S. Yule - Lycan Christmas

“I can’t continue these lessons, Lorent. I’ll talk to Rose and tell her . . .”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ll tell her something. You’ve been nothing but kind to me, and I’ll make sure she knows that. Thank you for what you’ve taught me.”

She turned to go, but when she reached for the door, a warm hand came down on her shoulder.

Lorent nuzzled her hair and took a deep breath as if trying to get her scent deep into his lungs. She almost turned around, flung her arms around him, and begged him to forget everything she’d said, that nothing mattered as long as he never stopped touching her again, but she couldn’t. She had to stand firm for her own good, for the good of their future . . . for Lorent.

“Please don’t go,” he pleaded.

She choked out an “I’m sorry” before hurrying out the door and away from the man she’d fallen in love with.

She stopped by Rose’s on her way home in hopes to talk to her about what had happened, but didn’t get to discuss anything in detail since Knox had shown up halfway through their conversation. After a halfhearted attempt at eating a spaghetti dinner they’d invited her to stay and share with them, Knox walked her back to her cabin as the sun sank from the sky.

Puss greeted her when she got home, and she scooped the cat up, hugged her, and nuzzled her nose against the soft fur of her neck.

“I don’t know if I’m going to get through to him, Puss.” Melony felt the tears building again and choked back a sob.

She let Puss down after deciding to do a load of laundry and to give her place a good scrubbing. The place wasn’t all that dirty, but she needed something to occupy her mind. She scrubbed every nook and cranny, found every tiny cobweb, and several hours and a sparkling home later, she stepped under the hot spray of the shower. She was exhausted both mentally and physically. While she still felt she’d made the right decision about Lorent, her heart argued the point.

After the shower, she sank into bed and burrowed under the covers, where she fell asleep almost instantly with Puss curled up next to her, purring contentedly.

She stared at Lorent, torn between the urge to run away and the need to fling herself into his arms. She hadn’t been all that surprised when he’d shown up in her dreams yet again since it had become a normal, nearly nightly occurrence.

“Melony.” His voice was low, gravelly, etched with longing and a hint of . . . pain?

“Go away, Lorent. I can’t bear being with you in my dreams when I can’t be with you in real life.” If she wasn’t so sad, she’d find it amusing that she was once again arguing with her own subconscious.

When hurt flashed in his eyes, she nearly caved and apologized. She couldn’t stand the thought of him hurting, especially when she’d caused it.

He sat on a boulder and patted the space next to him. “Come. Sit by me. Give me a few moments of your time. After that, if you still want me to leave, I will, and I will never bother you again.”

She looked around, just now noticing that they were once again in Lorent’s secret place in the forest. There was no snow on the ground this time, but the trees were leafless, and the shrubs were bare. Undecided on what she should do, she sighed and went to him. When she sat down beside him, he reached for her and took her hand. His fingers more than spanned the width of her small palm, and she fought hard not to moan at how good his touch felt.

“What do you want?” She watched him expectantly as his apparent inner struggle played over his features. She wanted to smooth the frown lines from his face, but forced herself to remain still as she waited for his response.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I did horrible things while I was a rogue, Melony. I witnessed so many terrible things, and never did anything to stop any of it. I was never aware until I came to Sanctuary that intended mates had two scents, hadn’t understood that all the women marked with the main scent were destined specifically for one of our males. I was brought up to believe that any woman with the main scent was fair game for any of us.”

She nodded silently, encouraging him to continue.

“It never felt right to me, and I swear to you that I never hurt a destined mate, or anyone else, for that matter. I learned to keep to myself, had to, or risk being abused or killed. The one time I tried to help a woman being tormented by some of the rogues I was running with at the time, I was beaten so badly I nearly died. Beating a lycan to death is no easy chore, and I learned quickly to keep my mouth shut after that.”

“Oh, Lorent.” She tried to reach for him, but he stopped her.

“No. Let me finish,” he pleaded, and she nodded. “I saw so many women hurt in so many ways. It makes me sick to think of all of our males who will never know their mate, disgusts me to know that I might have been able to save even one of them if I had tried harder. After a few years, I became a master at blocking everything out around me, shutting down and pretending I didn’t see what was going on.

“I became lonely. I tried to ignore it at first, block it out like I did everything else, but the need to feel loved, to have someone who cared about me even a tiny bit became overwhelming. That’s when I tried to take Rose. She had the main scent, and I thought I had a right to her. I was wrong, and that’s when my life changed. Knox gave me two choices: Sanctuary or death.”

Melony squeezed his hand and fought the urge to cry. She wanted to be strong for him, but the horrors he’d told her of his life made her heart hurt for him. He hadn’t known any better. He’d been a kid led astray by all the wrong people, but when worse came to worst, he’d made the right decision. He’d come to Sanctuary, realized, and had learned from his past mistakes and become an honorable, trustworthy man.

“I’ve never told anyone about my past, and I don’t know if I can ever give you any specific details about it because I don’t want to remember it that well. I hope what I’ve told you is good enough because I really can’t imagine losing you. Remember when I said I’d always keep you safe? Protect you with my life?”

“Yes.”

“I meant it, every word of it. I will never let anything happen to you as long as I have a single breath left in my body. I’m not good with expressing emotions, not sure I even understand some of the ones I have when I’m near you, but you mean everything to me. If I have to spend the rest of my life without you, it will be a dark, gloomy existence for my soul because you are like the sun to me. I’m drawn to your warmth, the awing beauty of your glow, and ability to encourage growth and understanding.”

“Oh, Lorent!”

“I can’t tell you I love you, Melony. I don’t know what love feels like, and that’s one thing I want to be sure of before I say it. I can only promise to try to make you happy and spend the rest of my life cherishing you. I won’t lie, though. The intense need I feel to make love to you, claim you is overwhelming for me at times. I will always try to be gentle with you, but the predator in me craves dominance.”

Her body heated, and she leaned toward him and kissed the shallow cleft in his chin.

He shook his head when she tried to move to his lips next. “I want you to think about what I’ve told you, understand exactly what I’ve done in my past. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, to accept me and what I am offering, I would be the happiest man on Earth. But, Melony?”