Kathryn Dahne - Curse of the Nun

Sound and thought swirled away again, and left only the sense of memories behind.

THREE MONTHS LATER

Anna rolled over in bed to greet Mike who smiled sweetly at her. The morning sunlight was streaming into the bedroom, highlighting everything in a soft glow that seemed almost magical.

“Good morning,” Anna murmured, smiling back at her husband.

“Sleep well?” Mike asked her gently.

Anna nodded.

“Yeah, first good sleep in a while.”

Recovery had played merry hell with her ability to sleep comfortably. Pain kept her up as often as the nightmares had. For the first month, she had woken up screaming every time she closed her eyes. Part of her was very glad she couldn’t remember what she dreamed of, and part of her chafed at the mystery of it all. The Doctor had assured her that it was normal, and that eventually both the nightmare and the pain would lessen. Thankfully, he had been right. Anna was so glad that she was finally moving past that.

“Claire’s still at her sleepover,” Mike said. “Do you want to go somewhere?”

“Yeah!” Anna agreed enthusiastically.

Between the hospital and bed rest, once she’d been discharged, Anna had about enough of being cooped up. Mike allowed himself to be talked into a shopping outing. Anna knew he wasn’t at all upset about going, but they had both enjoyed Anna’s methods of persuasion.

Anna had spotted a little thrift store on their way to the mall and had begged Mike to make a stop there first. The clothes hung on circular racks, separated by size and nothing else, all colors and styles thrown together. She spent a good while trying on outfits, mostly just for the fun of it. At first she had stayed close to what she usually wore, Mike watching indulgently from a little stool that had been set up near the dressing room, but something just didn’t settle right. She ran her hands along the racks fingering jewel-toned blouses speculatively. Things were so different now. Perhaps it was time to let go of the angry teenager at last. She lingered on one sundress in particular, and almost guiltily ducked into the changing room with it.

She slipped the sundress over her head. It was white with tiny red rosettes printed on it. It was about as from her usual baggy grays and blacks as she could get. Looking at herself in the mirror, Anna smiled hesitantly. She was surprised at how much she liked it. She looked good . She could look in the mirror and, for the first time, not see the same person who got hurt over and over again by her choices. She stepped out of the changing room to show Mike.

“Wow…” Mike uttered softly.

Anna eyed him nervously. Her confidence from moments before faltered slightly. What if Mike didn’t like the idea of a new Anna?

“Good wow or bad wow?”

“Definitely good wow. You look amazing.”

Anna smiled at him, a weight lifting off of her shoulders.

“Thanks. I can’t believe I like it this much,” she admitted.

“I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen you wearing not black,” Mike teased.

Anna walked over to the full-length mirror and gave a little twirl.

“I hope you’re not doing this because you think I like it,” Mike added more seriously.

“No. I want to do it.”

It might seem silly, but the sundress made her feel good about herself. She felt like a woman, and not a victim. It was time to put all the horrible things that had happened behind her. Let them stay in the past where they belonged.

“I’m shocked, frankly.”

Anna did another twirl and smiled.

“I want to move on. I’m leaving behind the old me.”

Mike stepped up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her shoulder.

“I’m really proud of you,” he said.

“Thank you. I’m not ditching the attitude though.”

Mike laughed. “I wouldn’t want you to.”

Anna drove them home. She had enjoyed the day out, but she could feel the physical strain it had put on her mostly healed wounds. She held the steering wheel one handed as she tossed back her pain medication with the other.

Mike turned the bottle over in his hands reading the label. Demerol.

“Dr. Palmer gave you these?” He asked, a note of concern in his voice.

Anna smiled at the worry in his tone. She didn’t blame him for his apprehension, but it wasn’t like it was before. She was grateful for the relief from pain, but she didn’t crave them all the time.

“Yeah.”

“But they’re—”

“I know,” Anna replied.

“Does he think that’s safe?” Mike questioned.

Anna gave a little half-shrug. She was confident that it wouldn’t be an issue, but Mike being there as a backup just in case was comforting in its own way.

“Well, all the other medications made me sick. I’ll be fine as long as we keep an eye on it,” Anna reminded him.

“As long as you feel safe.”

Anna smiled to herself.

“I do,” she replied confidently. “I can handle it now.”

“This has really changed you,” Mike commented.

“Most near-death experiences do,” she said wryly.

“Even ones you don’t remember?”

Anna frowned at little. She was still a bit torn on how she felt about the memory loss. She didn’t like that there was this awful gap in her mind, but if the nightmares were any indication, there wasn’t anything good about remembering. That’s what she kept telling herself anyways.

“Well I remember recovering in the hospital. That’s still scary.”

She didn’t even truly remember much of that, just random flashes. More impressions than actual memories. Some of which she wasn’t entirely sure weren’t just dreams themselves.

“True,” Mike agreed readily.

“It’s not a bad change is it?” She asked, insecure again.

She liked the idea of a clean slate and a fresh start, but she couldn’t bear the thought of disappointing Mike. Not after all he had done for her.

Mike shook his head.

“No, not at all. You feel peaceful.”

Anna smiled to herself. She liked that.

“That’s a good word. Peaceful.”

They had decided to plant flowers out in front of the new house. Claire had insisted on tulips, and there were now baskets of bulbs laid out next to the beds, separated out by what color they would bloom. Anna was half of the mind to see if she could use the bulbs to spell out something rude, but resisted the temptation for Claire’s sake. Claire and Mike had spent the morning covered in dirt up to their elbows and Anna had never felt happier. She watched, amused, as Claire waddle-carried a large bag of mulch over to them. Anna clapped enthusiastically as Claire deposited it next the flowerbed they were working on with a triumphant huff.

“Look at you!” Anna crowed. “You’re not all brains after all!”

“Still want to go out for track next year?” Mike asked Claire, smiling broadly.

“Track or basketball,” Claire replied. “Depends on the coach.”

“I can’t believe they let you skip fifth grade,” Anna said, not for the first time.

She was so proud of Claire. It was hard, watching her baby grow up so fast, but she couldn’t be happier for Claire. Her daughter had all the opportunities Anna wanted for her, everything she had never had herself growing up and promised herself that Claire would not do without. Anna was still amazed that she had somehow managed to secure it for her.

“I think I’m ready for middle school,” Claire said bravely, her face set in a determined expression.

“No one is ready for middle school,” Mike replied sagely.

Anna stood up and brushed the dirt off of herself as an old car pulled up at the end of the driveway.