Виктория Холт - It began in Vauxhall Gardens

She smiled slowly. "Then you really love me, Fermor?"

He took her face in his hands and kissed it—not in the way she expected him to kiss, but tenderly as he had done once or twice in the past.

'Melisande ... Melisande ... why did this happen? How did this happen ? Why did you run away ? I searched everywhere. I was frantic. I was still searching ... all these months. At least through this I have found you."

"We found each other too late, Fermor. If we had known what would happen, perhaps we should have arranged our lives differently in the beginning. But why talk of that now? I am glad you came. I shall always remember it. When I am on the platform ... and the people are round me watching me ... when my last moments are upon me I shall say: 'He came to me in the end. He cared enough for that... .' "

He shook her. "For Heaven's sake, stop! It shall never get to that. You are going to be free."

"It cannot be. I am guilty. I am a murderess. ... I thought I was when I saw Caroline carried away, but then I saw her in the Park and I knew that I was not. I did not know then that very soon I should be ..."

"Don't!" he commanded. "You're hysterical. Now they won't give us long. I want to know everything. Then I shall send the best possible lawyer to you. I am going to get you out of this."

"But how can you?"

"Money can do a good deal."

"But not that ... not that."

"I shall spend everything I have on this if need be. And then ... I shall find means of getting more."

"Oh Fermor," she said, "you were the best one. I didn't see it. You laughed at goodness, at virtue. You were the wicked one, I thought; but now I am not so sure."

"There's no time for such talk. Suffice it that I have found you, and now there'll be no more running away. I am going to get you out of this. I will. I swear it. Nothing shall stop me."

"Fermor, you make me wish ... you make me want to live ... and I was reconciled to dying."

"I won't have you speak such nonsense. You're not going to die. It was in self-defence. That's all you have to say. He was threatening you with the pistol and it went off. That is what you must say."

"But it was not so, Fermor. It is something of which I cannot tell you. I killed him. Deliberately I raised the pistol which I had taken from my employer's drawer. I lifted it and killed him because ... because I wanted him to die."

"He had threatened you. He had threatened to kill you. It was self-defence."

"No, Fermor. No!"

"Listen, Melisande. There will be a trial. Everything that can be done, shall be done. There are ways—have no doubt of that—and I shall find them."

"Fermor," she said, "why? It is better that I should be here. What good is there in life?"

"This is madness! What good? You will be with me—that is the good which will come out of this, and I shall not be searching for you ceaselessly."

"And Caroline ... your wife?"

"She is grieved. She blames herself in some way."

"She ... she blames herself! How does she know? What does she know?"

"She knows what she reads in the papers."

"It is in the papers then?"

"People are talking about the mysterious shooting in Hyde Park. They are all saying that he was your lover, that he had promised you marriage and jilted you."

She laughed.

"Was it so? Was it so?"

"I can answer that. It was not so."

"What was it, Melisande? Tell me, darling. I must know the truth. We must know everything. We must be prepared for cross-examination. But do not be afraid. We will have the best men on our side. Everything that I can do shall be done, and, believe me, I can do a good deal. I have friends who will move Heaven and Earth. Melisande, do not be afraid. Tell me everything. I tell you, I can get you out of this. I can save you."

She said: "There is so much I want to know. I did not think I cared, but I do. Caroline ... is she very ill?"

"She was badly hurt. She walks with difficulty."

"Ah ... I did that."

"Nonsense! She did it herself."

"And you, Fermor... you and Caroline ? How is life between you ?"

"How can it be anything than what it is ... what it always has been."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry for others. Be sorry for yourself. You are in a terrible position, my darling. That is why you must be sensible ... reasonable. We need all our wits if we are to bring this off. We'll do it, never fear. But it is not easy. We have to work at it with ail our might and strength, with every means at our disposal."

"You are so strong," she said.

"And here to defend you ... to make up for everything ... to show you that I will always be there whenever you want me. Don't be afraid, Melisande. But you must be sensible ... reasonable."

"Reasonable ... sensible! They are always telling me that. It is because I am so unreasonable ... so far from sensible that things like this happen to me."

"Now listen, my darling. You've been through an ordeal. At any moment now that door will open and you will be taken back to your cell. I am arranging that you shall have a cell to yourself. I am arranging everything in future. But now, for Heaven's sake, let us waste no more time. We must have our story ready ... and it has to be fool-proof."

She was laughing again with that wild laughter which was near to tears.

"Oh, Fermor," she said, "you are not good, are you. You would cheat your wife ... you would cheat justice, and yet ... I wish I could live ... if it could be with you."

"Don't laugh like that. Of course you're going to live. I shall send our man along to you and he will tell you what you must say ... how to conduct yourself. Melisande, you will need all your calm, all your wits; and when you are being questioned by our enemies, you must remember that I am waiting. I shall be there. I shall be where you can see me, and when you look at me, my darling, you will know that I am waiting."

"Oh Fermor!" she said; and quite suddenly she began to weep, for life had ceased to be intolerable and she did not want to die.

Now she saw what she could have done. She could have left the pistol in the house; she could have gone to Fermor; she could have told him of her fears; and then she would not be here now.

She just lay in his arms, unable to speak, unable to think, unable' to do anything but weep for the pity of it; and as she wept, the warder came to tell Fermor that he must go.

Andrew Beddoes came to see her.

She was surprised that he should come. He looked neat and just as she remembered him; and yet that anxious expression was something she had never seen before.

He had married, he told her; he had made an excellent match; but he did not forget her. He had come to tell her that he was ready to take on her defence.

"But why?" she asked. "Why should you do that?"

"Because I wish to do something for you. I have thought of you continually since I last saw you. And now that this has happened, I want to offer you my services."

She held out her hand to him.

"I misjudged you," she said. "I have made so many mistakes. But you must not make one now. You can do nothing for me. I am guilty. I killed this man and I shall have to take the consequences of my act."

"If you did it in self-defence there would be a term of imprisonment, but your youth ... your beauty, would, I am sure, make a good impression on the judge and jury. Nobody could believe you guilty of a wanton crime. Believe me, we can hope for leniency. We can have the public with us. You'll be surprised what public support can do. Don't be afraid. We'll work this out together."

"I shall never forget that you came. I hope you will forgive the harsh things I said to you."

"There is nothing to forgive. Your ideals were higher than mine."

"I was so ignorant. I thought men and women were divided into sheep and wolves. I can see now that they are not. What a pity I had to learn such a little thing in such a violent way. But perhaps not. I shall pay for my knowledge with my life. But there will be no more trials, no more lessons of life to learn."