Ви Корс - The Mist and the Lightning. Part 18

“Forgive me…”

“Yes, for you to say “I'm sorry” is as easy as to go have a piss!”

“You said one can’t say that … express himself in this way.”

“Why have you got drunk again? I don’t understand, explain to me!”

Nik thought for a while:

“Because it’s… it’s very pleasant.”

“Pleasant?! Is it pleasant to drink and hang around with all sorts of obscure personalities?”

“Personalities?”

“With all sorts of garbage!”

“It’s fun…”

Kors literally gasped with indignation:

“Fun?! Well, for goodness’ sake! I have no words! Your drunken friends will break your head sooner or later! Mador will split your stupid head, this will be also fun!”

“No.”

“Yes! This is usually the end of such adventures, believe me, I know. And you choose your friends the right way – only crap!”

Nik slid off the trestle bed and knelt in front of his father, bending down to him and kissing his boots. He knew that Kors really liked this demonstration of humility and obedience: at the very beginning of their relationship, Kors forced Nik to do it, angering and humiliating him, but now, as time passed, he taught his son to such an expression of love and gratitude. Nik was used to this and often, without orders, crawled at Kors’ feet, licking his boots like a faithful dog. Kors was always happy to let him do it, but now he brutally threw him away.

Having slightly lost his balance (both from Kors’ kick and from the fact that he was very drunk), Nik fell on his side, but quickly pulled himself together and sat down. He didn’t rise from his knees and was silent, allowing his father to scold him. No matter how hard he tried, Kors didn’t feel a stream of suffering or any kind of experience from Nik. Deciding that it was alcohol to blame, which blocked his son’s consciousness and prevented him from being sad and fully feeling the burden of guilt, Kors stopped scolding him:

“Put on the mask! I can’t see your drunken face! Oh, demonic nature, why should I be so punished – to have such a son!”

Nik, upset, but obediently reached for his mask and put it on. He finally got up from his knees and lay down on their trestle bed on his side, facing the wall, clearly trying not to “stick out like a sore thumb” and not provoke Kors. Frustrated, Kors left him alone and lay down on the skins next to him, defiantly embracing Arel.

They slept almost all day and only woke up in the evening.

“Can I take off my mask?” Nik asked cautiously. “I’ll wash and brush my teeth.”

“What for are you asking me?! When you get drunk, you don’t ask me!” Kors snapped sharply and irritably.

Nik sat in front of him with his head down, and Kors saw that he had not touched the mask, didn’t take it off without permission.

“You can take it off!”

“Thank you, daddy, please forgive me.”

“Oh!”

Nik took off his mask and looked at his father apologetically. He looked sad. Unable to remain serious at the sight of his cute face, Kors involuntarily smiled.

“Well, enough to flutter your eyelashes!”

“I don’t do it on purpose! Why are you making fun of me? You made me this way yourself, and now you laugh!”

“I made it beautifully!”

“Yes, you just went too far! And now it amuses you that I look so!”

“I’m not laughing…”

“No, you’re laughing.”

“No!”

“Vitor, I want to spend time with you, I'm yours. But please don’t laugh at me. I am not a toy!”

“I’m not laughing or playing with you, my doll, my porcelain figurine. Yes, I can scold you a little, but with love and for your own good. Can I do it this way?”

“This way yes.”

“Yes, honey, yes.”

“Please, Vitor, l am open to you, do you understand? Don’t break my heart!”

“I am also open,” Kors strongly supported him, “and it is you who break my heart with your behavior! How can I trust you if you only care about drinking and partying?”

“No, I don’t care about it! I love you!”

“I love you too!” Shouted Kors. “And it makes me vulnerable to your antics! One wave of your eyelashes, and I succumb to you for everything!

“No, I yield myself to you! When you scold and beat me, and I don’t dare to answer you, because I am afraid of losing your love.”

“And it is right. I fell out of love with Arel precisely because he didn’t listen to me well. If you don’t contradict me and obey me, I won’t stop loving you, I will never stop loving you! We’ll be happy. I will make you happy,” Kors reached out to his face and gently ran his fingers over the scar. “I would rather do your treatment! I will remove this scar from you, I will heal it.”

“Are you ashamed of me because of it? It spoils everything, doesn’t it?”

“I haven’t said that.”

“Even when you fuck my mouth, you always try to shove you cock into a healthy cheek and never into a scarred one.”

“Damn it, Nik! Sometimes you really need to be dicked to keep you quiet!” Unable to restrain himself, Kors raised his voice again.

And Nik’s face immediately reflected tension, he shied aside and quickly said:

“Don’t… please, Vitor!”

“Don't read my mind! Can you see me doing something to you?”

“But you want to… all the time you want to hit me. I said I love you, and that’s why you are going to beat me now? Yes?”

Kors saw Nik turn pale, his lips trembling with excitement and frustration, and his voice was filled with resentment; he literally stumbled in mid-sentence, fell silent, swallowing nervously. His face was so sad that it was impossible to look at Nik so as not to feel your heart contracting with pity.

“Stop pouting capriciously, it’s just vulgar!” Kors tried not to give in, so as not to start feeling sorry for him.

“I’m not pouting anything,” Nik objected resentfully. “You never beat Karina, but you constantly kick me! You slap me on the eyes and lips that you like so much. There are endless slaps from you for everything that is “wrong”, in your opinion. For a “wrong look”, for every “wrong word” – you immediately hit me. Yes, maybe not at full strength, but it’s humiliating.”

Kors saw now that the constant wearing of a mask still affected his Nik. He, like most slaves and commoners, when his face was open, poorly controlled facial expressions and emotions. If he was upset, this was fully reflected on his face. He didn’t even try or somehow didn’t know how to restrain himself, because he was not used to receiving feedback from the interlocutor, depending on the expression of his face. He didn’t understand that this was important, and didn’t care about it. It was unbearable for Kors to see this inferiority.

“Forgive me! Forgive me!” He grabbed his head. “You evoke in me some trashy feelings! And Karina is a complete fool, of course, but she is my only girl. I took care of her, although in an amicable way she should have been punished very harshly. But this idiot in the end at least found herself the same fool. And you’re completely crazy, do you understand? You are wild, neglected. Why are you looking at me with your eyes and keep silence? My little white, little white boy! Oh, oh, my doll… Come here, crawl to me, immediately! Like this… You feel good with me, aren't you? I love you so much, my beloved darling, I love your doll’s eyes and lips.”

“You keep on beating me!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, my doll! I’m doing this for your own good. If you weren’t so stupid, you would thank me for that. Thank me…”

“Thank you.”

“My boy. My stupid boy…”

“It hurts me, don’t… don’t touch me…”