James Moore - The Haunted Forest Tour

Barbara shook her head. “Bug spray.”

“ Big -bug spray?”

“No. Mosquito repellent. I think it was a joke. But at least we have flashlights.”

“Here we go,” said Eddie, taking one of the flashlights as they came upon a small staircase. Christopher watched as he cautiously disappeared up the stairs, then called out, “We’re cool!” a moment later.

The survivors walked up the flight of stairs (getting Brad up them was a real bitch) and followed Eddie into a small room. It had a desk, some computer equipment that was covered with a thick layer of dust, and a couple of chairs. Somebody’s office.

As Barbara shut the office door and waved her flashlight around, Christopher and Lee carefully lay Brad on the floor. Tina cradled his head in her lap.

“This seems reasonably safe,” Eddie noted. “Everybody take five and then we’ll figure out what to do.”

“What are the chances of a rescue party finding us here?” asked Christopher.

“Unless we can find a way to contact headquarters, I’d say it’s pretty much non-existent. The only way they’d find us is if we stayed near the tracks. But, of course, if we stayed near the tracks, we’d all get eaten.”

“So what do we do?”

“Me, I’m going to rest up here for a while, then I’m heading back.”

Christopher gaped at him. “Are you serious?”

Eddie nodded. “Hell yeah.”

“Why would you come all the way over here, and then go all the way back?”

“We had a feeding frenzy going on. Think of it like sharks. You can float around in the ocean for quite a while without getting bothered by them, but if you’re swimming with somebody who cuts their finger and those bastards smell blood, you’re screwed. There are monsters chowing down on whatever’s left of the tourists right now, but once they finish their meal, they’ll wander off. I’m not saying it’s gonna be safe , but it shouldn’t be anywhere near as bad as it was before. Anyway, it’ll just be me.”

“Let’s not split up just yet,” said Lee. “Maybe we can contact somebody. I’d much rather hang out here than in the forest.” He flipped on the power switch to the computer. Nothing happened.

“You didn’t really think that was going to work, did you?” asked Eddie.

“No, but we would’ve felt pretty stupid if we waited here for two weeks and then found out we had a live high-speed Internet connection available.”

“Touché.”

“Do we really want to just wait for help?” asked Mindy. “It seems to me like we’d be better off doing what we’ve been doing, and see if we can just walk out of here.”

“Well, see, that’s another possible plan,” said Eddie. “Our opportunities are limitless. The whole world is in front of us, if we just hitch our wagon to a star.”

“You’re a very obnoxious young man.”

“An obnoxious young man who saved all of your asses.”

“An obnoxious young man who put our asses in danger to begin with.”

“I beg your pardon? Are you trying to blame this on me ?” Eddie stepped forward, looking way too pissed for Christopher’s comfort.

“Hey, whoa, everybody settle down,” said Christopher, stepping between Eddie and his mother. “We’re supposed to be taking a break. Let’s just catch our breath, gather our thoughts, and figure out how we’re going to get out of this mess.”

“Here’s what we’re going to do,” said Lee. “We’re going to go around the room, and everybody is going to share one unusual thing about themselves. We’ll start with our driver.”

“Screw you.”

“One unusual thing. Let’s hear it.”

“I’m not in the mood for games, old man.”

“It’s a team-building exercise. C’mon, now, you can’t tell me that somebody who carries around grenades doesn’t have anything unusual to share about himself.”

Eddie gave him the finger.

“We’ll come back to you.” Lee turned his attention to Tina. “What about you? One unusual thing.”

“I don’t want to play.”

“Sure you do.”

“I… I can touch my nose with my tongue.”

“Let’s see it.”

Tina extended her tongue and briefly touched it to the end of her nose.

“That is absolutely astonishing,” said Lee. “I salute you. What about you, young man?” he asked, ruffling Tommy’s hair. “What’s weird about you?”

“Lots of stuff.”

“For example?”

“I dunno.”

“Just name one.”

“I can burp longer than anybody in my class.”

“No, you can’t. A little guy like you? I don’t believe it.”

“I can.”

“Prove it.”

Tommy took a few gulps of air, closed his eyes, then let out a belch that lasted for a full ten seconds.

“I stand corrected!” said Lee. “You are truly a talented young man. Someday you’ll be president of the United States. Keep up the good work.” He looked at Christopher. “And you?”

“Well, I don’t know if I’ll have a job when I get back on Monday.”

“And that’s unusual?”

Christopher chuckled. “Maybe not. I do have to say that the experience of facing my boss doesn’t seem so bad anymore.”

“Perhaps Eddie will let you borrow one of his grenades.”

“Now there’s an idea.”

“Okay, I’ll let you get away with the job answer,” said Lee. “What about you, Barbara?”

“Before I got this job as a tour guide, I used to work at a meat packing plant, and I’m a vegetarian.”

“You were a vegetarian before you got the job?”

“Yes.”

“And it didn’t make you want to become a carnivore?”

“Nope. It solidified my decision.”

“Okay. Good answer. And you, Mindy?”

Mindy smiled. “I like Rob Schneider movies.”

“No, you’re supposed to share a true thing about yourself.”

“It’s true. I have them all on DVD.”

“She’s telling the truth,” Christopher admitted. “Oh, God, how I wish she weren’t.”

“Okay, well, let’s move on. Brad, what about you? Brad?”

Brad lay silently on the floor.

Oh, shit, thought Christopher, staring at the man’s unmoving body. But, no, he was still breathing, if only faintly.

“We’ll excuse him,” said Lee. “Back to you, Eddie.”

“Screw you still.”

“Why do you find it necessary to be so rude?”

“I guess I’m just an unpleasant human being.”

“You realize that there’ll be book and movie deals galore once we get out of this. Do you really want to be known as the prick?”

“Fine. I have a tattoo of a cougar on my ass. How about that?”

“That’s sufficient. No evidence is necessary.”

“So what about you?” Christopher asked Lee.

“Oh, there’s nothing unusual about me. I’m just your standard-issue debunker.”

“What’s a debunker?” Tommy asked.

“Somebody who proves that monsters don’t exist. Otherwise known as a complete idiot. So let’s discuss our plan of action.”

“Okay, here’s what I think,” said Christopher. “We need to figure out exactly where we are. The best way to do that is just climb a tree as high as we can. For all we know, we’re five hundred feet from the edge of the forest.”

“You volunteering?” asked Eddie.

“Sure.”

Mindy looked as if she wanted to protest, but then lowered her eyes and said nothing.

“You can’t go by yourself,” said Lee. “Who knows what kind of things are lurking in those trees? And no, I’m not volunteering. I’m in pretty good shape for my age, but I’m well past my tree-climbing days.”

“I’ll go,” said Tina.

Christopher looked at her in surprise.

“I don’t climb trees in my spare time, but I used to be a gymnast. I’ll go with you.”