Виктория Холт: Victoria Victorious: The Story of Queen Victoria

There was a brief silence. I had done something terrible. Mama would say I had behaved in a most vulgar way. Lehzen would be hurt because I had disgraced her. I had been warned, time after time, that I should be in the presence of the King. I was only to lift my lips and smile, and I was not to do that often. The King would be furious. He would say I had ignored his royalty. Oh dear, what had I done!

I drew away and then I saw his face. There were tears in his eyes. He seemed suddenly much nicer than the man in the picture. He put his arms around me and held me tightly against him. It was like lying on a feather bed.

He said, “You are a dear little girl and you have given me great pleasure.” Then he kissed me.

And in that moment I loved Uncle King.

WHEN THE AUDIENCE was over and we went to our rooms in Cumberland Lodge which were made ready for us, I was still thinking about Uncle King. Mama said nothing about my behavior, which was very strange. But she was thoughtful.

I longed to be alone with Feodore so that I could ask her why there was this odd silence. There was something else I wanted to ask Feodore. What had she thought of the King? When she had been presented to him, he had shown clearly that he liked her. Her chair had been placed next to his and he had engaged her in conversation for quite a long time. I had heard them laughing together. I think she quite liked him, too. In fact, it was difficult not to like him. He was so pleasant and charming to everyone, and if one did not look at him one could quite imagine someone as handsome as the young man in the miniature.

As Lehzen sat in my bedroom until Mama came to bed, I did not talk, but lay quietly thinking of the visit. I was still not asleep when Mama came up.

She came to my bed and looked down at me. “Not asleep?” she asked. “Why not?”

“I do not know why not,” I answered. “It is just that I am not asleep.”

Mama said, “It has been an exciting day. You were presented to the King.”

I thought: Now it is coming. I am going to hear what a disgrace I was to them all, how badly I had behaved, throwing my arms about the King's neck; and kissing him twice when only one kiss had been asked for was an offense to royalty. I might be sent to the Tower like poor Sir Walter Raleigh, one of the most splendid of the dolls.

“The King was in a good mood today,” said Mama.

I was going to say how much I liked him, but I did not think that was what Mama wanted to hear.

“You should be careful, Victoria.”

“Oh yes, Mama.”

“Remember your uncle is the King.”

“Oh, I won't forget.”

“Sometimes he hardly behaves like one.”

“I thought he was very nice, Mama. He has lovely hair and such pink cheeks… and yet he is very very old.”

“Things are not always what they seem. The hair is not his own. It is a wig and his cheeks are painted.”

I was astounded, and tried to imagine what he would look like without those lovely curls.

“They did look very nice,” I commented, still wanting to speak for him, “and even if the curls were not his own, his kindness was.”

Mama ignored that. She said earnestly, “If he were to make any suggestion to you, you must tell me at once.”

“What suggestion, Mama?”

“I think he liked you.”

“Oh yes, he did. He said I was a dear little girl. He didn't mind that I called him Uncle King. I think he liked it.”

“He would! If ever he should ask you if you would like to live at Windsor, you must tell me at once.”

To live at Windsor! To see the King often! To ride in the park …perhaps to be alone now and then…It did not seem such a terrible prospect.

“To live at Windsor …,” I said excitedly.

“You must tell me at once. It may be that the King will want to take you away from me…from your home… and to keep you at Windsor.”

“Why, Mama?” I asked eagerly. “Why?”

“Never mind why.”

What a constant cry that was! If one never knew why, one remained ignorant about so many things.

She kissed me. “Now go to sleep.”

But I could not sleep. People cannot command sleep any more than they can make people never mind why.

THAT WAS ONLY the beginning. It was very clear that the King was determined I should enjoy my visit to him and that it should be one that I would never forget. Feodore told me that he had asked her what I liked and she had said that I liked dancing and music. He had declared, “Then dancing and music there shall be. At all costs we must please the little Victoria.”

Feodore told me that she thought he was charming also. He was very attentive to her. In fact I began to believe that he preferred her to sit close to him rather than me. Though I could not complain of his treatment of me. His eyes would light up when he saw me in a way I can only describe as tender, and he had that soft look in them that was near to tears but not quite, and his cheeks would wobble and his lips twitch as though he found me rather amusing.

There was an entertainment in the conservatory and I was seated next to him to watch. I could not help clapping my hands in appreciation of the magnificent movement of the dancers and when there was singing I sat there entranced. The King kept looking at me and smiling; and although Mama might disapprove of my obvious delight—once I jumped up and down in my seat—the King seemed very pleased about it; and when I looked at him uncertainly, he said, “Yes, I quite agree. If I were as agile as you, my dear, I should do the same. They are worthy of such appreciation.”

It occurred to me that he made a point of remarking on everything I liked of which Mama would disapprove. Once I caught him looking at her and his expression was very different from that which came my way.

He likes me , I thought, but he does not like Mama.

He leaned toward me and said, “I know you would like to ask the band to play something—a favorite of yours. Would you?”

“Oh yes,” I replied.

“What shall it be?”

I looked at him steadily—his pink cheeks and his lovely curls and his wrinkled, pouchy eyes—and I loved him because he was so kind to me and made me feel that I could be myself and not have to be the little girl Mama wished me to be.

I said, “‘God save the King.' That is a very good song.”

He gave me that strange look again and said, “Yes, I do indeed think you are a very nice little girl. Thank you. I will tell the band that you wish to make a request.”

Then he said loudly, “The Princess Victoria is going to ask the band to play something of her choice. Now, my dear.”

I stood up and said very loudly and clearly, “Please play ‘God Save the King.' ”

People clapped. Everyone was smiling. I heard someone whisper, “She is a little diplomat already.” And I wondered what they meant.

And then the band was playing and everyone except the King stood up; and I felt very pleased and wondered whether Mama would say I had made the right choice.

The King evidently thought so for he suddenly took my hand and pressed it in a way to imply that we were very good friends indeed.

The next day there was a visit to the zoo which the King had established at Sandpit Gate.

It was a very exciting day and one of the reasons why it was so enjoyable was that Mama did not come. She had not been invited to join the party and I fancied that the King knew I should be glad to escape from her critical eyes. I was very perceptive in some ways and I had quickly gathered that although he liked me—and Feodore perhaps even more— he disliked Mama and he was of such a nature—as were all his brothers— to let her know it if the opportunity arose.