Sophie Oak - Found in Bliss

The Audi peeled out of the parking lot like the devil was chasing it.

“I think the Congressman might have peed himself.” Caleb said the words, but Alexei didn’t see any humor in them. His friend stood there, grim-faced and hopeless. “You didn’t have to do that. My brother is a big boy. Trust me, he can handle himself. It wouldn’t be the first time someone tried to use a scandal to bring down a Sommerville campaign.”

It would be the first time Alexei had been used in such a way. He wouldn’t stand for it. “It is my problem to handle. Not his.”

Caleb ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t understand you. Why the fuck would you think that? I don’t get anything about you. Why the hell are you here?”

How could he make Caleb understand? This didn’t work if they didn’t watch out for each other. “I love Holly. She is better part of me.”

“Then why the fuck didn’t you go after her?” Caleb asked, his eyes straying down the road where Holly had taken off.

Alexei took a long breath. This was a gamble, but he’d never been known for playing it safe. “Because you are part of me, too.”

Caleb shook his head, his eyes returning to Alexei. “God, you’re confusing.”

He wasn’t arguing. “I am not. You are just not as smart as you think.”

Caleb stopped and stared, and then a smile crossed his face. He laughed from deep in his belly. He laughed, doubling over. “I’m definitely not as smart as I think. I’m stupid. So fucking stupid.”

Caleb’s laugh turned into something sad. Alexei felt it in his heart.

“I don’t know what to do,” Caleb admitted. “I know what my instinct is. I should leave.”

“Your instinct is stupid.”

“She doesn’t want me.”

“She is scared,” Alexei explained, though he thought it should be evident. “She needs you. And you need her. Please to be thinking about this. She thinks you loved your wife.”

“I didn’t,” Caleb replied, his voice hard with guilt. “And I hate myself for that. I did what was expected of me. I did what I had been taught to do. I married Caroline, and then I just knew I needed something more.”

“Will you need more than Holly?” Alexei knew the answer, but he wanted to hear Caleb say it.

Caleb didn’t even hesitate. “No. I love her. Fuck. I said it. I love her. I just don’t think I deserve her. My brother is capable of giving me hell. I don’t think he will. I think as long as I stay out of the spotlight, he won’t care what I do as long as I’m happy. He’s not a monster, but he could say something. He could make her feel bad. I can’t promise that some pushy reporter won’t find out. I knew she would feel this way, and I took her anyway. I need to leave. I need to let her be happy with you.”

They really did need him. He’d worried about his place, but it was obvious now. Caleb was a brilliant man, a kind man. He was the kind of man the world needed, but he’d been broken in a way that left him incapable of trusting himself. He needed someone who didn’t mind kicking a little ass—even his.

“You not go. You will stay. You will stop with the aching belly and begin to grow back your balls. This is not worthy of you. Our woman is out there. She is alone, and yet you stand here worried that she will not forgive. Make her forgive. Give her something. Give her your story. Tell her why you are afraid. Tell her why you don’t sleep with her.”

Caleb’s eyes came up.

“Yes,” Alexei explained. “I see closet. I am man with curious nose.”

“You’re nosy,” Caleb corrected. “You’re a nosy bastard. And I’m not bellyaching. I can’t change who I am.”

“So stubborn. You already changed. You changed when you agree to be with her. And don’t be telling me you were just there for sex. You were in love, simply not man enough to say. Be man, Caleb. Be the man you were when you decide to walk away from wealth to help people. Be the man you are in your soul, not the one who is too scared to reach out for what he needs.”

“I sleep in a fucking closet because I can’t stand to be in the open.” His hands went to his hair, shoving it back even though there wasn’t enough of it to fall in his face.

Alexei shrugged. “This we can handle. We make nice closet for you. We tuck you in and close door.”

“Damn it. You don’t get it. You make this sound easy, but it isn’t.” Caleb practically growled his frustration.

Alexei found himself oddly calm. He understood Caleb far better than his friend could know. “No, you make hard because it easier to live with than to let go. You cling to pain because you know it. It is familiar. It is blanket. You think I do not understand? When I close eyes, I see my brother. I do not see him as he was. I see him dead. I see the blood as though that was only thing that mattered about him. Blood. Everywhere. One bullet reduced him to a mess on the floor that someone had to clean. I see this when I close eyes at night. And I force myself to think one thought of him. I think about day he teach me to skate. I replay that day in my mind. The air is crisp and cold around me, but my brother’s smile is warm. He is patient. He teach me what he knows. That was my brother. That was his life. He was taken from me. I take him back. You had something taken from you. Are you strong enough to take back?”

“You’re a fucking bastard.” Caleb’s eyes closed, and when they opened again, there was a suspicious moisture there. “I love her. I don’t want to let her go. I don’t want to let this go.”

Alexei reached out and gripped his friend’s shoulder, something deep inside falling into place. “Then don’t let go.”

“You know you’re using me as a substitute for your brother. You have to see that.”

Maybe he was, but it couldn’t hurt anything. He saw Caleb for what he was. Caleb was nothing like Mikhail with the exception of the fact that Alexei cared for both. “It is more than that, but even if it was, I am good brother. I would be good brother to you. I would not be letting you down.”

A little gleam of hope entered Caleb’s green eyes. “I can’t ask for more than that. Alexei, I sometimes walk in my sleep. I hit the walls. I kick at the furniture. It’s more complicated.”

Alexei had wondered if a lot of Caleb’s problems didn’t stem from this. This was a simple thing to fix. “No, it is simple. When you get out of bed, I will wake you and put you back in. Your body will learn.”

“And if I hurt Holly?” There it was. Alexei could see it now. This was Caleb’s greatest fear.

“I will not allow it. You have to trust me or this will not work. You have to know that I will protect her, even from your demons.”

Caleb finally nodded. “Yes. Yes, I want this. I’m pissed at her right now, though.”

“I am angry myself. She walked away. She is not allowed to do such a thing. I believe a spanking is in order.” His little dushka didn’t know what she’d done. He’d practically begged her not to walk away. He’d been willing to grovel, but it appeared she needed something more.

“I think she does deserve a spanking. And a good one.”

Alexei turned and saw Logan Green staring at him.

“You really believe that shit you just spit?” The deputy’s voice was tight.

“Yes, I believe. And it apply to you, too. Something bad happen to you. You are the one allowing it to change you. You are the one allowing it to beat you. I let this darkness inside beat me for years and years. I let it take my youth. You are on same path. You can hate me all you like, but this I know.”

“You don’t know shit, man.” Logan stalked past him and pulled the door open and slammed into his Bronco, gunning the engine. He backed out without bothering to look behind him, the wheels peeling away.