Darina Grotto - Unlimited

Having left the university, the girl turned out to be in the nearest park, holding strongly the philosophy notebook under her armpit. Being devastated Victoria was sitting on the bench, got and believed nothing. She had to make herself read more examination cards. What a disgusted touch of nature! Keeping in mind these passions coming forth one still waited until for the last moment and then, having waited, got into nirvana: head was in lather, deadlines were violated, leadership checked guillotine and whittles the stick for their asses, colleagues and students competed who was going to be the first to be impaled. There was no plan but chaotic movement. On the one hand, that acting was understandable. Could you imagine how bored student would be, if they prepared for everything in advance? They would never know what meant when stomach twisted as if it were full of death angels; when tongue talked nonsense with no communication with brain; and when turmoil was finally over and in the contrary to all expectations, lathered head got its ‘good on you’.

On the other side if people prepared for their performance in advance, others would make a good pile of money, thanks to calmative herbs well sold and then thanks to ruptured ulcer treatment, happened because of owing to a nervous condition.

Victoria was tried to memorize anything for the exam, but her head rejected that stupid and uninteresting idea. It wanted to think of bad guys… of Kharon. It wanted to make itself believe that everything had been just a dream, that she had made up another faked fairy tale to believe in. Her thinking was interrupted with a phone call. That was Daniel.

‘Yeah?’ the girl said tiredly having thrown back her head to the sky.

‘Hi, Vic, I’ve come back already, the business is over, it’s okay now. Wanna see you. Shall I call on you?’

‘Daniel, I…’ Vic started her exculpatory speech, ‘I’m in the park now, studying philosophy. If you want, come here, we’ll be drinking coffee and speaking.’

‘What park?’ the young man asked being inspire.

‘What park?’ the girl re-asked surprisingly looking around. ‘The one near my university.’

‘Hm, give me 20 minutes, I’ll be there. Wait for me, ok?’ he asked flirting.

‘Ok.’ Vic got off the cell and looked ahead.

Emptiness. There was nothing in her head. Only fantan noise. The wind was playing with red hair, rustling fresh leaves. Everything that Victoria could understand at that moment was that each nerve and cell of her body wanted to see Kharon.

At such moments many people suffered from unbearable and unanswered love. They wanted to cut their veins to calm insurgent pain down. Picture of beloved haunted them day and night, not letting mind alone for a second. Bottom of stomach was twisted because of unexpected and unreasonable thoughts. There were only wild schemes where beloved finally condescended and kissed them. While an imagined picture was touching with its lips, wrapping its arms around, mind was walking away to be lost. They couldn’t say no yet to themselves or imagination, they could only yield to it, absolutely refusing common sense. They couldn’t eat, drink, there was a beloved in dreams, there’s a dream about the beloved in the reality… Oh dear God, could it be love? Did people really think and call it love? What an uncommon bullshit! Love, for sure, was a brutal and unbridled bitch, knowing nothing about pity and mercy. It was like a plague and there’s no treatment for it. No true love could be treated with medicine… only death could help and oppressive silence after it.

In fact, there was more dangerous thing than love and it is severer. It doesn’t have time to wait and make mad. It has obligation to deprive of sleeping and sense for very short terms. No, it’s not an infatuation or sexuality. It’s passion. Like a match passion burns a human and he or she, burning inside, runs and looks for a place to plunge to calm the fire down that ruthlessly licks off skin pieces and gets closer to head. If a person felt passion once he perfectly gets what it is about, how much it hurts and how weak a person comes. Of course, he or she’s weak not only in moral way but in physical, getting exhausted also. Passion is like a gigantic tapeworm, stuck in and sucked it dry to the very last drop. But a human keeps on crying “I love you”. He or she still has no idea that faced with no love. He or she is alone on passion ship in a tremendous storm, in the middle of eternal ocean. And the ship is about to sink down. The man is afraid of saying “I want you” … He doesn’t believe these words. He believes “I love you” but love isn’t aware about it. He calls it love to justify his animal lust. People have the greatest faith in that the difference is very big: to say to a woman “I love you” and “I wanna fuck you” . There is difference only for linguists actually, but in life there is no difference. Love between sexes means “I wanna fuck you”.

But in the context of just passion then “I love you” means nothing. This is not necessary yet. Passion has already put its fingers into Victoria, having troubled her minds. At that moment she wanted just to see him…

‘Here you are!’ Daniel appeared on the path. ‘I’ve run around the whole park already, finally I’ve found you. I called you… you didn’t answer.’

The young man followed her hands with his eyes: the cell was strongly clutched in her fingers.

‘I suppose it’s no use to say that you didn’t hear it…’ Daniel sat near her. ‘Why, Vic? What’s wrong?’

Vic shifted her gaze. She knew the end was close but had no idea what to say.

Breaking up is always difficult, especially, if everything seems to be fine. Just feelings happen to be gone… And a wild passion intrudes a habit to live with someone. And you can’t pretend anymore that you love.

‘I know all.’ She said in a low voice aside.

‘You know what?’ a note of alarm sounded in his voice.

‘I know where and whom you were with.’ Victoria looked in Daniel’s eyes. The young man looked concerned definitely.

‘Who told you?’ he asked.

‘What difference will that make?’

‘It’s a lie…’

‘The thing that you are telling? Yes, it’s a lie. Why’re you unable to admit your lying? Why do you prefer to tie yourself into knots but not to stop lying? Enough is enough, Daniel!’

The young man put his hand to his face. He fetched a sigh and looked ahead. Victoria was looking at him and waiting for his answer.

Suddenly minute speck of dust and dried spurs rolled over the road. An unexpected wind blew them up. It was strong and warm. Her loose hair was swung in the wind, hiding her face. She frowned and looked at where the unnatural wind was blowing from. In some new leaves which flying head over heels Kharon was walking through them.

The horror possessed Victoria, her hands shook, fear little by little paralyzed her body.

Kharon wasn’t alone, there was a girl walking with him on his arm. She was mumbling something but Kharon wasn’t listening to her. He was devouring Victoria with his squinty eyes. There was a vague disembodied smile on his lips.

The wind twitched his hair and shirt tail. Everything seemed to be changing infinitely fast except the demon’s look.

“What a lovely picture. You are plotting against how to break up, aren’t you? I shall help you. Her name is Julia. A blond. She is 22. She has got a car and a rich father. Her eyes are blue. They made love three times in the Indian Ocean, four times in a hotel room and once on the plane when they had a flight there. She has got a very beautiful undergarment and she loves sex. She does not need any obligations. Think more. Any ideas?”