Cairo - Kitty-Kitty, Bang-Bang

I huff. “Geezus, nigga, what’s up wit’ da twenty damn questions? No, it ain’t his. And it ain’t yours. Now why you here?”

He reaches for me. “I came here for you.”

Fuck all this censorin’ shit! I step back. “Well, sorry to bust ya bubble. But, I ain’t here for you so you can bounce back to whereva you came from. Go find ya’self a bitch whose gonna trick ’er money up on ya ass. And run behind ya ass, beggin’ ’n cryin’ ’n shit. And shootin’ ya ass up when she can’t have you.”

“That’s not da kinda woman I want on my arm, or in my life. I want you.”

I shift Zaire from one arm to the otha. His lil’ ass is gettin’ heavy. “Well, you can’t have me. I don’t want da headache. So step.”

I try to shut the door in his face. “Hol’ up…” He puts his hand up and stops the door from shuttin’. “Yo, all I’m askin’ for is fifteen minutes. That’s all.” I glare at ’im. “Kat, look at me, ma. I’m fucked up here. I haven’t slept or ate in weeks. I ain’t da kinda muhfucka to ever beg a bit…a woman for shit. But, I’m askin’, beggin’ you, for fifteen minutes; that’s it. Is that too much for a muhfucka to ask for? Fifteen minutes for you to give me a chance to talk; and you to listen. And when I’m done, if you still ain’t beat, then I’ll bounce; real talk. I’ll walk outta this door and never bother you, again.”

I stare at this muhfucka; take the nigga in. His eyes are red and swollen. The nigga looks like he hasn’t slept in days. I feel the urge to slap the shit outta ’im for comin’ into a bitch’s life, pushin’ his way into my space. Forcin’ a bitch to feel shit she ain’t tryna feel.

I step back, pull open the door, and let ’im in. “Ten minutes, then you need to leave.” He brushes past me. I shut the door, then tell ’im to give me a minute take the baby upstairs to put ’im in his crib.

When I come back downstairs, he’s sittin’ on the sofa, holdin’ his head in his face. He lifts his head when he hears me. “Kat, listen to me, baby…”

I stand in the middle of the floor, fold my arms. “Nigga, don’t baby me. Hurry up ’n get to da point, so I can go back to doin’ what I was doin’.”

“Yo, why da fuck you so fuckin’ mean and evil? What did I ever do to you for you to treat me like shit?”

“You came into my life, disruptin’ my flow, nigga. That’s what you did. You brought drama to my muthafuckin’ door, nigga.”

“That wasn’t my intention,” he stands up, walkin’ ova to me. “I’m really sorry ’bout that.”

“Nigga, sorry don’t cut it. A bitch shot ya ass right in front of me. You knew that bitch was a Looney bin graduate and you still was fuckin’ wit’ da bitch on da sly.”

“Kat, I swear to you. I wasn’t fuckin’ wit’ that broad. I put that on e’erything I love. Straight lace, baby, I was only talkin’ to ’er ass, tryna keep da peace. Da bitch was talkin’ real reckless, so I tried to defuse da shit.”

I glare at ’im. “So you tellin’ me you was only talkin’ to da bitch on da phone?”

He shifts his eyes, shakin’ his head. “Nah, I saw ’er a few times. But it wasn’t nuthin’.”

“Besides ’er, who da fuck else was you seein’?”

“Kat, I wasn’t seein’ ’er da way you sayin’ it. I wasn’t seein’ anyone else. I told you, on some real shit, that I was really into you.”

I sigh. “Why couldn’t you step da fuck off when I was brushin’ ya ass off? Why’d you have’ta keep pressin’ a bitch?”

He touches the side of my face. “’Cause, on some real shit, da first moment I saw you wit’ ya girl walkin’ through da hotel in Arizona, I knew I had’a get at you. I knew you were da kinda woman I could fall for. And that’s on e’eryting. Even when you was playin’ a muhfucka to da left, that shit only made me wanna get at you more.”

“Then you a damn fool,” I tell ’im, sidesteppin’ ’im. I take a seat on the sofa.

“Nah…that makes me a man who knows what he wants. Da first time we spoke on da phone, and I heard ya sexy-ass voice, I knew what I already felt—that you were da one for me.”

“You don’t even know me .”

“But a muhfucka knows what he feels. I ain’t ever felt no shit like this for any female before. And that’s some real shit, Kat.”

“And what’s that?”

“Love.”

Love? The word slips from this nigga’s lips wit’out any effort. And I’m shocked. It’s sumthin’ a bitch neva ’pected to hear from ’im. I don’t know why, but I need to be sure I heard ’im the first time. “What did you say?” He doesn’t blink, doesn’t flinch. Looks me in the eyes ’n repeats the shit. “That’s what I thought you said. Well, you need ta take that shit up wit’ another bitch—”

“Yo, why you keep tryna push me away?”

“I’m not pushin’ you away. I’m tryna give ya ass a chance to bow out gracefully.”

“I’m not lookin’ for an out,” he snaps, “I’m lookin’ for you to open ya heart and let a muhfucka in so he can love you.”

“How you gonna love me? What da fuck you know ’bout lovin’ anyone other than ya’self? You’ve neva even been committed to a bitch. So what makes you think a muhfucka like you can be faithful? How da fuck you know you even capable of love?”

“’Cause I’m not that muhfucka I used to be. I knew the first time we rocked them sheets who I wanted in my life. And I know what I feel”—he taps the space over his heart wit’ his fist—“right here.”

“And layin’ up in that hospital bed gave a muhfucka a buncha time to think. I almost died, Kat. And keepin’ it a hunnid, that shit scared me. I don’t wanna die not knowin’ what it’s like to love someone. I mean really love ’em, feel me?

This muhfucka is crazy. Would this muhfucka be sayin’ all this shit if he knew I was a bitch who laid a buncha niggas down wit’out battin’ an eye? Would da nigga be so pressed to love a bitch knowin’ she gets off on shuttin’ a muhfucka’s lights out?

“I wanna understand you, baby. I wanna stand by you. Be the kinda man in ya dreams. I can be that muhfucka, Kat; real talk. Let a muhfucka love you, Kat.”

“Da last muhfucka I thought loved me was busy lettin’ a bitch who I thought was my friend suck his dick. And da nigga after ’im was caught fuckin’ my aunt, so—”

“So, that’s their shit. Not mine. I’m not them. I told you, I don’t cheat.”

“And you neva been in a relationship eitha.”

“Yeah, true. But that doesn’t mean I don’t know what kinda woman I need in my life to push me to be a better man.

“Yeah, well, you say that shit now. But what happens when ya ass starts gettin’ bored wit’ havin’ only one bitch?”

“That won’t happen,” he says, starin’ at me.

“I don’t trust you, nigga.”

He slowly shakes his head, runs his hands ova his face. “Keep shit gee. Is it me, or ya’self you don’t trust?”

I frown. “Nigga, what’s that ’posed to mean?”

“It means bein’ honest wit’ ya’self ’bout what da fuck you really feelin’. No frontin’. Step outta da bullshit, and see you for da first time…”

“ Frontin’? I don’t gotta front ’bout shit. I’ma real bitch, nigga.”

“Yeah, wit’ e’ery bitch, but you. For once trust what’s in ya heart, not what you think in ya head. You say I don’t know you, but ya wrong, baby. I know you hurt, like I hurt. I know you dream, like I dream. I know you scared of takin’ risks. Of lettin’ someone get close to you. Like me, you been runnin’ all ya life from ya’self.”