Dawn Robertson - Finding Willow

I can feel the resentment in the air. His distaste for responsibilities is clear, like most kids his age. But he shrugs it off and continues.

“But it’s life. No one expected our parents to get killed. You never think you are going to be taking care of a five-year-old girl when you’re sixteen. Don’t get me wrong. I love Scarlett, but my brother’s lack of presence in our lives made everything harder. It’s his job; he is on the road. I get it. I was just never ready to be a surrogate parent.”

For such a young kid, he has the weight of the world on his shoulders, and I genuinely feel bad for him. It’s been a long time since another person sparked that kind of emotional response from me. Especially a virtual stranger.

“I’m sorry to hear that. Your problems make mine look like a fucking paper cut in the grand scheme of things, River.” It may not be true, but then again, we can’t play a game of who has a more fucked up life , either.

“I’m cool with it now. It just gets under my skin every time I happen to talk to my brother. Whether I like it or not, he is still Scarlett’s legal guardian because of my parents’ will. I have asked him to reconsider but he won’t. It always turns into an argument.” Here I thought I was coming to get shit off my own chest. I might as well have him lie down in the booth and charge him a couple hundred bucks when we are done.

“Tell me about your problems. It looks like you want to get something out,” he says. Am I that fucking transparent? Probably. Seven can read me like a book. I guess I don’t have the killer poker face she does. Mine was lost long ago.

“My problems are pathetic. I’m a coke-addicted porn star looking for a new start. There isn’t much more to it,” I lie. I’m good at lying. I hate that I’m good at lying, but it has helped me through life. I may not have the emotionally evasive poker face, but I can lie like a fucking politician. I know I want to lay it all out on the line, but I just don’t want the world to know exactly why I am in Woodstock. My negative thoughts only have everyone trying to help whoever Willow is living with, hide her from me. Yup, I always think of the worst case scenario.

“That is where I know you from!” His voice echoes through the quiet diner. “You are fucking Star Bloom!” His excitement level is at a three hundred and seventy-two, and I need it at a fucking negative sixteen.

“Yes, that’s me.” I shrug as our food is delivered. River apparently thinks he is dining with some kind of celebrity now. The smile plastered on his face can’t even be removed by the shitty diner food, or the heavy convo flowing this evening.

“Seriously. You are, like, one of the best porn stars ever! The deep throat queen!” Once again, his voice echoes, and the embarrassment starts to seep in. I wanted a peaceful dinner, and now I have a deep throat fan front and center.

“Can we talk about something else? I am kind of trying to put that all behind me.” It was a huge portion of my life, but it is done now. I can’t go back to that lifestyle and I think I am going to stay away from the drugs. I realized that when I made the decision to leave the city. It wasn’t the drugs that I was hooked on; it was the lifestyle. They go hand-in-hand. I always thought I was an addict, but it wasn’t until tonight that I realized I craved the acceptance of the crowd I was running with, not the drug itself; I’m doing just fine without them now.

“It’s cool. I get it. That’s why we moved up here. My whole family needed a change of scenery, especially my brother. If we stayed in Brooklyn much longer, he would have ended up in jail, and been completely useless to us.” His brother sounds like a real fucking winner. But then again, who am I to judge?

I can’t help but smile. This dinner is exactly what I needed. I happily pig out on my cheese fries with gravy, savoring the greasy diner taste of every last one. It is so refreshing to have my appetite back. Two days have gone by and each day I feel a little bit better. I feel healthy, stronger. Like I am regaining the control I have been desperate for my entire life.

“I was on a bad path. I got shit I need to figure out on my own.”

River nods, and continues eating. The conversation continues for hours. We sit there like old friends, going back and forth about trivial shit. The deep part of the conversation is over and carefree nonsense flows. We laugh about pop culture bullshit. He makes fun of my tattooed sleeve of My Little Pony’s and he feels like the little brother I always wanted. Sorry, Journey and Paisley, but there was way too much fucking estrogen in our family.

We both pay our respective tabs and drive back to the motel, still continuing to laugh and joke like old friends. I pull my car into the dirt parking lot, occupying the same spot as earlier, when I notice the black motorcycle pulled up on the walkway in front of the office again. He is here.

We go our separate ways, making plans for another “family dinner” the following night. I think the boy is searching for something more than I can give him. But then again, most kids his age are. I just know I can see a good friendship developing between the two of us, and that is as far as I can let it go.

I lock myself in my room and open the shades so I can view the dark and empty lot. I hope to catch another look at the hot stranger on the motorcycle again.

An hour later, I’m sitting in front of my laptop when I hear the slam of a door somewhere. Maybe it’s him? I find my body working on autopilot and heading for the door. I grab the car keys and pretend I desperately need something out of my car. Without a sweatshirt to protect me from the cold New York fall night, I make my way for the car.

The cold November air is fucking freezing, and I realize this wasn’t the best thought out plan. I pop the trunk and start rummaging when I hear his voice. Deep and sultry.

“You are gonna get yourself sick like that.” He’s serious. His voice is fatherly and stern. A distinct tone of authority rings through it. Before I can turn around, I can feel his body towering over mine. He’s standing directly behind me. I’m not sure if I am scared or fucking thrilled. But there is one thing I know for sure; his voice alone has my cunt slick.

“I’m a big girl, but thanks for the concern, Dad ,” I sass him. I’m pretty sure it was a bad idea, but I can’t help but laugh to myself. I don’t turn around and he continues to stand behind me. I figure he is thinking about his next move. I find the rogue shoe I was searching for in a cheap attempt to attract his attention. I stand upright and slam the trunk closed.

“Does Cinderella have a name?” he asks as I turn around, and when we make eye contact, I am completely sucked in. Done for. My fucking will is gone. It is replaced by animalistic desire for this sexy as fuck stranger.

“I prefer Cinderella, but if you must know, my real name is Star.” I give him a wink and head for my room. Heavy steps follow me; with each step, his boot meets the dirt with a loud thud. Not surprising for such a large man. I stop at the door, reaching for the keys.

“You following me, Prince Charming?”

I guess we are playing a fairytale game now, because he lets out a laugh. It is deep and goose bumps spread across my body. Maybe it is just the cold. I want to convince myself of that, but the fact is, the sound virtually made me come in my panties. Shit. I am in trouble.

“You gonna invite me in, Cinderella?”

No. I am not. The new Star wants to say no. The old Star is already naked on the bed. What would the middle of the road Star do? Maybe I should invite him in? Fuck. I hate making decisions, especially ones that seem so fucking important. I know this is going to be life changing, no matter what choice I make.