Ви Корс - The Mist and the Lightning. Part III

"You haven't been like that, Bert! You haven't! I remember you little, you were so happy and kind, always obeyed me and our parents."

Squint-Eye just smirked.

"Until," Bert paused for a moment, "until you noticed you were different. After that everything went to hell! Everything went to hell," he whispered letting his head drop on his hands.

Squint-Eye sat down on the bed in front of his brother, lit a cigarette. They were alike, very much so. One could easily say they were brothers: similar features, raven hair. Berk was just slightly taller and his eyes were light brown, not grey, like Squint-Eye's.

"I protected you," Berk seemed to be talking to himself, "and later I taught you to protect yourself. I taught you everything I knew and could. And still it didn't work!"

"You did your best, enough of it, you don't need to beg for forgiveness here," Squint-Eye said.

"No, I didn't do my best! And I have a reason to repent! I betrayed you, turned away from you, ditched you when you were imprisoned for the first time! You were just two years older than my son is now, just a child!"

"Your son is not a murderer."

"You wouldn't have been either, if not for your cursed eye."

"Bert, I'm not alone like that. Many people live with it and don't kill anyone, even if someone laughs at them."

"I understand you. Who knows what I would do in your place, maybe, I'd do the same. We are alike, I know you followed my example. I don't believe that you were jealous, I don't! You followed me but not out of jealously, you just loved me."

Squint-Eye was silent.

"That day, after you were sentenced, I didn't come up to you. I left the court hall without even looking back. That day I ruined you."

"Look, don't take my sins upon you," Squint-Eye said. "I didn't even think of resenting you for leaving then. You did the right thing."

"No, it was not right!" Berk raised his head meeting Squint-Eye's gaze. "I left you alone, I walked away and left you to him, damn him! I left you to Orel!"

"Am I a thing or what? Left me! I had my own head on my shoulders."

"You were too young to understand consequences."

"But Arel wasn't older than me and he needed help much more. He suffered a hundred times worse and he was all alone!"

"If I stayed with you… if I were there, you wouldn't get together with him."

Squint-Eye shrugged.

"Who knows. No use to talk about it now."

"I need to tell you that. I never said it to you before and I will never repeat it."

Squint-Eye wanted to reply but choked, coughing, covering his mouth.

"You need a doctor!"

Squint-Eye shook his head; he couldn't say a word because of the cough.

"Leave," he managed to say when the fit subsided a little. "You've said everything you wanted, now leave."

"You're driving me away because you don't want me to see you like that! It is unbearable for me to see you as you are now, you look even worse than when you came for the soldiers. What happened? What is this bastard prince doing to you?"

"Leave!"

"I can't! I can't leave you like that!" Berk walked around the room nervously. "You know I came to pick up my son but not only for that. This conversation… I talked to you thousands times in my thoughts. And when I came here today, when I saw you… Gods, Bert, I saw your hair cut!"

"I cut it off myself, I was drugged."

"Like I would believe you! It was Arel! Why didn't he let you talk downstairs, in the hall?"

"He himself talks to everyone who comes to the castle."

"And you kept silent, you obey him!"

"You're strange. He is my master."

"What if you answered me? What would he do?"

"How can I know? Ask him, not me! But I wouldn't answer you – when I am in the right mind, I obey him. I obey all his orders. Your brother is dead. I'm not him. I'm not even human!"

There was mute suffering in Berk's eyes.

"Squint-Eye," he whispered, "fucking Squint-Eye, stubborn and stupid. Murderer proud of his crimes, wearing his shame on his own face!"

"Yeah, tear it off! Tear it out to the meat!" Squint-Eye grabbed Berk's hand, yanked him closer. "Why don't you do it? Take if off me, you want that, don't you?"

"If only you wanted it!" Berk gripped Squint-Eye's head with both his hands, squeezed his temples, leaning closer to him.

Squint-Eye didn't move; he looked at his brother – boldly, challengingly. Berk's hair made in a long ponytail slid onto Squint-Eye's shoulder, mixing with his hair. Squint-Eye seemed to be looking at his reflection: at the reflection of a man he could be but didn't become. Then he raised his hand and took off the thread from one of the needles that held it. It fell revealing a stripe on his skin, thin and deep, left by it. Even if Squint-Eye never put the thread on again, the trace would stay all the same. Berk let him go quietly. With a habitual movement Squint-Eye tied the thread back, separating his face again in two uneven parts with a thin black line.

"I will be waiting in the estate. You need to make up your mind and leave here. I will make sure Orel will never find you."

"Berk, why don't you despise me like others? Why don't you leave me alone?"

"I did leave you once and what happened?!"

"You did the right thing!"

"No, I did what everyone did. What seemed proper. But I'm not everyone, I'm your elder brother, I taught you to hit back, I taught you to kill, I taught you bad!"

"Not at all. You taught me good."

"I don't believe that everything is lost, we can correct it, I'll help you! I don't know how but I swear I will! Whether you want it or not. I couldn't get you out of prison but I will get you out of this castle."

"I don't need it, Berk, please, don't try to oppose Arel!"

"I'm not afraid of your Arel, he's just a scarecrow! For fuck's sake, is there really royal blood in this man?"

"Shut up!"

"I just can't believe a scion of royalty can look such a shit, it's degeneration. I admit it, when I saw him so close and without a mask today, I was scared. What's happening to his face? I even felt a little sorry for him, the grey paint simply disfigured him."

"The paint corroded his face. Arel is ill exactly because he has 'royal blood' in him, as you say. It doesn't accept the paint, that's why the paint corrodes him so quickly. But it doesn't have to concern you."

"I didn't know that. It means the king's punishment was twice as cruel."

"You don't know many things, and the punishment doesn't matter, the thing is Arel can't stop himself," Squint-Eye said. "But it really has nothing to do with you."

"Who was the man with long blonde hair sitting next to him? His face was hidden behind a mask."

"Berk, get out!"

"I just want to help you!"

"Too late! If you don't want to get in trouble, leave now! And never, do you hear, never, come back here! I don't care about your belated repentance, I don't need your apologies. I don't need anything from you! I don't need you!"

"Bert!"

"Leave!"

"And if I don't? What will you do? Kill me? Will you kill you brother? Huh?"

"I don't have a brother!"

"I forgive you these words! It is not you who's saying them. My poor, poor little brother, fate was so cruel to you!"

There was a knock on the door and they heard Orel's voice.

"Hey, aren't you too noisy there?"

Prince Arel Chig himself appeared in the doorway.

"Have you sorted it out, Squint-Eye?"

"Sweet family arguments," Lis entered the room. "Arel, perhaps we shouldn't hinder them." He gave Berk a fake smile.

"I'd better leave now," Berk said; there was unconcealed hatred in his eyes when he looked at Orel. "But your time is running out, prince, and I'll take my brother away from you!"

"What? You want to take him? Then take! But when he has another fit and cut the throats of your entire family, don't beg me to take him back!"