Susan Pfeffer - This World We Live In

“Anything you can do,” Dad said. “We’d be very grateful.”

“Share and share alike,” Mr. Danworth said, a cliché that would have fit right in the other night. “Will you folks be able to manage for another week?”

“We’ll have to,” Dad said. “You know how it is. We’re used to being hungry. As long as my wife has enough, we can get by.”

“A baby,” Mr. Danworth said. “That truly is a miracle.”

Dad grinned. “I wish I had pictures,” he said. “Miranda, isn’t Gabriel the most beautiful baby you’ve ever seen?”

I started to say, “Yes, Dad,” but I caught myself in time and said, “Yes, definitely,” instead. I know Dad caught it, but Mr. Danworth didn’t seem to notice.

“You know something?” Mr. Danworth said. “My wife and I, well, we have a bit saved up. I’m going to give you my bag, so your wife will have some for this week. A baby. That’s worth going hungry for.”

“Thank you,” Dad said. “You can’t know what this means to us.”

“Maybe I’ll come over one day and pay little Gabriel a call,” Mr. Danworth said.

“Any time,” Dad said. “We’d be honored.”

Dad and I talked a little bit on the ride home, since the wind was to our backs. Not that I was in much of a mood—although I was relieved about the extra food for Lisa. If nothing else, it means the rest of us won’t have to give up so much of ours.

“When Lisa had the baby at the evac camp, people did that,” Dad told me. “Not just Charlie. Lots of people. We had so little food, but people brought theirs for Lisa. Strangers who heard about the baby. It was so important to them that Lisa and Gabriel make it.”

“If Gabriel had been a girl, what would you have named her?” I asked.

“Abigail,” Dad said. “Abigail Hope Evans.”

There went the last of my Baby Rachel fantasies.

“Someday you’ll have children,” Dad said. “You and Julie and Syl. God willing, I’ll live to see that day.”

“Maybe someday,” I said. But the truth of the matter is when you spend your time thinking about your next meal and wanting your father to love you as much as he loves two strangers and trying to love your baby brother in spite of the fact that all he ever does is scream, it’s hard to wish for a baby of your own.

Maybe someday.

Maybe not.

For the second time in a week the doorbell rang.

Everything was different this time. Matt, Dad, Alex, and Charlie were outside chopping trees. Jon and Julie were in the back of the sunroom. Julie’s tutoring Jon in Spanish, which he’s developed a mad desire to learn in the past couple of days. Syl was upstairs while Mom and Lisa were sitting cross-legged on the mattress, talking about what supplies Dad and Lisa could take to Mrs. Nesbitt’s house. Gabriel was lying in his crib, taking it all in. And I was giving the kitchen a thorough cleaning, which is a lot easier with running water, even if the water is gray.

I looked out the kitchen window and saw Mr. Danworth standing at the back door. I was the farthest one away but the only one standing, so I walked over and let him in.

“I thought I’d pay a call on the baby,” he said, which I knew meant “I thought I’d come over and make sure there really is a baby that I gave up a week of my food for.”

“There he is,” I said, pointing to the crib that used to be Mom’s sweater drawer. “Gabriel, I’d like you to meet Mr. Danworth. He’s in charge of feeding your mommy.”

“Wow,” Mr. Danworth said, bending for inspection. “What a big boy you are. He’s quite the bruiser, isn’t he.” He turned around and saw Lisa. “You must be Sally Nesbitt,” he said.

Lisa smiled. “Isn’t he beautiful?” she said. “My Christmas miracle.”

“Your husband mentioned he was born on Christmas,” Mr. Danworth said. “Your family must have gone through a lot since then.”

“Everyone has,” Lisa said. “And we have Gabriel.”

“He’ll be crawling soon,” Mr. Danworth said. “Getting ready to explore the world.”

Lisa nodded. “He’s going to make the world a better place,” she said. “Not just for me, for all of us. He was born for a reason, I’m sure of it.”

“That wouldn’t surprise me one bit,” Mr. Danworth said. He looked over our little domestic scene. “Hello, Laura,” he said to Mom. “And Jon. Good to see you. Who’s your friend, Jon?”

“I’m Julie,” she told him. She hesitated so slightly I may have been the only one to notice. “Dad and Alex and Uncle Charlie are outside,” she said. “With Matt. If you want to talk with them.”

“I’ll give them a quick hello on my way out,” Mr. Danworth said. “I can’t get over this baby. Bob and Miranda told me all about him, but before I saw him with my own eyes, well, frankly I couldn’t believe it. A baby here in Howell. It gives you faith.”

“Would you like to hold him?” Lisa asked. “Gabriel’s used to strangers. He won’t mind.”

“Can I?” Mr. Danworth asked. He bent down and picked Gabriel up. Gabriel, who still screeches at the sight of me, smiled at Mr. Danworth and tried to take his glasses off to play with.

Mom and Lisa and Julie were all beaming like Gabriel had pushed the moon back into place. Even Jon was grinning.

“You’re quite the fella, aren’t you,” Mr. Danworth said. “You know, I could be holding the president of the United States in my arms right now. It wouldn’t surprise me one bit.”

Gabriel made some kind of gurgling noise in agreement, and everyone laughed. Well, everyone except me.

Because for the first time I really thought about Gabriel’s future. If he exists, other babies must also. But how many of them will survive the next year, the next decade? I’ve had sixteen good years and one horrible one, but for Gabriel, for all the Gabriels, their whole lives will be like my one horrible year. Only I had the good years to see me through. What will they have?

And I finally figured out why Mom is willing to give up so much for her ex-husband’s baby. Gabriel isn’t just Dad’s baby. He’s Dad’s future, Lisa’s future. He’s all our futures, even Mr. Danworth’s. Every day Gabriel lives and grows a little bigger, a little stronger, is a miracle.

I stood there, and it’s the stupidest thing, but tears started streaming down my face. It was Julie who walked over and gave me a hug.

“It’s all right,” she said. “You can love him, too.”

Mom is madly happy that Jon is interested in schoolwork, so she’s taken over teaching him and Julie. Alex seems pleased that Julie’s getting any kind of instruction, and with Dad and Charlie around, Jon isn’t needed for the firewood anymore.

Mom asked both Syl and me if we wanted to join them, but neither one of us is interested in algebra. Lisa and Syl are doing Bible study, and in the evenings Dad and Charlie join them.

So I volunteered to get started on cleaning Mrs. Nesbitt’s house. All that domesticity was getting on my nerves.

Cleaning Mrs. Nesbitt’s is a big job, and tomorrow I’ll ask for volunteers. But for one day I figured being alone would be nice. The plan is for Dad, Lisa, and Gabriel to sleep in the kitchen, since that’s where the woodstove is, and Alex and Charlie will sleep in the parlor and Julie in the dining room. Then, when Alex and Julie leave, Charlie will move into the dining room, since that’s warmer.

But now even Mom doesn’t want Alex and Julie to go. She knows once they do, it’ll be back to chopping wood for Jon, and she’ll never be able to get him interested in schoolwork again. And I think she’s hoping Alex’s may-Is and thank-yous will rub off on me.