do! This was not right. You are a sensible woman, ma’am: I appeal to you! You must be aware of the whimsical nature of his behavior throughout this affair!”

“No one,” Elinor assured him, “is more so, sir! And what I find so particularly disagreeable in him is his habit of making the outrageous things he does seem to be the merest commonplace! I dare say I may not have mentioned it before, but I shall not scruple to tell you, Mr. Carlyon, that I consider him to have been ruined by the indulgence shown him by his family, till he has become overbearing, self-willed, ruthless, lawless, set up in his own conceit, insensible of the claims of others—”

“Why, Cousin Elinor, I thought you liked him!” Nicky cried, quite shocked.

“I cannot think where you came by such a notion,” said Elinor firmly. “Pray, what cause have I to like one who has subjected me to all the ills I have suffered at his hands? My credit has been destroyed, my chance of finding a home in a very eligible household foiled, and I have been exposed to all the dangers of a treasonable plot.’ ?

“It is very true, upon my word!” John said. “Ned, I do not think you have used Mrs. Cheviot well, you know.”

“I cannot agree to it,” replied Carlyon. “I make it a rule always to get over heavy ground as light as I can, and you will scarcely deny that we have met with very heavy ground from start to finish of this business. We are now safely over it, at the trifling cost of a hole in Nicky’s shoulder and a bruise on Mrs. Cheviot’s head.”

“Oh!” exclaimed Elinor indignantly. “This passes everything!”

“Well, I don’t grudge my share in it, I can tell you!” Nicky declared. “But I know you are funning, Cousin Elinor! You would not have missed such sport, now, would you?”

Carlyon laughed, and rose to his feet. “You will never prevail upon her to own as much, Nicky. Come, ma’am, it is time I was taking you back to Miss Beccles before you have quite undermined my credit with my brothers.”

“Indeed, my lord, it is quite unnecessary for you to put yourself to the trouble of escorting me,” Elinor replied, getting up also. “After all I have gone through, a mere drive of seven miles, even supposing I were to be held up by footpads, can hold no terrors for me.”