Tymber Dalton: Stoneface

She started to push past him to retreat to the RV when the guest room door swung open. Jack stood there, freshly showered and a dark, unreadable expression on his face.

“Tim,” he said in a soft voice that didn’t sound like him, “can I have a few minutes alone with her, please?”

“Yeah. Sure.” He planted a kiss on top of her head before walking out.

Jack stepped in and closed the door behind him, leaning against it. She wished he didn’t do that, so she had an easy escape route back to the RV.

She shouldn’t feel like this, like a rabbit in a snare. That’s not what love was supposed to be about. At least, that’s not the way it was in her books.

In her books, when the heroine felt like this it was a clue to run like hell without a look behind.

“I do love you,” he insisted when he finally spoke.

“You can’t answer my question yet, though, can you?”

“I’m not going to lie to you. Does it matter why this happened? Really? I love you for who you are. That’s what I realized while you were gone, that I missed you and loved you. You. I made the worst mistake of my life by sending you away, and I’ve regretted it ever since. If I could take it back, I would. Yes, I’m a stupid jerk. I admit it. Yes, we all rushed into this, but I don’t regret that we met you, and I do love you. What do I have to do to convince you how I feel?”

Part of her wanted to blurt it out right then about meeting and talking to Pete. She couldn’t bring herself to do it. “Why can’t you open up about Melodie? About Pete?”

“Because it hurts too fucking much, that’s why. What difference does it make this many years later when it can’t change anything? She’s dead, he’s in jail, and it ruined my life.”

They stared at each other for a long moment. “I’m sure Tim doesn’t think of your life together like that,” she said. “As ruined. According to him, you’re the center of his universe.”

“He was the first good damn thing to happen to me after losing them. Her. After losing her.”

Gwen had an epiphany. “Do you still love Pete?”

His jaw tightened. “I wake up every fucking morning hating him for taking her away from me.”

“That doesn’t answer my question. You can hate someone and still love them. God knows that’s the way I feel about my sister and father.”

He started to answer her, his mouth opening, then snapping shut again, shock on his face. He stared at her for a long time in silence. Then without speaking, he turned and left.

She stood there with her heart racing, waiting to hear him slam the bedroom door shut. Instead, she heard the front door open and shut and his truck start. Before she could run outside and stop him, she spotted his taillights disappearing down the driveway in the dark.

Tim rushed into the foyer. “What happened? Where is he?”

“He’s dealing with a revelation,” she softly said. She would have simply thought he was trying to deal with his anger except for what she saw just before he left.

Tears in his eyes.

Jack pounded his fist against the steering wheel as he drove. He didn’t bother wiping his tears away.

He’d spent all these years ignoring what sat right in front of him. The deep pain, the ache that refused to go away. More than wanting vengeance or justice.

Wanting them back.

Wanting him back.

Everyone from his mother to the counselor who’d tried to help him harped on forgiveness, not for Pete’s sake, but for his own. Unfortunately, his anger encased his heart and what little charity remained in him, preventing him from offering any forgiveness, even just to give the idea lip service. No chance of faking it until he could really mean it.

How could he forgive the man who, in one stupid instant, left him alone and grieving?

A man who, yes, he still loved. With that one question, Gwen had forced him to admit the one thing he desperately avoided thinking about all these years.

He still loved Pete. Even if Pete walked through his door he wouldn’t get back together with him, but there was still a part of his heart and a locked room full of memories in his brain that missed the fun times, the passion-filled nights.

The man he thought he’d spend the rest of his life with. Pete, and then the three of them together after they fell in love with Mel. And all those years, he’d fought against grieving those good times because Pete was the same man who’d taken it away from him. Pete didn’t deserve his grief. He only deserved his anger.

He damn sure didn’t deserve his forgiveness.

Did he?

He drove for a while before pulling off in Keystone, near Rushmore, where he could look up and clearly see Washington and a little bit of Jefferson. Tim called him Stoneface. Most of the past years, he’d felt more like Stoneheart. Afraid to give anything away.

How had Tim put up with him? When faced with possibly losing Gwen again, why the hell couldn’t he do this? Why couldn’t he put the past to rest and enjoy the present? Tim and Gwen both wanted to love him, and he loved them.

Why couldn’t they be enough for him to turn his back on that time in his life? On his anger?

After pulling himself together he turned the truck around and drove home. Gone nearly an hour, Tim would probably be going crazy worried about him. He’d left his cell phone on the counter and they couldn’t get hold of him. He pulled into his usual place in the driveway and had almost reached the front door when it flew open and Tim rushed out.

“Are you okay?”

He nodded and let Tim pull him in for a hug. “I need to talk to Gwen. I’m sorry I ruined dinner.”

“It’s okay. We waited for you.”

Gwen looked up from the couch when he walked in. He tipped his head toward the hall and she understood. She stood and followed him back to the guest room, where he closed the door behind them and pulled her down to sit with him on the bed.

He didn’t release her hands. “I do love you,” he said. “Yes, maybe the fact that you look like her played a role in how fast we all got together. But you’re not her. I know that, and I love you for who you are, not for who I wish you were.”

She nodded, but didn’t interrupt him.

He took a deep breath. “You’re right,” he softly admitted. “I do still love Pete. Not like I used to, obviously. But there’s a part of me who never quit loving him and that hurt more than anything.” He looked into her eyes and was surprised to see her smiling. “What?”

She threw her arms around him and hugged him. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For trying.”

He hugged her harder. “Does this mean you won’t leave?”

“As long as you promise to keep trying and don’t shut me out again.”

“I promise, baby.” He kissed her, wanting to cry at how sweet she tasted and how good she felt in his arms. “I promise I won’t stop trying. You and Tim may need to give me a nudge here and there to remind me if I’m shutting down again, but I’ll keep trying.”

“That’s all I ask.”

Gwen wanted to sob with relief but somehow held it together. He couldn’t have given her a more perfect answer if she’d written it for him. With her heart feeling a thousand pounds lighter, she let Jack lead her down the hall to the kitchen where Tim had put dinner out. Thank god it was stew and vegetables, along with a huge salad, so nothing was ruined by the delay.

Tim acted nervous, glancing at the two of them. Even after she sent him a reassuring smile, which he returned, he still seemed on edge. They’d just finished eating and she was helping him clear the table when the doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it.” Tim rushed toward the foyer.