Vivi Andrews - Jaguar's Kiss

So Lila was tracking her.

She prowled through the main compound, visiting all Patch’s old haunts, but the cougar was nowhere to be seen, the buildings crowded with the pride’s bulging population. It wasn’t until Lila started north on the same path she and Patch had taken after the All Pride meeting that she caught the first hint of a scent trail. She followed it, her steps moving faster as it grew stronger until she was jogging as it veered into the forest.

She found Patch up in a tree, her sleek cougar form draped over a sturdy branch. Her tail twitched, but she made no move to come down, not even opening her eyes at Lila’s approach.

Lila had never been much of a climber, and even if she had been, she needed to talk, which they couldn’t do if she shifted and climbed up there after Patch. So she stood below and tipped her head up.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” she accused lightly. “I realize you probably want to get away from all the activity at the pride, and I know I’m a high maintenance pain in the ass, but you’re stuck with me so you might as well come down and talk to me. I’m not going anywhere.”

The cougar opened her eyes at that, blinking sleepily, but still not moving.

“Patch? You okay?” Lila called up.

Patch shifted at that, reaching behind her to where she’d tucked her clothes into a crook of the tree. Lila brushed off a fallen log and perched on it as Patch dressed and dropped out of the tree to land nimbly at her side. “I thought you and Roman had a date this afternoon.”

“He cancelled,” Lila said. She shouldn’t have been relieved when she didn’t have to spend an hour with her fiancé, but she had been. “Seemed like the perfect opportunity to track you down. I’ve missed you, Patricia Marie.”

Patch sighed heavily. “Lila, we should talk.”

“My thoughts exactly. You look exhausted. Your heat wearing you out?” Lila knew from experience that the shots to prevent conception did nothing to control the cravings. The hormones could make it impossible to sleep, the restlessness clawing through her body all night.

“You could say that.” Patch sat on the ground at Lila’s feet. “Lila, about Roman… I know you said I could have at him, but would you hate me if I…if we…”

Lila blinked, startled. “Are you guys hooking up?” Roman hadn’t said a word. Though they weren’t exactly on comfortable speaking terms.

Patch blushed.

“Is it serious?” She felt another surge of relief-guilt at the idea that she might not have to marry Roman after all.

“No. It’s just a fling. Sowing wild oats, like you said.” Patch groaned and flopped onto the ground. “This officially makes me the worst friend ever, doesn’t it? I’m getting it on with your fiancé. That is so wrong.”

“If it were a normal marriage, I’m sure I’d claw your eyes out, but you know how it is.” She studied Patch. Did her best friend have feelings for Roman? Was it more than just a fling? “Are you going to be okay with it if I go ahead with the wedding?”

Patch’s head snapped up at that. “ If ?”

“Santiago asked me why I was marrying Roman and I didn’t know. It’s one of those questions I’ve never really let myself think about. Because it’s what I’ve always expected I would do. But I can’t seem to figure out if it’s what I want to do anymore. For the good of the pride, I guess.” Lila drew a circle in the dirt with one toe. “Do you think it really makes a difference to the pride if I marry Roman?”

Patch was silent for a long moment. Lila wanted her to say no. To say there would be no consequences if she just ran off and did whatever the hell she wanted with no thought to the pride, for a change. Really, would the pride fall apart if she and Roman didn’t get married?

“I don’t know,” Patch finally answered, the words pulled from her slowly. “People are worried. The question of whether we might come out to the humans, the risk of being abducted by fucking scientists—it makes the traditions more important. The Alpha needs a lioness mate, and if you and Roman are already in place as the logical successors, that means no power void if anything happens to your father. Which means no dominance challenges and fighting within the pride. No factions. No bloodshed.”

“But if I walk away…”

“It throws Roman’s position as successor into question. Someone might challenge him when your father steps down. Or see it as a weakness in the power structure and challenge your father for dominance right away. He’s strong, but he’s not as young as he once was. There are a lot of new nomads coming in. Some of them are lions who might be ambitious enough to think they can take over the pride.”

“So not total Armageddon, just the chance that some strange lion might try to assassinate my father. Right.” Sometimes it sucked that Patch was always honest with her. She really would have liked a lie.

“Sorry.”

“Yeah.” Lila tipped her face up and looked at the pine boughs overlapping above her. The view reminded her of Santiago’s house. “Are you happy, Patch?”

“What?”

“Are you happy? Santiago asked me that and I just went blank. I feel like I used to be happy. We had fun, didn’t we? Before everything was about mates and alliances and the good of the pride.”

“Yeah, we always had fun.”

“My life isn’t full of fun anymore. Maybe it’s unreasonable to expect that it would be. Like when you grow up, that’s it, the fun’s over. But is that how it has to be? I feel like my life has been nothing but waiting for the last year. The perpetual holding pattern. And no one to blame but myself. I chose this. I’m the one who sits around in suspended animation, waiting for my life to begin rather than going out and getting it. Rather than looking at what I really want.”

“It’s starting now,” Patch said. “You’re getting married.”

I don’t want to get married. She couldn’t make herself say it out loud. “Yeah.”

Lila came down off the log and stretched out beside Patch on the ground, not caring if it ruined her dress. Side by side, they stared up at the canopy in silence, shoulders brushing.

“I lied to Santiago,” Lila admitted softly. “I don’t even know why I did it.” Because it felt safer, probably, hiding the truth.

“What did you lie about?” Patch asked.

“He asked me if I remembered the day we met and I said no.”

Patch turned her head, frowning. “That must have been years ago.”

“It was. We were playing football and I made him and Mateo join us. Remember?”

“Not really, but it sounds like something you would do.”

Lila remembered that day with crystalline clarity. How she’d been aware of his gaze the second it had touched her. How she’d played harder and laughed louder with him watching. How she’d used the flimsy excuse of two shifters leaving their make-shift game to cajole him into joining them. The way his eyes had laughed into hers across the line of scrimmage even though his mouth had stayed serious. And that moment, that unforgettable moment when he’d lifted her off her feet and taken them both to the ground and suddenly it hadn’t been play anymore.

In that instant she’d felt the weight of something else, his intent, no longer playful, a line no one else had ever dared cross with her being breached. With him, for the first time, flirtation hadn’t been a game. It had been foreplay.

And that scared the shit out of her. Because she couldn’t let herself want him. Not then. Not now. Not ever.

“Silly thing to lie about,” she mumbled.

“I wouldn’t worry about it,” Patch said idly. “He’ll be gone soon anyway.”

Lila’s head snapped to the side. “What did you say?”