Карен Монинг - Burned

I thought I’d made peace with her part in my sister’s death. But it’s one thing to sit in my bookstore, telling myself I can forgive her, entirely another to look her in the face, feel that forgiveness in my heart and communicate it to my arm — as the night we met for the first time since I learned the truth had proven.

I’d lashed out. Barely managed to pull back. I’m just grateful I didn’t black out and lose complete control. I wonder why I didn’t, what was different about the night I drew my spear on Dani and this afternoon when I drew on the Gray Woman.

“Alina, Alina, Alina,” I whisper.

Sometimes I say her name in litany as if mere repetition might have the power to resurrect her from the dead. What no one tells you is that when someone you love dies, you lose them twice. Once to death, the second time to acceptance, and you don’t walk that long, dark passage between the two alone. Grief takes every shuffling, unwilling step with you, offering a seductive bouquet of memories that can only blossom south of sanity. You can stay there, nose buried in the petals of the past. But you’re never really alive again. Spend enough time with ghosts, you become one.

Still, I long for a summer day on the sand in Faery, a Corona in my hand with lime pulp dripping down the sides, near a volleyball net, even if only with the illusion of Alina.

Make it so , my hitchhiker purrs. We can .

“Been there, done that temptation,” I mutter. “Get a fresh idea. The answer is still no.”

The bell suddenly flies off the top of the front door in an explosion of hardware and screeching metal, shoots straight up in the air then crashes to the floor, where it gives a final, defiant tinkle.

I glance from it to the open door that used to be locked, startled and offended. I loved that bell. “You could have knocked,” I say irritably to Ryodan, who’s standing in the entrance. “I would have unlocked it.”

“I assume you have the spear,” he says.

“Of course I do.” I hadn’t breathed easy until Barrons handed it back to me when our meeting ended.

He jerks his head toward the door. “We’ve got problems. At Chester’s. Now.”

I’m not about to head off with the incessantly scrutinizing owner of Chester’s only to have my dark parade fall into step behind us, and get slapped on a slide beneath a microscope again. The meeting tonight was bad enough. “You told me I could never enter your club armed, and I’m not responsible for your—”

“Cut the bullshit. The rules have changed. I don’t care how many Unseelie follow you. I don’t even care why. You get a free pass tonight. Move. Now.”

I bristle. I don’t take orders from anyone but Barrons, and I don’t even do that well. I lean back against the counter and cross my arms. “Not until you tell me what’s going on.”

“We don’t have time for this.”

“I let you goad me into action once. We killed Barrons.” Another thing I find hard to forgive.

“It was necessary to save your ass. What wasn’t necessary was you waiting so long to obey me that you got me killed, too. Then you consorted with the enemy—”

And here we go. “Consorted? Really? What century do you and Barrons get stuck in sometimes? I did not have sex with Darroc. Furthermore, it’s none of your business who I have sex with.”

“As long as you’re fucking Barrons it is.”

Sarcastically, I retort, “I thought you killed each other’s women, not took an interest in their fidelity or lack thereof. Speaking of fidelity and lack thereof, just exactly what are you doing with Jo, Ryodan? What kind of screwed-up wolf ‘consorting’ with the lamb situation is that?”

He makes a sound of impatience. “She wants. I give.”

“I doubt it’s that simple for her. Last time I was in Chester’s—”

“Which was a month ago, and if you think that means I’m not aware you’ve become high priestess to the only caste of Unseelie that once attended the king in his private quarters, you’re wrong.”

That was what they were? How did he know that? Best way to stay out from under a microscope is to keep turning it around on the person trying to view you through it. “I watched the two of you together, and it’s obvious she’s in love with you—”

“She’s a grown woman and understands what she can and can’t have. I’ve never—”

“You just keep smashing through life, wrecking everyone else’s to satisfy your own desires, don’t you?”

“—misrepresented my intentions. You should talk. And there are reasons for what I do. Christ, woman, do you ever shut up.”

“If you’d start talking about things I want to hear I might.”

“You’re pissing me off.”

“You’d be surprised how easy it is for me to live with that.”

He assesses me and I see him contemplating tossing me over his shoulder and loping away.

“I wouldn’t if I were you. I’m a wild card, remember?”

He snorts. My threat rolls right off him. But I see in his eyes the moment he decides I’m on a bitching bent and not about to stop, that humoring me will take less time and ensure more efficient cooperation. “There’s an Unseelie in my office. With Lor.”

“So?”

“She’s a princess .”

I frown. “I thought the king didn’t make any.”

“You were wrong.”

“Well, what’s the problem? Throw her out.”

“He’s having sex with her. On my desk.”

“Little confused here. What do you want me to do? Pop by with a fresh pack of Handi Wipes to tidy up your desk when they’re through?”

“He’s chained. Lor doesn’t get chained. He chains.” He pauses and I can see how much his next words offend him. “There was a time no threats to us existed on this world. The Fae changed that. It appears she may have turned Lor Pri-ya.”

My jaw drops in disbelief. Lor is Pri-ya? The thought boggles the mind. “But Fae magic doesn’t work on … whatever kind of things you are.”

“He’s calling her ‘mistress.’ Obeying commands.”

“ Lor is calling a woman mistress?” The ultimate caveman caved? Never. This could actually be a problem.

I lean back against the counter, study my cuticles, pretending to look bored, wondering what he wants from me and what he’s willing to trade for it.

I want a favor owed from one of the Nine and have been trying to figure out how to get it for a while. Some things about me haven’t changed in the least: all weapons — good.

There are numerous things I can imagine I might want at some point in the future that one of the Nine could easily accomplish. For now I’ll take a blank check: one big, fat, juicy “I Owe Mac.” Ryodan might be ruthless and drive me batshit crazy for so many reasons I could write a book about it, but he honors his debts.

“You don’t want an Unseelie holding one of us Pri-ya. Besides, the bitch is in control of my office. Move. Now.”

I still can’t fathom what he wants from me. “Why don’t you just kill her?” It’s not like he can’t. I know for a fact Barrons killed a Seelie Princess once. I was in his head, watching it happen. He shut me out before I figured out how he’d done it, what weapon he’d used.

He looks beyond me for a moment then cuts a hard look back to my face. “Until we know whether she can turn one of us Pri-ya, we’re not getting close to her. None of my men saw through her glamour. Lor didn’t know what she was until it was too late. There may be more of them walking around in my club right now. I need someone who can see what they are and has one of the weapons that kills them.”

“Ask Dani. Doesn’t she work for you?” I fish. I want to know if Barrons told him what I did, if he’s hunting for her and how hard, if she’s back and hiding from me.