Jess Haines - Forsaken By the Others

I put my hand on his cheek, the tips of my fingers playing along his smooth skin as I studied his features. There were tiny creases like half-formed laugh lines around his eyes and mouth. His lips were thin but pliant under my caressing thumb. The tension in his jaw gradually eased under my touch, the muscles no longer visibly bunching up around his cheekbones and the line of his jaw.

It took me a little time to figure out how I wanted to express my thoughts without making myself sound like a suicidal lunatic.

“I’m not deliberately putting myself at risk this time because I have a death wish—I’m doing it because I need to prove to myself that I still have the capacity to do great good, not just great evil. There’s no way to undo the pain and suffering and death I was responsible for, but repaying Analie’s kindness and doing something to make her happy is a step in the right direction for me.” I gave Royce a significant look. “I value my freedom and humanity. I need to do something to remind myself what those things are worth, and to earn them back.”

My turning the vampire’s own words back on him gave him pause. Though I could tell he was not entirely happy with the idea, he didn’t seem up to fighting me over my choice anymore. He leaned in to press a kiss to my brow, his own words so soft that I caught some of the others in the kitchen leaning forward to listen in out of the corner of my eye.

“If there is one thing I have learned over my many centuries of life, it is that humans most often cause their own downfall by only seeing what their lives should have been, rather than shaping their lives into what they wish them to be. Your desire to be a better person is admirable, but I wish that you would have found some other task to start with.”

“Yeah, well, when have I ever taken the easy road?”

Sara snorted. I gave her a look.

Royce breathed a sound that might have been a sigh or a growl, then urged me to stand. “As you wish. Analie, write your letter and prepare your package.” He had to talk over her squeals of glee as he continued. “Ms. Waynest, Ms. Halloway, I need you to prepare your things. I’ve arranged for someone to drive you to a private airfield. My pilot will take you to California. You two will remain with Clyde Seabreeze while I make better arrangements for your security and safety upon your return to New York.”

“And how long will we be gone?” Sara asked. The tone of her voice drew my attention back to her. She was hiding her anxiety well to anyone who didn’t know her as well as I did, but she was twining a loop of her hair around her finger over and over. A sure sign she was worried about something.

Royce shook his head. “I can’t be certain. Only as long as it takes for me to be sure you will both be safe and able to return to your loved ones. A month or two at best. Perhaps as long as a year.”

That gave me a twinge. Worse, Sara paled, her already china-doll complexion going waxen. It occurred to me belatedly that I wasn’t the only one who would be leaving behind people who were important to me.

While I would not be able to see my parents or brothers, Royce, or any of my other friends, Sara would have to leave behind her sister and her boyfriend, Arnold. Not seeing our friends and family for that long wasn’t going to be easy, but the alternatives were to endanger all of Royce’s people, jail, or death by rabid werewolves or White Hats.

Staying with Clyde wasn’t appealing, but I’d take staying with the other vampire over dying any day.

Royce sent me with Sara to collect what remained of our things in the room we had briefly shared before I went on my rampage. Sara had already packed away most of her stuff before she went to stay with Royce’s ex-honey, the model and closet elf, Dawn Hartley. Her dogs were still with the elf, who had kindly offered to care for them until Sara returned to claim them.

Dawn was awfully chummy with Royce, considering they were no longer an item. Though I often did my best not to think about Others who didn’t show any personal interest in me or butt their way into my life, I had to wonder what she had to gain that she would so easily accept Sara into her home.

Not that Sara had suffered for it. She looked great. Better than great. Healthier than I had ever seen her.

And she was pointedly avoiding looking at me as she helped me stuff some things into the duffel bag I had brought with me weeks ago. I hadn’t had time to unpack before I went postal, so there was little for me to collect and put in the bag but some toiletries, the Rolodex I had left on the counter, and some clothing I vaguely recalled leaving in a pile on the bathroom floor that was now neatly folded in a stack on the bed.

“I’m sorry,” I said, once the last piece of clothing was shoved into the bag. “I didn’t think things would turn out like this.”

Sara finally looked at me, her icy blue eyes having taken on the chill look she usually reserved for deadbeat clients. “That’s the problem, Shia. You never think things through. You don’t consider the consequences of your actions.”

That stung. Mostly because she was right.

“We’re supposed to be partners. You could have consulted with me before you ran off. What am I supposed to tell Arnold? Who’s going to check on Janine? You know how unstable she is. . . .”

Sara’s younger sister was a neurotic wreck. She would probably pitch a fit because Sara was leaving, but Janine was perfectly capable of taking care of herself. Even though I knew Sara was just bringing up Janine to make me feel even worse than I already did, I couldn’t hold it against her. This whole mess was my fault, start to finish, and Sara was the one paying the price for my foolish decisions and behavior.

Grimacing, I rubbed the back of my neck and looked away, not wanting to face her while I spoke. “I don’t have an easy answer for you. If you want, I’ll make the calls and give them the news. We can’t take Arnold with us—if Royce wouldn’t let him visit you here, I can’t imagine Clyde would be any different—and Janine is probably safer not knowing where we’re going. Maybe we can tell her we have an important case taking us out of town or something. It’s close enough to the truth that she won’t question it and won’t make demands about visiting or following us, either.”

My offer to be the one to break the news mellowed Sara out somewhat. She considered the offer, looking down at her hands as she toyed with the buttons on the cuffs of her long-sleeved shirt. When she answered, her voice had lost its brittle edge, replaced by resignation.

“Fine. Do it. Call Arnold first; explaining to him will take less time.”

I nodded, zipping up my duffel and making my way out of the bedroom, Sara following close behind. Analie was waiting for me in the living room, her package already ready for me. Sara scooted past me to plop down on the couch, and I set the duffel bag down next to the door, accepting the small box Analie held out to me.

She shifted her weight from foot to foot, her eyes wide and imploring. “I wrote the address on the box. I’ll call ahead so Gavin knows you’re coming, but make sure you don’t have any vampires with you when you go, okay? He‘s—we’re—Goliaths, I mean—we’re usually very careful never to have anything to do with vamps. Ever. As long as it’s just you, and maybe Sara, too, you should be fine.”

That sounded ominous. I wasn’t the biggest fan of vampires either, but showing up alone at the home of a member of a rival Were pack wouldn’t be the brightest idea. Maybe I could just leave the package on Gavin’s doorstep and hightail it.

“Can you give him a hug for me, too? And Jo-Jo? Please?”