Абрахам Меррит - Creep, Shadow!

"Progressive hallucination," de Keradel said. "From sight to hearing, from hearing to smell. And then the color centers of the brain become involved. All this is obvious. Yes?"

Bill paid no attention; continued: "He went to sleep, abruptly. He awakened next morning with a curious exaltation of spirit and an equally curious determination to evade me. He had but one desire – that the day should end so that he could meet the shadow. I asked, somewhat sarcastically: 'But how about the other girl, Dick?'

"He answered, plainly puzzled: 'What other girl, Bill?' I said: 'That other girl you were so much in love with. The one whose name you couldn't tell me.'

"He said, wonderingly: 'I don't remember any other girl.'"

I stole a swift glance at the Demoiselle. She was looking demurely down at her plate. Dr. Lowell asked:

"First, he could not tell you her name because of some compulsion? Second, he told you he remembered nothing of her?"

Bill said: "That's what he told me, sir."

I saw the color drain from Lowell's face once more, and saw again a lightning-swift glance pass between the Demoiselle and her father.

De Keradel said:

"A previous hallucination negatived by a stronger one."

Bill said:

"Maybe. At any rate, he passed the day in a mood of mingled expectancy and dread. 'As though,' he told me, 'I waited for the prelude of some exquisite event, and at the same time as though for the opening of a door to a cell of the condemned.' And he was even more resolved not to see me, yet he could not be easy until he knew whether I had or had not found something that might account for his experiences. After he had talked to me he had gone out, not for golf as he had told Simpson, but to a place where I could not reach him.

"He went home to dinner. He thought that during dinner he detected fugitive flittings from side to side, furtive stirrings of the shadow. He felt that his every movement was being watched. He had almost panic impulse to run out of the house 'while there was still time,' as he put it. Against that impulse was a stronger urge to stay, something that kept whispering of strange delights, unknown joys. He said – 'As though I had two souls, one filled with loathing and hatred for the shadow and crying out against slavery to it. And the other not caring – if only first it might taste of those joys it promised.'

"He went to the library – and the shadow came as it had come the night before. It came close to him, but not so close that he could touch it. The shadow began to sing, and he had no desire to touch it; no desire except to sit listening forever to that singing. He told me, 'It was the shadow of song, as the singer was the shadow of woman. It was as though it came through some unseen curtain… out of some other space. It was sweet as the fragrance. It was one with the fragrance, honey-sweet… and each shadowy note dripped evil.' He said: 'If there were words to the song, I did not know them, did not hear them. I heard only the melody… promising… promising… '

"I asked: 'Promising what?'

"He said: 'I don't know… delights that no living man had ever known… that would be mine – if…"

"I asked: 'If what?'

"He answered: 'I did not know… not then. But there was something I must do to attain them… but what it was I did not know… not then.'

"Singing died and shadow and fragrance were gone. He waited a while, and then went to his bedroom. The shadow did not reappear, although he thought it there, watching him. He sank again into that quick, deep and dreamless sleep. He awakened with a numbness of mind, an unaccustomed lethargy. Fragments of the shadow's song kept whispering through his mind. He said: 'They seemed to make a web between reality and unreality. I had only one clear normal thought, and that was keen impatience to get the last of your reports. When you gave me them, that which hated and feared the shadow wept, but that which desired its embrace rejoiced.'

"Night came – the third night. At dinner, he had no perception of lurking watcher. Nor in the library. He felt a vast disappointment and as vast a relief. He went to his bedroom. Nothing there. An hour or so later he turned in. It was a warm night, so he covered himself only with the sheet.

"He told me: 'I do not think I had been asleep. I am sure I was not asleep. But suddenly I felt the fragrance creep over me and I heard a whisper, close to my ear. I sat up –

"'The shadow lay beside me.

"'It was sharply outlined, pale rose upon the sheet. It was leaning toward me, one arm upon the pillow, cupped hand supporting its head. I could see the pointed nails of that hand, thought I could see the gleam of shadowy eyes. I summoned all my strength and laid my hand on it. I felt only the cool sheet.

"'The shadow leaned closer… whispering… whispering… and now I understood it… and then it was she told me her name… and other things… and what I must do to win those delights she had been promising me. But I must not do this thing until she had done thus and so, and I must do it at the moment she kissed me and I could feel her lips on mine – '

"I asked, sharply: 'What were you to do?'

"He answered: 'Kill myself.'"

Dr. Lowell pushed back his chair, stood trembling: "Good God! And he did kill himself! Dr. Bennett, I do not see why you did not consult me in this case. Knowing what I told you of – "

Bill interrupted: "Precisely because of that, sir. I had my reasons for wishing to handle it alone. Reasons which I am prepared to defend before you."

Before Lowell could answer, he went on swiftly: "I told him: 'It's nothing but hallucination, Dick; a phantom of the imagination. Nevertheless, it has reached a stage I don't like. You must take dinner with me, and stay here for the night at least. If you won't consent, frankly I'm going to use force to make you.'

"He looked at me for a moment with the subtle amusement in his eyes intensified. He said, quietly: 'But if it's only hallucination, Bill, what good will that do? I'll still have my imagination with me, won't I? What's to keep it from conjuring up Brittis here just as well as at home?'

"I said: 'All that be damned. Here you stay.'

"He said: 'It goes. I'd like to try the experiment.'

"We had dinner. I wouldn't let him speak again of the shadow. I slipped a strong sleepmaker into a drink. In fact, I doped him. In a little while he began to get heavy-eyed. I put him to bed. I said to myself: 'Fellow, if you come out of that in less than ten hours then I'm a horse doctor.'

"I had to go out. It was a little after midnight when I returned. I listened at Dick's door, debating whether to run the risk of disturbing him by going in. I decided I wouldn't. At nine o'clock the next morning, I went up to look at him. The room was empty. I asked the servants when Mr. Ralston had gone. None knew. When I called up his house, the body had already been taken away. There was nothing I could do, and I wanted time to think. Time, unhampered by the police, to make some investigations of my own, in the light of certain other things which Ralston had told me and which I have not related since they are not directly related to the symptoms exhibited. The symptoms," Bill turned to de Keradel, "were the only matters in which you were interested – professionally?"

De Keradel said: "Yes. But I still see nothing in your recital to warrant any diagnosis than hallucination. Perhaps in these details you have withheld I might – "

I had been thinking, and interrupted him rudely enough: "Just a moment. A little while back, Bill, you said this Brittis, shadow or illusion, or what not, told him that she was no demon – no Succubus. You started to quote him – 'She said she was – ' then stopped. What did she say she was?"

Bill seemed to hesitate, then said, slowly: "She said she had been a girl, a Bretonne until she had been changed into – a shadow of Ys."