Cairo - Deep Throat Diva

Now, hold up. I’m not saying every chick who was out there to see their loved one was ghetto…but, baaaby, trust me. Most of them hoes were. Not to mention the fucking retarded-ass CO’s who I believe are hired to make the whole experience as miserable and as uncomfortable as they possibly can so you’ll get so pissed off that you don’t wanna come back. Miserable bastards! Still, being able to see Jasper whenever I wanted—at least three, sometimes four, times a week between window and contact visits—made all the extra shit I had to go through bearable.

But, now…mmmph, forget it. The drive alone is enough to make me sick! Jasper claims the only reason he put in for the transfer from Rahway to way down here in this Godforsaken hick town was to get into a halfway house faster. He completed some kind of TC—therapeutic community—drug program, and his application to a halfway house has finally been approved. Now he’s waiting to leave. And the good thing is he’ll be closer to home. But, shit! In the meantime I still have to take this treacherous drive! Truth be told, I wish he would have kept his ass at Rahway. Oh, well.

I cut my eye over at Stax as I slow down and prepare to stop at a light. He’s laid all the way back in his seat knocked the hell out, lightly snoring. And that’s fine by me. I let my eyes roam all over his thick, muscular body longer than I should. I take in the sparkle of his diamond-crusted Rolex and pinky ring, then shift my eyes back on the road when the light turns green, making a left turn onto route 49. As soon as I turn right onto Burlington Road, he wakes up.

“Damn, ma, you aiight?”

I glance over at him. “Yeah, I’m fine. How’d you sleep?”

“Like a newborn baby,” he says, smiling while adjusting his seat upward.

“A newborn?” I repeat, laughing. “More like a wild boar.”

He laughs with me. “Sorry ’bout that, ma. I didn’t mean to crash out on you like that. I planned on keeping you company.”

“The way you were snoring,” I tease, “I knew you had to be tired. So, trust me. It’s quite alright. Besides, I’m used to taking this ride by myself.” I can feel him staring at me. I glance over, arching my brow. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

He shakes his head, smiling. “Nah, I was just thinkin’.”

“About?”

“How beautiful you are.” I blush, shifting in my seat; visibly uncomfortable by his remark. He notices this and says, “No disrespect meant, ma. I’m sayin’. You mad cool, that’s all. And you got flava that I’m sure got the nigga’s sweatin’ you, hard.”

I force a smile. “I don’t know about all that. But thanks for the compliment.”

“You’re a good woman, Pash.” This is the only nigga outside of Jasper who I actually let call me that. Anyone else, I’ve always checked. But him…I don’t know, I guess it’s the way he says it in that Ja-Rule-sounding voice of his. “I hope Jasp knows how lucky he is.”

I feel guilt rising up in me. I swallow it back, hard. “Umm, why you say that?”

“C’mon, ma, you been ridin’ this bid out wit’ my fam hard. And I haven’t heard shit ’bout you creepin’ on him. That’s wassup.”

Because I do my dirt discreetly. “And you won’t,” I say without blinking an eye.

“So you’ve never stepped out on him?” he asks, eyeing me as if he’s not convinced.

I slowly shake my head. Rationalize in my head, lie in my heart, that what I’m doing isn’t really cheating. That it’s only a means to an end. Just until my baby gets home. I glance over at him. “Nope.” I say, looking him dead in the eyes.

He seems surprised. “Not ever? ”

I’m kind of surprised myself that he’s sitting here asking me this shit. All the years I’ve known Stax, and all the times I’ve seen him since Jasper’s been locked up, he’s never come out his face to ask me about cheating. But today he is. Hmmm. I wonder if Jasper put his ass up to this? If you ask me, this whole ride thing is suspect. Yeah, the more I sit here thinking about it, the more I’m thinking Jasper’s behind this little inquisition. I’m telling you, niggas are dumb as hell. Does this fool actually think I’d ever tell him the damn truth, knowing he’d go back and tell Jasper? Puhleeze!

“I have no desire to fuck another man,” I tell him, bluntly. Just suck his damn dick! Well, at least there is some truth to that.

“That’s wassup, ma. Not too many females out here gonna hold their man down behind the wall without having another muhfucka knockin’ their guts around, feel me?”

“Well, you make sure you tell him what I said, and remind him of how lucky he is.”

He grins. “Oh, I got you, ma. Jasp doesn’t even know I’m kickin’ this to you, though.” I roll my eyes up in my head, disbelievingly. He laughs. “Nah, real talk. I was only askin’.”

“Hmmm…why, are you taking a poll or something?”

He keeps laughing. “Nah, not at all. I’m sayin’…I admire you for holdin’ it down. That’s all.”

“Thanks. But don’t think this prison shit has been easy on me,” I confess, quickly glancing over at him. “Doing a bid with a man comes with its challenges, trust me.”

“Oh, I know it’s not easy—for you or anyone else. But, look at you. You holdin’ shit down. And Jasp doesn’t haveta worry about you playin’ him. Hell, my baby mother was shittin’ on me the whole time I was locked up. And I was lucky if I got a visit once a month, if that. I couldn’t really hate on her, though, ’cause when I was on the bricks I was doin’ me, feel me? And she put up wit’ alotta shit.”

I nod, turning into the prison entrance, then driving around until I find a parking space. “I hear you. So, how ya’ll doing anyway?”

“We good,” he says, opening and closing his legs, then pressing his hand down into his lap. I cut my eye over at him, glancing down in his lap, then quickly shift my eyes back on the road in front of me. For a brief second, I could swear I saw a lump forming in his pants. “You know, we have our ups and downs, but it’s all good.”

When I finally find a parking space, I pull in, then shut the engine off, looking over at Stax. “Out of curiosity, why’d you come home to her, knowing what she was doing?”

“On some real shit,” he says, pulling his bottom lip in. “She’s my son’s mother.”

I never really noticed how his brown eyes sparkle when the light hits them until now. Damn. It’s a good thing that: one, I’m not sexually attracted to him; two, I have healthy boundaries and don’t believe in fucking my man’s family or friends; and, three, I promised Jasper I wouldn’t give up any of this pussy while he was locked up. Otherwise I’d probably have dropped down on his dick at least once by now.

I twist my lips, raising my eyebrow. “That’s the only reason?”

“Nah,” he says, pausing. “I had no other place to go.”

“And now?”

“’Cause she’s pregnant again,” he says, opening his door. I open mine as well, but don’t get out of the car until after I check my face and whatnot in the mirror. I put on a fresh coat of lipstick, then pull the key out of the ignition. I remove my ID and money from my wallet, then pop the trunk to put my handbag inside. I get out of the car, then make sure my prison garb—a simple, ankle-length, long-sleeved black dress and a cute pair of four-inch, black Prada heels—is on point. Yes, I’m going to a prison, but I still have to keep it sexy. However, I try not to wear anything that is too revealing or provocative—no cleavage, nothing form-fitting. No open-toed shoes. Or anything that is beige, tan, or orange (because the inmates wear those colors) to keep the CO’s from turning me away, like I’ve seen them do to other chicks. And just in case there’s a hating-ass female officer on duty, I keep a change of clothes in the trunk for backup.