Sharon Green - The Warrior Challenged

“I do trust him,” I came back, trying not to sound as defensive as I felt, uncomfortably aware of Len’s gaze joining Garth’s. “I’ll tell him what we’ve been doing, as soon as I find the right time.”

“Terry, take your hand away from the band around your throat,” Len said with a sigh, his blue eyes filled with sadness. “I don’t even have to open my shield to know Garth’s right. You’ve been stroking and playing with the other four bands as if trying to memorize them against a time they’ll be gone, and now you’re holding the fifth band as if you had to defend it. You’re obviously afraid Tammad will unhand you if he finds out your abilities have increased, but I don’t understand why.”

I hadn’t realized I was holding the fifth band, and Len’s pointing it out was faintly embarrassing as well as upsetting. I dropped my hand to my lap, found that my fingers went immediately to a wrist band, and suddenly discovered I was losing all vestige of control.

“Why do you keep asking me these questions?” I flared at Len, then sent the same to Garth. “I have no idea what Tammad will do if he finds out about the increase, but I’m still afraid! Are you silly enough to think only untalented people hate and fear Primes? If you are you’re in for a shock, but I can’t handle the thought of a shock like that. I’m too much of a coward.”

I turned away from them to stretch out on my stomach on the carpet fur, hugging a pillow to me with all the strength of the agitation I felt. I did trust Tammad, as much as I loved him, but expecting the impossible from people only leads to horrible disappointment. Tammad had accepted more insanity on my behalf than almost anyone else would have found possible, but how much could he be expected to take? This new thing I was now able to do-would that be the final straw?

“Come on, Terry, it’s not all that bad,” Len said after something of a hesitation, and I knew he’d exchanged significant looks with Garth; I could hear the overheartiness in his voice even if I couldn’t reach his shielded mind. “We got used to the idea without any trouble.”

“And Len and I had reason to do just the opposite,” Garth quickly agreed, his tone urging belief even though his mind worried over what I’d said. “If it was all that bad, would we have helped you with your experimenting?”

“You helped me because you were feeling guilty,” I pointed out, staring at the bright, sunshiny windows. “Tammad punished me because of what you two told him, and it bothered you afterward that it took me as long as it did to stop crying. You volunteered to help because it made you feel better, and you stuck with it because you got curious. How would you like to run into that particular talent without it being a carefully controlled experiment? Do I hear any volunteers for that?”

All I heard at that point was a thick silence, which wasn’t particularly surprising. Still holding the pillow I turned around and sat up, then looked directly at my two lunch guests.

“Well?” I prompted, seeing how they couldn’t quite make eye contact with me. “You both had a taste of that talent before I got it under control and strengthened. Which of you great, big, strong, newly made l’lendaa wants to try it again?”

“Now, Terry,” Garth began in a soothing way, and, “Come on, Terry,” Len said with calm urging, both sets of eyes worried, and that really annoyed me.

“Now, Terry, come on, Terry,” I mimicked, letting them see how disgusted I felt. “Can’t you two find anything else to say? One of you is braced and just short of cringing, and the other refuses to drop the protection of his shield. You’re so unimpressed with my new abilities that you don’t even argue with me anymore. One frown and you both jump like frightened birds.”

“That’s not fair!” Len protested with heat while Garth colored in embarrassed resentment. “We weren’t arguing with you just for the fun of it! We were trying to make you see how Tammad really felt about you! Now that you know he loves you, what’s there to argue about?”

“If you’re trying to suggest we’re afraid of you, you’re wrong,” Garth growled, his anger glowing in his eyes, displacing the hesitancy his mind had trembled with. “Len and I might have a good deal of respect for your talent, but we’re not afraid of it-because we’ve learned to have the same amount of respect for you. What you did to us that day was an accident; we’ve learned you’re not into doing it on purpose just for the fun of it. Or at least I have.”

His angry gray eyes moved to Len, and Len didn’t need to be unshielded to know what he was thinking. Garth was facing me without protection while Len wasn’t, and Garth was right in believing that that was making things worse. If one of my own didn’t trust me—

“What has fear or respect got to do with anything?” Len demanded, trying to disguise embarrassment behind indignation. “It’s not my fault I don’t have the strength of a Prime to fend off her output! You can’t afford to criticize until you know how it feels, Garth. Do you remember what you went through during sword practice yesterday, when that big ape kept pounding on your weapon until he broke through your guard and floored you? It’s a lot like that, only it’s my head that gets pounded on. I didn’t see you throwing away your sword, so what’s wrong with keeping my shield up?”

“Garth kept his sword up only while he was under attack, Len,” I pointed out, wondering how I could sound so calm when I felt so rotten inside. “You’ve been shielding a lot lately, only I hadn’t really noticed it sooner. Have you been under attack all that often then?”

“It’s that static you’re leaking,” Len nearly begged, one hand out to me, blue eyes filled with tragedy—but shield still firmly in place. “You know I don’t like walking around shielded, Terry, but you’re not giving me a choice! It’s either that or develop a permanent headache. How can I make you believe me?”

“What—if I told - you I could get through that shield, Len?” I said suddenly without really meaning to, almost as surprised to hear the words as Garth. “What—if I said your shield was good against nothing bur the static?”

“That’s ridiculous,” Len laughed, but uneasiness turned the laughter uneven. “You know you can’t get through my shield. You’ve tried it before, more than once, and you haven’t been able to do it.”

“Not since the change,” I said, the words soft and easy to match the strange floating I seemed to be in the middle of. I felt nothing but a mild curiosity as I reached out to a nolonger smiling Len with my mind, coming up very close to his shield. Round and shining that shield was, at first seeming as unbreachable as it always had—and then I saw the key. The shield was solid if looked at from a distance, but very close up I could see the spaces between it, the spaces I could slip through. I had to thin myself to do it, more than I’d known was possible, and then Len’s mind was before me, shivering and filled with a terrible fear. He was afraid of me, horribly afraid, and when I sent calm and reassurance to soothe him, panic flamed instead. He dropped the bowl of meat strips with a strangled shout, fought his way spasmodically to his feet, then ran out of the room. He’d had trouble wrenching the door open, but none slamming it closed behind him. I could have followed his desperate run through the halls for quite a distance, but I didn’t. Despite the way the floating was holding me up and bracing me, I put my face into the pillow I was holding and tried to stop living.

“Poor Len,” Garth muttered after a minute, both voice and mind shaken. “He really is afraid. What did you do to him, Terry?”