Tahereh Mafi - Fracture Me

“Okay,” I sigh. “Of course. What do we have to do?”

After breakfast, which was actually closer to lunch, I tend to Brendan and Winston for a bit, and set them up on the floor so they can get some proper rest. James and I had collected a decent stash of ratty blankets and pillows over the years, so there’s just enough to go around, and thank God for that, because it’s cold as hell. We even wrapped a blanket around Castle’s shoulders. He’s still barely moving, but we forced him to eat, so at least he’s got a little color in his cheeks now.

With Brendan and Winston settled, Ian and Alia and Lily fed and comfortable, James safe and sound, and Castle resting, Kenji and I are finally ready to initiate some new plans.

“I’m going to go out,” Kenji says. “Get on base and get nosy. Listen for rumors and whispers of what’s going on—maybe even find Juliette, give her a heads-up that we’re coming for her soon.”

I nod. “That’s a great start.”

“Once I know more about what’s going on, we can make a firm plan, scoop her up, and bring her home.”

“So as soon as she’s back,” I say, “we’ll have to move again.”

“Probably, yeah.”

I nod a few times. “Okay. All right.” I swallow hard. “I’ll wait here until you get back.”

“Sounds good.” Kenji grins, and then he’s gone. Disappeared. The front door is yanked open and yanked closed, and I’m staring at the wall and trying not to freak out too much about what’s going to happen next.

Another mission. Which means another chance to screw everything up and get ourselves killed. And then, if we’re successful, we’re rewarded with more running, more instability, more chaos.

I close my eyes.

I love Juliette. I really do. I want to help her and support her and be there for her. I want us to have a future together. But sometimes I wonder if it’s ever going to happen.

This isn’t easy to admit, but part of me doesn’t want to put James at risk again—on the run again—for a girl who broke up with me. A girl who walked away from us.

I don’t know what the right thing is anymore.

I don’t know if my allegiance is to James or Juliette.

Kenji is back after only a couple of hours. His face ashen, his hands trembling. He’s breathing hard and his eyes are unfocused and he sits down on the couch without a word and I’m already panicking.

“What happened?” I ask.

“What’s going on?” Lily says.

“You okay, bro?” This from Ian.

We pepper him with questions and he doesn’t answer. He stares, unblinking, a replica of Castle, who’s sitting in a chair across from him.

Finally, after a long moment of silence, he speaks.

Three words.

“Juliette is dead.”

Chaos.

Questions are flying and screams are muffled and everyone is shocked, horrified, freaking out.

I’m stunned.

My brain feels paralyzed, unwilling to process or digest this information. Why? I want to ask. How? How? How is it possible?

But I can’t speak. I’m frozen in horror. Grief.

“It wasn’t Warner who came after her,” Kenji is saying, tears falling fast down his face. “It was Anderson. Those were Anderson’s men. They made the announcement just a couple hours ago,” he says, choking on the words. “They said they bombed Omega Point, captured Juliette, and killed her just this morning. The supreme has already headed back to the capital.”

“No,” I gasp.

“We should’ve gone after her,” Kenji is saying. “I should’ve stayed behind—I should’ve tried to find her—it’s my fault,” he says, hands in his hair, fighting back tears. “It’s my fault she’s dead. I should’ve gone after her—”

“It’s not your fault,” Ian says to him, rushing over and grabbing his arms. “Don’t you dare put that on yourself.”

“We lost a lot of people,” Lily says. “People dear to us that we couldn’t save. This is not your fault. I promise. We did our best.”

Everyone is consoling Kenji now, trying to reassure him that there’s no guilt necessary. No person to blame for all this.

But I can’t agree.

I trip backward until I hit the wall, leaning against it for support. I know who to blame. I know where the fault lies.

Juliette is dead because of me.