James Moore - The Haunted Forest Tour

Hannah looked out into the audience, first at where a tyke sat with his mother and father and then where a couple of preteens could be seen. The people took the hint and the little kid left with his mother and father. One of the preteens stayed, but the other left with her father.

“The reason for my warning is that a big part of what Mark and I do is perform autopsies on the creatures that live in the Haunted Forest.”

Mark smiled as he stepped back up to the microphone. “I’m sure you’ll all be disappointed to hear that we won’t be performing an autopsy in front of you.” The audience groaned in mock disappointment.

“Unless any of you volunteer to lie on the table, of course,” said Hannah.

I’d love to have you lie on the table , thought Mark, which was the same thing he thought every time she used that joke.

Hannah’s joke earned a few chuckles from the audience. It was easy to work with them, because they were there to be amused. They were hyped as hell and excited about the trip they were about to take.

Given what they had paid to be here, keeping the visitors happy was extremely important.

It was also a good chance for Mike and Hannah to strut their stuff.

Mike stepped back and let Hannah do the talking. She took care of the main speech, and they took turns handling the questions afterward.

“We’ve been investigating the Haunted Forest since shortly after it first showed up. That’s right, long before we allowed a tour into the dark and scary woods, we started investigating and cataloguing everything we could find. And believe me, there’s been a lot to find.”

Hannah pointed to Mike and he flicked the ON switch for the projection screen. The first image showed up, an extreme close-up of an ogre’s mouth, all of the teeth in full display. The gums were black, and the huge teeth were put into perspective by a ruler that clearly showed the smallest of them was over four inches in length.

They’d had the fortune to run across a decomposing ogre a couple of years back. The body was still in cold storage, and from time to time, just to scare himself, he read over the autopsy notes and reexamined the facts. Muscular density was four times what it was for a human being, and the bones were almost as dense as petrified wood. A creature that should have already weighed in at close to a thousand pounds, the ogre corpse was closer to a ton. When you counted in the missing limbs and decomposition of the body, that was pretty damned scary. When you added in that the corpse belonged to an adolescent ogre, it was terrifying.

The good news was that they had never run across a living ogre. Mark suppressed a pleasant shiver at the thought.

Mark and Hannah continued the half-hour presentation, stopping on several occasions to answer questions even though they usually asked people to hold their questions until the end. It was one of the most excited, interested crowds they’d ever had.

It was going to be one fun Halloween.

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Haunted Forest Tour!”

Christopher and Mindy sat near the back of the tram. It held about forty people total, with only two people per row so that everybody got a window seat. They’d boarded after passing through a metal detector, an X-ray machine, and receiving a generous pat-down search. “Biggest thrill I’ve had in years,” his mother had said with a grin.

“My name is Barbara, and I’ll be your tour guide today,” said the perky young brunette in the park ranger uniform. She stood up front, speaking into a microphone. “I’m so glad you could be here for this special Halloween event. Is everybody excited?”

The crowd indicated that, yes, indeed, they were quite excited.

“Good. Now what I want everybody to do is knock on your window. Go ahead. Knock on it.”

Christopher knocked on his window as instructed.

“The reason I asked you to do that is not because we want somebody to answer the window.” Barbara waited for polite laughter. “No, I wanted you to see that the windows are very solid. They may look like glass, but they’re actually made out of a very special kind of plastic with a long scientific name. The creatures in the Haunted Forest are far from domesticated, and some may come right up to the tram, but rest assured, they can’t get in to eat you.”

Most of the tourists laughed.

“Also, the bottom of the tram is a giant electronic magnet that our driver can turn on with the flick of a switch. If he does that, not even a team of charging rhinos could knock us off the track. And since you’re all wearing your seat belts, you can enjoy the rhino attack in safety and relative comfort. Are there any questions or concerns about your safety while onboard? Good.”

The young boy seated in front of Christopher, who was probably about six years old, looked as if he had plenty of questions or concerns about his safety while onboard, but his father winked at him and ruffled his hair.

“It’s important to remember that this is a real forest,” said Barbara, “and we’ve only just begun to explore it. There are no animatronic animals out here. This means that your tour will be—say it with me—unpredictable. Your driver will be focusing on driving, and though I’ll be watching for interesting sights, I only have two eyes. Therefore, it’s your job to not be shy and to let the rest of us know if you see something. Just raise your hand and we’ll stop the tram. Another tram will be following about half an hour behind us, so we can’t hang out forever, but we do want to make sure that all of you get a chance to see the fascinating sights within this forest. Are there any questions?”

A man raised his hand. “What if we don’t see anything?”

“Well, then we’ll be forced to erase the memory of each and every one of you to ensure that you don’t tell anybody about your disappointing experience. No, of course I’m only kidding. Believe me, the forest is well inhabited, and I guarantee that you’ll see things you never imagined. I would like to take this opportunity to warn you that some of the sights may be disturbing. These aren’t all cute fuzzy little animals. Some of them may be quite frightening. But it’s Halloween, and that’s why you’re here, right?”

“Hell yeah!” said Mindy.

“Heck yeah is right,” said Barbara. “So fasten your seatbelts, unfasten your imagination, ask the person next to you for permission to grab them if things get scary, and get ready to experience the awesome sights of… the Halloween Haunted Forest Tour!”

The lights illuminating the inside of the tram suddenly turned red. “Mood lighting,” Barbara explained. “We do that just to put you in a spooky mood. Is everybody in a spooky mood? Good.” The lights went back to normal.

Christopher grinned as the tram began to move. The next batch of tourists waved them goodbye. The tram left the small station and glided slowly and silently along the tracks. It was a beautiful, sunny day, and the Haunted Forest loomed ahead.

“If you want to wimp out, I’m sorry to inform you that your last opportunity for cowardice expired, oh, about fifteen seconds ago,” Barbara informed the group. “If you wish to close your eyes and hide under the seats, please be aware that there’s not enough room under there for even the tiniest of children, and that we cannot guarantee your comfort. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we’re about to leave the world that you know and love behind in five… four… three…”

Christopher almost wanted to giggle. He didn’t, though.

“…two… and… one !”

The tram entered the path cut in the forest and was immediately cast into darkness. Not total darkness, more like gloom, but there was definitely very little hint of the beautiful, sunny day. Christopher peered out his window and strained to see what was out there.