Beth Kery - Because We Belong

After they returned to the manor, Ian insisted upon searching for the suspected underground entrance where Reardon entered Aurore. Francesca went with them into the gloomy, musty basement that seemed to stretch forever in each direction. Ian and Lucien did, indeed, after much searching, discover a hidden door that led to a tunnel.

“It looks like it was built fairly recently, at least in comparison to the house,” Lucien observed, running his hand over the wood timbers that enforced a different branch of the tunnel system than the one they’d been in earlier.

“I’m thinking it might have been constructed during World War II, during the German occupation. There was fighting in this vicinity. The owners might have wanted an escape route or a hideout if troops ever tried to occupy. Look at this,” Ian said, running the flashlight along a plastic tube that contained multiple electrical wires. “Bloody bastard has me paying for his electricity,” Ian said, his tone a strange mixture of annoyance, amusement, and respect.

Afterward, they all retired to the parlor. The fire was dying in the hearth, but still gave off sufficient heat to warm Francesca.

“How old do you think he is?” Lucien asked after they’d talked a while about the idiosyncratic Reardon.

“Hard to tell with that bloody beard and all the grime. Around our age, maybe younger,” Ian said. “He’s got a story to tell.”

“He’s clearly more than a wild tramp,” Lucien said, standing and stretching. “He’s organized and methodical . . . and brilliant, if I don’t miss my guess.”

“A chip off the old block,” Ian muttered.

“Didn’t the townspeople give you any idea of his background?” Lucien asked.

“I only got some of the newer residents to open up and talk,” Ian said, the low flames of the fire flickering in his eyes as he stared. “They all seemed to be of the belief that he’s a homeless, wild tramp.”

“Why wouldn’t the people who have lived here for longer talk to you?” Francesca asked.

She flinched inwardly when his gleaming eyes met hers. He’d hardly met her gaze at all since she’d arrived.

“Because I spook them,” Ian said, his mouth slanting into a mirthless smile. “They think I’m Gaines’s ghost.” Her heart seemed to jump against her breastbone. She blinked when he stood abruptly from the couch.

“I’m going to bed,” he said.

Lucien gave her a half-apologetic, half-compassionate glance when Ian stalked out of the room without another word.

Lucien indicated which room Ian slept in before he bid her good night, and opened a door at the other end of the long hallway.

She rapped on the designated door quietly before she entered, but Ian didn’t reply. He stood unmoving next to an ancient four-poster bed with a drooping canopy of dusty, faded crimson velvet. She gave him a questioning, worried look when he just stared at the bed without looking around at her.

“I don’t know where to put you to sleep,” he said starkly, surprising her.

“I don’t know what you mean,” she said slowly, confused. Was he going to insist she sleep separately from him? Was he still that angry that she’d come?

“I mean I don’t know where to put you. There’s no place suitable,” he waved at the sagging mattress on the old relic. “The beds are all like this.”

She gave a soft bark of laughter when she recognized the direction of his concern. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’ll be fine. I’ve been camping before. It can’t be much worse than . . .”

She faded off when he turned to her and she saw the utter bleakness of his expression.

“Ian,” she whispered, her throat going tight. She rushed to him, hugging him tight, her cheek pressed against his chest. “I don’t care where I sleep. I just want to be wherever you are. I just want to be with you, and know you’re okay.”

For a wretched few seconds, he didn’t return her fervent embrace. Slowly, his arms encircled her waist. Then he was pulling her tight against him, his face pressing to the top of her head.

“You smell so good,” he mumbled next to her hair. “If I kept my nose buried here, if I kept myself buried in you, I could forget this disgusting old house . . . all of it. You have no idea how much the idea appeals.”

She whimpered softly, pressing her face closer to his solid heat. “I had to come. Please don’t be mad at me. I know I said I understood about you trying to figure things out for yourself, but I didn’t know . . .”

“I meant this?” he asked, cradling the back of her head with his palm and urging her to look up at him.

“I panicked when I thought of you being here,” she admitted in a rush. “It just seemed so . . . awful.”

“It is awful,” he said dryly. “I told you it was. I told you I didn’t want you here. It pains me to see it, Francesca.”

She looked up at him through a veil of tears. “It pains me. If it’s true that you think it will help you somehow, then tell me. Tell me how , Ian,” she implored. A tear skipped down her cheek. “Make me understand, because I’m trying so hard to be on your side.”

“That’s just it,” he said, profound frustration entering his bold features. He opened his hand at the side of her head, thumbing the skin of her cheek. “You can’t understand this place. To you, it’s just a dirty, moldy pile. But to me, it holds answers. Look at tonight,” he added pointedly when she just looked at him, bewildered. “Kam Reardon. He’ll be able to answer questions for me.”

“If you can keep him from shooting you, first . . . maybe,” Francesca said doubtfully.

“He’s not going to shoot me. At least I don’t think so. He apparently had the opportunity plenty of times before and never did,” he said, still stroking her cheek, his expression thoughtful.

“That’s not all that reassuring,” she replied desperately.

“I’m sorry. If I can’t explain it to you, then I don’t know what to do,” he said in a pressured tone. “I’m telling you there are answers here for me. About Trevor Gaines. About who he was. About how I got here on this earth.”

“How is knowing all that going to make a difference to you?” she asked wildly.

He clamped his eyes together, his expression so frustrated it made it her want to weep. “I’m telling you that it makes a difference to me because it does . I’m telling you that it does, what else can I say to convince you? If I can figure things out, make sense of it in my mind—”

“But it’s mad ,” she interrupted, growing frantic.

He opened his eyes slowly, spearing her with his stare. His brow furrowed slightly. Francesca froze when she saw his dawning comprehension.

“That’s what you think? That I’m going mad?”

“I . . .” She shook her head, her mind spinning. Did she think he was losing his mental facilities? “No. No,” she repeated, realizing it was true. He was emotionally overwrought, but he wasn’t a madman. She met his stare, pleading for him to understand. “I’m just . . . scared. It terrified me, thinking of you digging around in that man’s possessions, trying to understand him.”

Her shaky admission seemed to hover in the air between them.

“I’m a little scared, too,” he admitted after a moment. “But not of the same thing you are. Not of going mad. Not anymore anyway.”

“What then?” she whispered, pulling closer to his heat.

“Of not being able to understand. If I can’t wrap my head around who my biological father was, I can’t . . .” He gritted his teeth and winced. “I can’t get the poison of him out of me. I don’t know how else to put it. If you’d just let me, I can do this, Francesca. I believe it now, more than ever. With Lucien here, with all the research I’ve already compiled, even catching a glimpse of Kam Reardon’s life tonight, I’m starting to get a hold on who Trevor Gaines was.” His eyes looked a little wild as he clutched tighter at her head. “If I can’t do this, I can’t feel right about being with you forever. I don’t want to taint you—”