Виктория Холт - Snare of Serpents

Then your father asked me to marry him. I couldn’t believe my luck. I would leave the old life behind me. It was the chance of a lifetime. I could be comfortable for the rest of my days, the darling of a doting old man. It seemed too good to be true.

I was more contented than I ever hoped to be. I had forgotten Hamish. I would have a secure home and a promise of comfort for the rest of my life. I would be the mistress of the house. But Hamish was still the coachman.

He was dissatisfied. Whose idea had it been? And who was getting everything out of it while he was getting nothing? Then he had a plan. He wanted to marry me … and be master of the house. I was horrified at what this implied. I was fond of my new life, fond of my husband, fond of my new stepdaughter. I liked it all. But Hamish wouldn’t have it. He had started it and he was going to see it carried through as he wanted it.

You can guess the rest. I was weak. Hamish still had some power over me. I knew what was in his mind. I should have exposed him. I should have confessed to my relationship with him. Oh, there were lots of things I should have done!

Davina, you don’t know what the comfort of that house meant to me … the easy way of life and all that. No one could understand unless they had been through what I had. I am not making excuses. There are no excuses. It just seemed that I had started on this and I had no choice but to go on.

Hamish had planned it. We would get rid of the old man. I would mourn for a year. Hamish would comfort me. I would, after a respectable period, marry him. I would, of course, have to make sure that the old man’s fortune was left to me. We wouldn’t want to stay in Edinburgh. People would raise their eyebrows when the ex-governess married the coachman. We’d sell the house and go abroad. He had it all worked out.

Ellen Farley—that’s not her real name, of course—was a friend of Hamish. He recommended her to your father and he brought her into the house. He thought it would be a good idea to have one of the servants working with us.

Well, he bought the arsenic for the rats. There were some near the mews so he made sure others had seen them and it was the fact that they were there which gave him the idea to do it that way. Hamish said he knew something about arsenic. Hamish said he knew something about everything.

His idea was to poison your father slowly. He thought through the port wine.

Then there was all that fuss about you and Jamie and the whole house knew that your father had threatened to disinherit you. We knew too that he had chosen Alastair McCrae for you. If you had married Alastair McCrae you wouldn’t have come into Hamish’s plan, but you didn’t and Hamish wanted to have a way out, as he called it, if things shouldn’t turn out as he planned. Just like Roger Lestrange, he thought it would be a good idea to have a scapegoat … if anything should go wrong. I suppose these calculating murderers think alike. And like Roger Lestrange, he laid the snare to entrap you … to have someone at hand in case he should need to shift the blame to someone else. He set you up to be that scapegoat because Fate had given him a reason —your father’s objection to the young man you wanted to marry.

Hamish arranged for you to buy the poison. Ellen was to ask you to. Please believe me when I say I did not know of this at the time. Hamish did not tell me. He thought me squeamish—soft and sentimental—and he knew I was getting fond of you. Do you remember the night I was late back? I was with Hamish. We went to a place outside Edinburgh. It’s true we were lovers then. I know how dreadful it must sound … and it is no use my offering excuses because there really aren’t any. Hamish was anxious not to be caught because that would have spoilt the whole plan … so we always went some little way out of the town.

Do you remember that inquisitive old woman who came to the house? It was when we were late back and made that excuse about the carriage breaking down. She was going to tell your father that she had seen the carriage outside that rather disreputable hotel. She had even waited and seen us come out together. She was going to tell your father. That was when Hamish decided it would have to be done that night.

Ellen took fright at her part in it and made her excuses to get away.

Then it happened. Your father died.

It hadn’t worked out as Hamish planned. First I want to tell you that I did not know that Ellen had asked you to buy the arsenic. Hamish had not told me that. I suppose I must not make excuses for myself. I was in the plot. I played my part in it. I am guilty of murder. But I would not have used you. And when you were on trial I suffered … I really did. You might ask why did I not then confess to everything? I hadn’t the courage for that. I want to say that I was dominated by Hamish … but I am not sure of that either. I felt I was caught up in it and there was no way out for me but to do exactly what I did. You see, Hamish really thought we should get away with it. He did not plan that you should be accused. You were only there in case things turned against us. He didn’t want to take chances. He really thought we’d get away with it. Your father had already had one or two attacks. The doctor had seen him and not suspected. At the back of Hamish’s mind was the thought that he was so clever that everything must go as he had planned.

Well, you know what happened. You were arrested and charged with murder. It was terrible for you. But please believe me when I tell you it was terrible for me, too. I wanted to tell everything … confess. Hamish threatened me. He was in a rare panic. All his swagger deserted him then. We were all in a state of terror.

What hurt me most was what they were doing to you. I really thought your father’s death would be accepted as natural. I couldn’t sleep. I had to do something.

In the shed near the stables I found a little of the arsenic which Hamish had bought. Just a few grains still on the paper it had been wrapped in. Hamish hadn’t bothered to get rid of it because he had a perfect alibi about the rats. I had this idea then. I knew arsenic had certain powers. I remembered a man I had known in my Jolly Red Heads days who had taken it. He had told me he took it to make him feel younger.

I took the paper. I put the grains into another piece and I said I had found it in the drawer and that your father had confessed to me that he had once taken arsenic acquired on the Continent.

I provided the doubt. I knew I should never have had another moment’s peace as long as I lived if you had been condemned as a murderess.

When I heard that verdict I was furious. I had wanted you free of all doubt. I’ve wanted to make up to you ever since. I wanted to put it all behind us and start again. And those idiots had made it Not Proven.

But you were free. I could rejoice in that. I wanted you free but I did not realise that you would have to go through life under that shadow of doubt.

I was wicked. I agreed to the plan. It is no use my saying I was under Hamish’s spell, that I suffered from an unhappy youth. I am guilty and I shall never forgive myself.

I don’t enjoy what I have gained. There is not a great deal left of your father’s fortune which seemed such riches to me in the beginning. Hamish had a large part of it … and kept wanting more. It set him up in the business which finally brought him to his end … I was blackmailed all the time. I would not marry him. I think he realised that that might have been dangerous. The murder of your father was Not Proven; there might be some who wanted to discover the truth. He ceased to press for that but he wanted the lion’s share of the spoils.

Then there was Ellen. She used to come back regularly claiming her dues. Ellen is not a bad sort, though. She, too, has found life hard. She is planning to go abroad. I told her of that place which helped you and Lilias Milne. But she wanted a little behind her before she went. She made her regular demands and I think she may well be on her way to Australia or New Zealand. I think she learned a lesson. She was a frightened woman … always afraid that someone would find her. Hamish should never have brought her into it. She was almost as upset as I was every time she came to make her claim. She wasn’t a natural criminal … no more than I think I am. Impulsive we both were … trying hard to get a place in the sun … not realising how much we should have to pay for it.