Dawn Robertson - Finding Willow

I let go of Chrome’s hand and run across the small room. Everything happens in slow motion. I open my arms and she crashes against my chest. Her arms wrap around my waist and squeeze me tight. I kiss the top of her head as I hold her just as tight as she holds me.

“I’ve been looking for you. God, you are really here.”

I pull back enough to memorize every detail of her perfect face. Tears pour from my eyes, and her sparkling blue eyes flood to match mine. We hold each other as we cry, and I pray I don’t lose my baby girl again. Ever.

“Do you want to come live with me, Magnolia?” I hold my breath, and pray she is as desperate to be with me as I am to be with her.

“That’s what we want to talk to you about, Star,” my mother interjects, and I feel like someone just stabbed me in the chest.

“I won’t let you take her from me again.” Magnolia pulls out of my arms, and I turn to my mother. “You kept her from me for almost eleven years. I will not miss another day.” I try to be as stern as I can, when my entire body feels like crumbling. They wouldn’t take her from me again. Would they?

“We are leaving Woodstock. You know, we gotta keep on truckin’ and we don’t think it would be fair to take Magnolia with us. Her life is here. We actually did right by her. She is in school, and she is brilliant. We don’t want to mess that up. God knows we fucked up so much with you girls.”

Understatement of the fucking century right there. I love and hate them all at the same time. I love them for rescuing her from foster care. I love them for finally bringing her to me, even after all of these years. I hate them for forcing me to give her up when she was a baby. I hate them for wasting the last five years of my life not telling them.

“You knew, all this time.” I look at Journey, and she still can’t make eye contact with me. I am hurt and humiliated. She knew all this time and yet never had the guts to stand up to our parents and tell me the truth. She has lived in the same house with them and watched my daughter grow up, without saying a word to me.

“I didn’t want to keep this secret from you, Star.” Bullshit; if I knew something like this, I would have moved heaven and earth to tell my sister. I want to yell at her, to berate her in front of everyone, until I remember that my daughter is standing next to me. The little girl I have been searching for. The piece of me I never wanted to walk away from.

“I’m sorry, Magnolia. I am so sorry I missed out on so much.” I push the lone strand of hair out of her face, and she smiles at me. She is quiet and shy. Just like I was once upon a time. So many minor details about her remind me of myself as a little girl, or maybe that is just the way I want to remember myself before I was put through the wringer.

“It’s not your fault… Mom.” Her voice is quiet, but beyond beautiful. She sounds like an angel. I pray that she believes what she said. I hope she can forgive me for all the time that I missed. “I will come with you. I want to.”

The blind trust is enough to make my heart burst. I vow I will never let her down. I would rather die a thousand deaths than hurt her in any way.

I pull her in, squeezing her tight again. I don’t want to let go. I’m afraid I will wake up and this will all be one big dream. Then again, I could’ve never dreamed up exactly how fucked up my own parents would be. Keeping her from me without any regard for her well-being or my feelings.

“Magnolia, I don’t have a house right now. I have a motel room. But my home should be done soon. It is really neat. It used to be an old cabin I dreamed of as a little girl. You can decorate your room anyway you want.” I smile as I think about her decorating one of the massive bedrooms in the spacious house.

“I get my own room?” Her face brightens and I see the first genuine smile since I walked into my parents’ shit box of a house. I wipe my tear stained face and turn to Chrome. He sits attentively on the couch wearing a blinding smile. If I didn’t know better, I’d think I see the hint of a tear in the corner of his eye.

“You get anything you want from here on out, kiddo. Anything at all.” I have so much time to make up for, and there is nothing I wouldn’t give her. Not a damn thing.

“Star, why don’t we let Magnolia and your mom spend a little time together, and we can hash out the details of her coming with you?” My father’s words catch me off guard, but I think it is a good idea. I don’t want Magnolia, or Maggie, exposed to whatever kind of argument the discussion may become. I want her protected from everything.

“Mind if I join you?” Chrome’s voice comes from behind me, and I am torn. He is really a major part of my life, but I think it is way too soon to involve him in major decisions with Magnolia. I would never ask the same of him when it came to Scarlett.

“Just for support, Star.” He reaches his hand out and squeezes mine. His touch calms me, giving me the strength I know I’m going to need. Thankfully, I will be handling it with my father, someone who wasn’t as much of a shit bag when I was growing up.

“That is fine.” I give him the little bit of a smile I can conjure up. I should be jumping for joy, but until my daughter is in my car, leaving this place with me, I will remain guarded.

We walk into the dated kitchen and sit around a wicker kitchen table. The walls are just as stained in here as they are in the living room. I want to bitch that this is no place for a child to be raised, but could I have provided more over the years? Would Willow have been a victim of my drug use, and whatever colorful behavior I brought home with me on more than one occasion? Maybe things truly worked out the way they were meant to. I shove my own personal judgment to the side and pay attention to my dad.

“We’re leaving on Sunday. A motel isn’t the ideal place for you two to live, but it will have to do for the time being, Star.” Before I can say anything about them completely dumping her like a piece of trash, Chrome takes charge of the situation.

“Neither of them is returning to that motel. They are staying with me and my daughter until the house is finished. Simple as that.”

I turn to face him, and I know there isn’t room for discussion on this topic. I think about all the pros and cons of spending that time together, but having Magnolia adjust to my parents leaving with Scarlett’s company may just be the best possible transition. Seeing as Scarlett and Magnolia are around the same age, the question plagues me. Does Chrome know my baby girl?

“Did you…” I pause, looking for words that won’t offend him, but I don’t have to finish my question before he knows what I am trying to ask.

“Scarlett and Magnolia are in the same class. Had I known all of this, I would have done something about it long ago. I’m sorry, Star.” Here is this big fucking biker guy, looking as though he wants to cry for me. I want to smile, but I can’t. I want to wrap my arms around him, but I don’t. I just leave it be. There will be a time and place for us to have this heart-to-heart without my father involved.

“She can spend one last night here. I will be back in the morning to pick her up. Please make sure she packs everything. I don’t want her forced to leave anything more than she already has to behind. I know how shitty it can feel, since I was forced to so many times as a girl.”

I wrap my arms around my baby girl after we’re done, giving her all the love I hold in my body, and I promise her I will be back bright and early in the morning to start our new lives together. It all feels like a dream and I pray that, when I wake up tomorrow morning, life will still be as fucking wonderful as it is right this minute.