Abigail Reynolds - To Conquer Mr. Darcy

“We had best not quarrel for the greater share of blame annexed to that evening,” said Elizabeth. “The conduct of neither, if strictly examined, will be irreproachable; but I must and will hold myself responsible for the errors I have made, despite your generous attempts to exculpate me, sir.”

“Miss Bennet,” he said gravely, “perhaps we could demonstrate we have both improved in civility since that time by agreeing to begin anew and attempting to see one another without preconceptions.” If she refuses this, I know not what I shall do. Now that I have seen her again, how can I accept she will never be mine? he thought, awaiting her response with trepidation.

Elizabeth could not but be aware of the significance of his request, but was unsure what her response should be. She was relieved to have cleared the slate by expressing her regrets to him, and would be pleased by a cessation of hostilities, for the sake of Jane and Bingley if nothing else. But did she wish to allow anything more? She could not imagine developing a tender regard for Mr. Darcy, and it would be cruel to raise any false hopes in him, yet refusing this overture that he had clearly come all the way to Hertfordshire to make would certainly be hurtful as well, and she was beginning to appreciate that he was a man of greater depth than she had realized. Glancing up at him, she saw a drawn look that clearly bespoke the tension that he was feeling, and discovered she had less capacity to disregard his feelings than she would have thought.

“I would be willing to entertain the possibility that we might yet be friends, sir, but as I do not wish to raise hopes for any future understanding that might come from it, I would ask you to reconsider whether this is a path you wish to tread,” she finally said, gazing into the clouds in the distance, wondering how she would feel if he in fact demurred.

At least she did not refuse completely , he thought, surely that must be promising. Her statement was disappointing in its view of the future, but he could not forget that she had made an effort to resolve their earlier misunderstanding at some cost to her own pride, when it would have been far easier for her to simply let him go. He wondered whether her actions spoke louder than her words in this case, or whether they were no more than a manifestation of a sense of honor that would not permit her to leave him under a misconception. He could not be certain, but perhaps it was enough simply to be allowed to be with her for now. Yes, it was enough, more than enough. “I believe that I shall take my chances, Miss Bennet.”

Elizabeth felt a not completely unpleasant sort of tension from his response. She had not thought he would be so open about his intentions. Any other gentleman of her acquaintance would have agreed to be friends, and not suggested a desire for more at this stage. What was it he had said at Hunsford? Disguise of every sort is my abhorrence. Clearly, she would need to accustom herself to a greater degree of frankness than she usually encountered. “I do not know whether you are brave, foolhardy, or both, Mr. Darcy,” she said, attempting to lighten the atmosphere.

“‘Nothing ventured is nothing gained,’” he replied with a smile.

“‘Fools rush in where angels fear to tread,’ Mr. Darcy,” she said in lively retort.

“‘Fortune favors the brave,’ Miss Bennet.”

“Let me see… ‘the fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.’”

Darcy smiled wickedly. “‘None but the brave deserves the fair.’”

Elizabeth, knowing she had been outdone, asked, “Was that Lovelace?”

He lifted an eyebrow. “Dryden, actually.”

She laughed. “Well, sir, you have bested me for today. I shall have to retire from the field.” And I have made the startling discovery that the sober Mr. Darcy, despite all rumors to the contrary, appears to have a sense of humor.

“I believe that I shall claim a penalty, then, and request that you come to Netherfield to meet my sister,” he said.

She gave him a sidelong glance. “Right now?”

“Unless you are otherwise engaged.”

She inclined her head with an arch smile. “No, sir, I am not. You may lead on.”

“I could, Miss Bennet, but that would be foolish , since you no doubt know the route better than I.”

“A fool who knows his own limitations, then,” she said playfully.

“A fool that knows his own heart, at least.”

Elizabeth colored. “I believe the shortest route to Netherfield is that way, Mr. Darcy.” And fortunately it is not very far, she thought. Thinking it was high time for a change of subject, she asked him to tell her about his sister, a subject that kept them occupied most of the journey.

Elizabeth felt embarrassed arriving at Netherfield in the company of only Mr. Darcy and then entering without a chaperone into a bachelor household. She knew this would likely occasion some talk among the servants, and hoped none of it would find its way back to Longbourn. She was relieved of these societal concerns when she finally encountered Miss Darcy in the music room, where she had been practicing the pianoforte. She seemed startled to be interrupted, but gave a quick, bashful smile when Darcy introduced Elizabeth to her.

Darcy had not overstated her shyness, Elizabeth decided. “I am delighted to meet you at last, Miss Darcy. Your brother has told me so much about you,” she said with her warmest smile.

“I am sure he has been far too kind in what he has said,” Miss Darcy said softly, “but I am very pleased to make your acquaintance, Miss Bennet.”

“I have heard great praise for your musical abilities.”

Miss Darcy glanced at her brother. “I fear he is prejudiced in my favor, but I do love music.”

Elizabeth put aside her own sense of discomfort by expending all of her considerable abilities to put Miss Darcy at ease. She was pleased to discover that underneath her shyness lurked an intelligent young woman eager to have a friend. Elizabeth entertained her with stories about her sisters, and encouraged her to talk about her time at school.

Darcy participated but little in the conversation, seeming quite content to observe Elizabeth, who found his gaze the more disturbing now that she understood its true nature than when she had thought he watched her only to criticize. As soon as civility would allow, she made her excuses, claiming that she would be needed at home. Miss Darcy stumbled through an invitation to call again soon, which Elizabeth warmly met with an invitation to visit at Longbourn. She stole a sly glance at Darcy to see how he bore the suggestion, but saw no evidence of concern or displeasure.

As she rose to leave, Darcy stood and said, “Miss Bennet, may I request the honor of escorting you back to Longbourn?”

Elizabeth, taken by surprise by this application, scarcely knew what to say. She would in fact much rather he did not, as she certainly had enough worry on his account already, but as there was no polite way to decline in front of his sister, she agreed to accept his company.

She felt distinctly nervous as they started off, and resolved immediately to behave as if nothing was out of the ordinary, which meant of course that it became completely impossible for her to behave in a natural manner. They walked in silence for some time, until Elizabeth, growing uncomfortable, decided that it was better to have conversation. “I enjoyed meeting your sister. She is quite charming, underneath that shy exterior.”

“I was pleased that she opened up so much to you; it is not that common for her.”

She stole a sly look at him. “But not, it seems, unheard of; Miss Bingley always claimed to have a close friendship with Miss Darcy.”