Sophie Oak: Pure Bliss

She shook her head, trying to rid herself of the thought.

She had no idea where she was going to stay. Her boss lived in a tiny cabin with his wife, twins, and Zane Hollister. Zane alone could take up all the space. Logan was gone. Cam was in the same situation as Nate. The remaining deputy lived with his girlfriend and best friend.

She was screwed. Well, she hadn’t been screwed in years, and that was part of her problem.

“Are you sure? I have a big place. My wife hasn’t made a lot of friends. She’s a sweetheart. She’s also pregnant, so you would have to deal with that.”

Everyone was pregnant in Bliss. It only made sense that it would transfer outward to Alamosa and Del Norte. Everyone was starting families and moving forward in their lives, and all she seemed capable of doing was staring at James Glen. God, why was she so attracted to a man-whore? He was a man-whore. There was no other way to describe him. He slept with all the freaking ski bunnies who checked into the Elk Creek Lodge. He slept with anyone who didn’t need more than one or two nights with him.

She needed a drink. It reminded her of the fact that she hadn’t eaten all day. That was how she used to play. No food. Nothing to mitigate the effects of the alcohol. “How’s the coffee?”

Trev smiled. “It’s crap. And it does its job.” He poured her some coffee into a little Styrofoam cup. “You did right, you know. Coming here. When the pressure builds, you gotta get in here. You gotta talk about it. Who’s your sponsor?”

She sniffled. Kate had moved on, too. “She left a couple of months back. She moved to California. I’ve only been here about a year. I guess I’m a little lost without her. I could call, but it’s not the same.”

Trev got one of the napkins on the table and quickly wrote out a number. He passed it to her. “You need to find another sponsor. I know I can’t be your official sponsor because I’m a guy, but I can still listen. I’ve been sober for one thousand seventy days. I know we’re supposed to take it one day at a time, but I fully believe I won’t take another drink for the rest of my life. I won’t drink or do a drug. I love something more than myself, more than any high. If you need me, I’ll be there for you. Please call me. I like to be needed.”

Yes, what she needed was a gorgeous god to tell her troubles to. It was hard to look at Trev and see addict. He was one of those people the universe had blessed with amazing looks and charm. And yet, despite all of that, he was here with the rest of them. Maybe everyone had a well of sadness lurking no matter how perfect their lives seemed. She took the number. “Thank you. I appreciate it. You might not. I might turn out to be the neediest thing you’ve met.”

He laughed, the sound a deep rumble from his chest. “I doubt that. You’ve never met pro wide receivers. Now that is a needy class of people.”

He’d mentioned something about football when he’d told his story to the group earlier. She didn’t follow the sport, but it seemed Trev had been popular. She simply pushed the napkin into the pocket of her jeans. It was something to think about. She missed Kate. She couldn’t talk about her past with her friends in Bliss. Keeping it all inside was starting to fester like an untended wound. Maybe if she found someone to talk to again, she would be able to sleep at night. Maybe she was seeing ghosts that weren’t really there. “Thanks.”

She shuffled out of the small church where Alcoholics Anonymous held daily meetings. It was a sparsely populated part of the country, but there was always someone here.

Only Nate Wright knew what she’d been through, and even he didn’t know the full extent. It was a burden she was finding it difficult to bear alone even after all these years.

She got into her piece-of-crap Corolla and wondered how much Gene would charge her to stay at the Movie Motel. If it wasn’t already full. There was a convention coming this week. Psychics and Wiccans were coming out to test the ley lines or something. Hope wasn’t sure about any of it, but she’d overheard Nell and Henry talking about the possibility of finding the doorway to other planes. They were sure there was a doorway located somewhere in Bliss.

Hope turned on to 160 and wondered if this other plane would be better. Maybe on some alternate plane, she hadn’t fucked up the way she had on this one. Of course, according to Nell, the other plane was filled with warring faeries or something. And she’d mentioned vampires, but they were corporate types. It had been a trippy conversation, but then Nell was known for those.

She let her mind drift. She was happy in Bliss, but she wondered if it wasn’t time to move on. If Christian’s former followers ever found her…she wouldn’t think about that. Wouldn’t think about him. Except it was hard. It was always right there on the edge of her consciousness. It teased and taunted her. It had been almost ten years, and she could see it, smell it. God, she could still smell the blood. She could still feel the scream that was forever trapped in her throat.

And when she looked in the mirror, she could still see the girl she’d been at seventeen. The stupid, idiotic, wretchedly selfish girl she’d been. She wondered if her mother still cursed her name or if it had been so long that she’d forgotten the daughter who had so disappointed her.

Tears covered her eyes, making a watery mess of the road in front of her. She’d run so hard, but it was still there. It might always be there. She glanced down at the time. She’d been driving for a while. The turn for the Great Sand Dunes National Park was just to her right. She’d spent a perfect day there once. Logan had invited her along with his friends. It had been high summer, and everything had been in bloom. The dunes went on forever, as though she’d been transported to a different world. James Glen had been there. They had brought a picnic and ate and then splashed in the creek that ran along the dunes. The sun had been hot, but the water was cool. It ran off from the mountains. She’d turned her face up to the sun and for a while imagined that she was James’s girl. She’d imagined that cowboy’s smile was just for her and that she deserved it.

She imagined a world where he would never discover what she’d done.

Yes, it was time to leave Bliss. It was time to lose herself in a city where no one cared. She loved Bliss, but sometimes it was all too much. She didn’t deserve the people who tried to help her. If only they knew.

She heard a weird popping sound, and her car swerved as if of its own volition. Damn it . She was still miles from Bliss, but there was no way to avoid the fact that a noxious cloud was currently billowing from beneath her car’s hood. She struggled, but managed to get the car off to the side of the road.

The engine died. It made a sad little sighing sound, and everything went dark. No lights on the dash. No sounds from the radio.

It was the perfect end to a shitty week.

She tried her cell, but there was no reception. And probably no minutes left, either. It was almost the end of the month. She was stuck on the side of the road with no phone, no car, and everything she owned was piled in her trunk and the backseat.

She put her head down and just let herself cry.

Noah turned his truck to the west and wondered for the four hundredth time that day just what he was planning to say to his brother. Days on the road and he still hadn’t figured it out. His stomach turned as he realized that the Circle G wasn’t more than forty minutes away. Forty minutes and then he would have to stand in front of his brother. Noah turned to his companion, his best friend in the world.