Даниэла Стил - Royal

“Do you ever think of marrying again and having more?” he asked her shyly when they were at the lake.

“No, I never think about it,” she said, not wanting to talk about it with him. “Annie keeps me busy, and I’ve had to bring her up alone.”

“You wouldn’t have to if you married again.” She had just turned twenty-one, and marriage was the farthest thing from her mind, or so she claimed. He was twenty-six, and had just gotten another promotion. It was clear now that when the stable master retired, Jonathan would take over for him. It was no longer just a wish, it was a sure thing. He was the most responsible man Lucy had ever known, and in many ways he reminded her of her father, who had been a good husband and father and a good man. But she didn’t want any man interfering with her relationship with Annie. She had assiduously avoided any involvements or entanglements with men. She had years ahead of her to bring up Annie, and Jonathan said he didn’t want to think of settling down until he was the stable master, and then he would have a cottage with his job. There would be plenty of time to think about marriage then, but not before that.

In spite of their determination not to marry, and caution about getting too involved in a romance, Lucy and Jonathan’s attraction to each other evolved slowly into a deep mutual respect, and a long, slow romance that became harder and harder to deny. When Annie was four and he had at long last become the stable master and earned one of the better cottages, he proposed. Lucy was twenty-two and he was twenty-seven, and he told her it was time. He wanted to marry and have children with her, which worried Lucy more than she wanted to admit.

“I’m not sure I could ever love another child as much as I do Annie,” she said when he mentioned children to her. “Everything about her is perfect, and I love her with my whole heart.”

“I think all parents feel that way, until they have the second child in their arms, and realize that they can love another baby as much,” he said sensibly.

“I’m not sure I could,” she said thoughtfully. To make up for the royal life Annie would never have, Lucy had devoted her whole life to her, heart and soul.

“It would be good for Annie to have a brother or sister. It will be lonely for her growing up as an only child,” he said, trying to convince her, but Lucy wasn’t sure. He kissed her to seal the deal then, and Lucy felt stirrings she had never felt before, which frightened her too. She wasn’t going to let passion run away with her as Charlotte had, and end up with an unwanted pregnancy. And what if she died in childbirth? Who would take care of Annie then?

“I would,” he said without hesitating when she shared her fears with him. He was surprised by how frightened she was of going through childbirth again. “You’re not going to die,” he said gently. “You’re a strong girl, Lucy. You’ve been through it before and survived. Women have babies every day and come through it. I’m sure it’s not easy, but it can’t be that bad or no one would ever have a second child. Was it very bad when you had Annie?” he asked, and she was touched by the compassion in his eyes. She couldn’t tell him that Annie’s mother had bled to death, but Charlotte was a tiny woman, and Annie had been a big baby. And the medical care was excellent in Kent. There were several very good midwives in the area, a number of fine doctors, and a hospital, they were close to London, and to reassure her, Jonathan said she could see a specialist there. “And I’d be with you.” He knew that her husband had already been dead before Annie’s birth, which must have made it hard for her too. She was young. Now he felt she could endure it, with good medical care and his help. He wanted desperately to marry her and have children of his own, although he loved Annie as though she were.

“How would you feel about her if we had other children? Would you love her as much?” Lucy questioned him, and he didn’t hesitate.

“Of course I would. I wouldn’t stop loving her, or love her less because we had another child. Will you think about it? We don’t have to have a baby right away. But I want to be married to you.” He had an excellent job as stable master, and their employers were pleased with them. “It would be wonderful to live together in our cottage. My mother could take care of Annie when you’re at work. And any other children we have.” His mother still had a cottage on their old farm on the estate. He made it sound very appealing, but Lucy wasn’t sure. She had her life in perfect balance and control. She made a good salary and could provide for Annie. Adding a man to it, and possibly other children, sounded complicated to her. But Jonathan was so gentle and convincing, so loving, calm, and reliable that he eventually wore her down, and won her heart.

They were married at the local church just after Annie turned five, and Lucy twenty-three. She felt ready to take on a husband and all that it entailed. They fixed up his cottage together, and he painted a bedroom pink for Annie, who said it was her favorite color. They were married in the presence of their coworkers and employers, and everyone was happy for them. He was such a lovable man, and Lucy was a good woman, even though she was quiet and not as gregarious as he was. The wedding breakfast afterward in the church hall was a lively occasion. They left Annie with his mother, and went to Brighton for the weekend for their honeymoon. Rationing had finally eased up, and life had almost returned to normal, so traveling was possible. Lucy was nervous about their wedding night, because she didn’t want Jonathan to realize she was a virgin. She told him it was her time of the month when they got to the room, and he said he didn’t mind, and hoped she didn’t either. She gritted her teeth and didn’t let herself make a sound. The pain was sharp and brief, Jonathan was unaware that she’d lost her virginity to him, and when they made love again in the morning it was easier.

The war had ended four years before. The memories of tragedy had dimmed, and the scars had begun to heal. She no longer had nightmares about her parents dying in the bombing, which she never spoke of but were very real. She’d had them all during the war. She still dreamt of Charlotte sometimes too. Lucy’s worst fear was that Charlotte’s family would find out what had happened, learn of Annie’s existence, find them, and take her away. She couldn’t have survived losing Annie. They had lived with the story Lucy told for four years now, and Lucy had almost come to believe it herself. She knew she could never say anything to Jonathan about it. He would never understand, and he would be shocked. He still knew nothing of the real circumstances of Annie’s birth, and Lucy had no intention of telling him. It would be too difficult to explain, and he didn’t need to know. He still believed the fantasy of her being married to a man named Henry, and Annie being their child. He could never have imagined that Annie was a royal princess and another woman’s child. It was a secret Lucy intended to take to her grave. As Lucy planned it, no one would ever know, not even Annie when she grew up. Lucy was afraid that one day, if Annie found out, she might feel that Lucy had cheated her of a better life. She had done it purely out of love for her, and to some degree out of love for Annie’s father, but Annie might not understand it and long for everything she’d missed, grandparents, aunts, cousins, a family, and a royal life.

After their honeymoon, they settled into real life, as a working couple. His mother came to take care of Annie every day, or they dropped her off at her cottage. Jonathan’s mother loved having a grandchild.

Lucy had spoken to a local doctor about how to avoid getting pregnant at first. He had recommended condoms or a diaphragm. Jonathan agreed to use condoms for a while, and she tried to avoid conception with the rhythm method, avoiding sex at times. But six months after they married, fate intervened. They enjoyed a particularly energetic night of lovemaking, when Annie stayed with her adopted grandmother, and Lucy discovered afterward that the condom had broken. Her greatest fear was realized a month later when she missed her period and realized she was pregnant. It seemed so unfair to her that with only one slip she had conceived, and she cried when she told him. Jonathan could see how frightened she was, which made no sense to him since she’d been through it before. And all Lucy could think of was Charlotte bleeding to death hours after the birth, and she was terrified it would happen to her, perhaps as retribution for taking a child that wasn’t her own. But she had given her a good life, and a wonderful father in Jonathan, which she told herself compensated for what she’d done.