Karen Wasylowski - Darcy and Fitzwilliam - A Tale of a Gentleman and an Officer

“You won’t escape me that easily, madam.” His voice sounded gruff as he placed her hand upon his arm. “Never again.”

Darcy was grinning, still delighting in the memory of his cousin’s irritated reaction to the elegant bow and gracious compliments he bestowed upon Lady Penrod at their introduction. In fact, he was purposely continuing those attentions as he now joined the couple at their table for refreshments.

“Don’t let us keep you, Darcy.” Fitzwilliam grunted as Darcy ignored him to pull up a chair and turn to address Amanda. Within seconds, Georgiana and Emily also arrived. “I’m certain you all have somewhere else to be… anywhere else…” He was growing very tired of trying to be subtle. Soon he would be flinging them all out the door.

“Nonsense, Cousin, we don’t mind.” Georgiana was sipping happily on her lemonade, relieved to be away from the crush. “It is just so good to have some quiet privacy, is it not? It is impossible to visit intimately with all those people surrounding you. Well, you two seem to be hitting it off quite splendidly.”

“Yes. I am afraid I have monopolized too much of the colonel’s time this evening, and he has been very kind.”

“I have enjoyed every moment.” His eyes devoured the young woman then turned to Darcy and silently commanded him to leave. Darcy gleefully ignored him.

“Georgiana has told me of the officers who were bothering you earlier this evening. Apparently the colonel rescued you from some scoundrels.” Darcy had to avert his eyes from his cousin’s obvious irritation.

“Oh yes, he was quite magnificent.” The besotted couple stared at each other, lost to the world. Amanda forced herself to turn away. “Truth be told, I did not understand much of what they said. There are so many colorful terms.”

“Give us an example, madam, and we shall do our best to enlighten. The cant vernacular can be confusing even to a native.”

Amanda began to share with them some of the slang words that had been used by the officers. They were able to explain one or two to her, amid growing laughter. Phrases like “plant him a facer” and “watering pot” were easily explained.

“‘Lobsterback?’” Amanda chuckled.

“‘British soldier,’” supplied Georgiana.

“Really? What about ‘soiled dove’?”

“‘A lady of the evening,’” muttered Fitzwilliam, “and I’m going to kill them.”

Amanda patted his hand tenderly. “I am not offended. Please do not cause a fuss; besides, this is such fun. There was one officer who fancied himself a ‘rum cove.’”

Fitzwilliam explained that was a word for a ‘clever rogue,’ his voice rising to be heard over the raucous chatter of a particular group walking by them.

“Oh, then perhaps that was what the other word meant, the word that was said back to him.”

“What word was that, madam?” Darcy strained to hear as he retrieved champagne from a passing waiter.

“‘ Bollocks ,’” she called out loudly at the very moment the chattering stopped.

Georgiana, Darcy, and Fitzwilliam were waiting alongside the fringes of the ballroom. “Do you think… she’ll ever return?” Darcy spoke aloud to no one in particular. With his hands clasped behind his back, he stood casually, biting his lip, his eyes cast toward the ceiling. Fitzwilliam did not respond, just leaned his shoulder against the wall and thrust his hands deep into his pockets. He lowered his head in a vain attempt to disguise his grin.

Georgiana was angry. “You are both no better than twelve-year-olds.” She shook her head while her brother rubbed his face rather vigorously.

“If only she had not spoken so loudly.” After a moment, the two cousins turned their heads away from each other as they choked back laughter.

“I see I do a disservice to twelve-year-olds.”

“Georgiana is right.” Fitzwilliam attempted a more serious look. “I only hope we haven’t upset her too much with our teasing.” It took only a second for the men to begin laughing again.

“I am going to find her. Richard, I think you should come along, and, Brother, you go see to our aunt, who is again turning this way.” Georgiana stared at the two men, daring them to refuse.

“I’ll go intercept Aunt Catherine.” A still laughing Darcy went off, dramatically sighing at his martyrdom.

They saw Emily standing in the hallway, patiently answering the questions of two extremely elderly society matrons scrutinizing the consequence of her ancestry. She excused herself and approached Fitzwilliam and Georgiana.

“Is Amanda all right?” Georgiana asked.

“She’s fine, only a little upset.”

Fitzwilliam’s heart sank with regret. “I am so sorry if we hurt her in any way.”

“No, no, Colonel. No, she was vastly amused, actually. As a matter of fact, we laughed all the way here.” Emily gently placed her hand on his arm. “She was asked to leave the ladies’ retiring room. It was all quite humiliating. It seems several of the ladies mistook her for a servant and were incensed at her entering.” Emily shook her head sadly. “When she began to explain, they laughed at her, called her a backwoods colonial.”

Georgiana’s tears threatened to fall at any moment. “Why must people be unkind? She is such a delightful and gentle woman.” She looked intensely at Emily. “Amanda, I mean.” Emily stared at her blankly before Georgiana repeated what she had said. “Yes, a really delightful and gentle woman.”

Finally, Georgiana kicked her new friend’s ankle.

“Owww… oh! Yes. She, I mean Amanda, is a most wonderful person. She volunteered to escort me this evening. I know my aunt, uh, warned her that there would be repercussions against her, you know, being American and having no, um, social station or family to speak of, but being such a lovely person, she did not want me to miss this evening.”

Emily saw concern cloud the colonel’s face and decided she was doing splendidly. She immediately infused her narrative with a little more drama, a bit more dash, nearly overturning a vase with her emotional hand sweep. “Oh, how thrrrrilled Amanda was to be finally allowed out this evening, the poor, poor dear. Then to be brutally insulted in a ladies’ area! The indignity! The humiliation! The odor! Shocking! And dear Amanda forever thinking of others, you know. Yes, always kind and patient she is, and positively the most beautiful woman alive, don’t you think so, too? Even in the morning when her hair sticks out all over and she has that little drool on her lip and her eyes are all crusty…”

Georgiana vigorously shook her head and then cleared her throat, but nothing could dissuade Emily’s eloquence now. “It is not I alone who feel this way. No, no, no, I tell you, men fall over themselves into dead, writhing heaps, swept away in stoopid admiration wherever she goes, follow her around like stoopid little apes. Little hairy apes. Ouch! Georgiana, don’t pinch me like that. Where was I?” Her eyes darted from Georgiana’s exasperated countenance back to the colonel’s. “Oh, she has a little boy, you know, lost custody of him to my old aunt when Cousin Augustus passed. Now she has to beg to be allowed to see her son, you know, her own son! Beg, I tell you! No, that is just so very wrong, unnatural, uh, don’t you think? What a magnificent mother she is, too, kind and patient. She is just so very, uh, lovely and beautiful. Did I say that? I did? It must be true then, ha, ha, ha. Yes, yes, yes, lovely and beautiful. And kind. A really good, good mother…”

Fitzwilliam and Georgiana stared at Emily for several moments after her performance faded to a halt.