Шарлин Харрис - Dead and Gone

“Oh,” I said, getting up to leave, and then I stopped, shifting from foot to foot. I took a deep breath. “By the way, Eric and I are married now.” If I’d hoped I’d get to make my exit on a light note, my judgment was way, way off. Sam leaped to his feet and grabbed me by the shoulders.

“What have you done?” he asked. He was deadly serious.

“I haven’t done anything,” I said, startled by his vehemence. “It was Eric’s doing.” I told Sam about the knife.

“Didn’t you realize there was some significance to the knife?”

“I didn’t know it was a knife,” I said, beginning to feel pretty pissed but still maintaining my reasonable voice. “Bobby didn’t tell me. I guess he didn’t know himself, so I couldn’t very well pick it up from his brain.”

“Where was your sense? Sookie, that was an idiotic thing to do.”

This was not exactly the reaction I had anticipated from a man I’d been worried about, a man on whose behalf I’d been working my butt off for days. I gathered my hurt and pride around me like a jacket. “Then let me just take my idiotic self home, so you won’t have to put up with my idiocy any longer,” I said, my voice even enough to support a level. “I guess I’ll go home now that you’re back and I don’t have to be here every single minute of my day to make sure things are running okay.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, but it was too late. I was on my high horse, and I was riding it out of Merlotte’s.

I was out the back door before our heaviest drinker could have counted to five, and then I was in my car and on the way home. I was mad, and I was sad, and I suspected that Sam was right. That’s when you get the angriest, isn’t it? When you know you’ve done something stupid? Eric’s explanation hadn’t exactly erased my concerns.

I was scheduled to work that evening, so I had until then to get my act together. There was no question of my not showing up. Whether or not Sam and I were on the outs, I had to work.

I wasn’t ready to be at home, where I’d have to think about my own confused feelings.

Instead of going home, I turned and went to Tara’s Togs. I hadn’t seen a lot of my friend Tara since she’d eloped with JB du Rone. But my inner compass was pointing in her direction. To my relief, Tara was in the store alone. McKenna, her “helper,” was not a full-time employee. Tara came out of the back when the bell on the door rang. She looked a little surprised to see me at first, but then she smiled. Our friendship has had its ups and downs, but it looked like we were okay now. Great.

“What’s up?” Tara asked. She looked attractive and snug gly in a teal sweater. Tara is taller than I am, and real pretty, and a real good businesswoman.

“I’ve done a stupid thing, and I don’t know how I feel about it,” I said.

“Tell me,” she commanded, and we went to sit at the table where the wedding catalogs were kept. She shoved the box of Kleenex over to me. Tara knows when I’m going to cry.

So I told her the long story, beginning with the incident in Rhodes where I’d exchanged blood with Eric for what turned out to be one too many times. I told her about the weird bond we had as a result.

“Let me get this straight,” she said. “He offered to take your blood so an even worse vamp wouldn’t bite you?”

I nodded, dabbing at my eyes.

“Wow, such self-sacrifice.” Tara had had some bad experiences with vampires. I wasn’t surprised at her sarcastic summation.

“Believe me, Eric doing it was by far the lesser of two evils,” I assured her.

Suddenly, I realized I’d be free now if Andre had taken my blood that night . Andre had died at the bombing site. I considered that for a second and moved on. That hadn’t happened and I wasn’t free, but the chains I wore now were a lot prettier.

“So how are you feeling about Eric?” Tara asked.

“I don’t know,” I said. “There are things I almost love about him, and things about him that scare the hell out of me. And I really . . . you know . . . want him. But he pulls tricks for what he says is my own good. I believe he cares about me. But he cares about himself mostly.” I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, I’m babbling.”

“This is why I married JB,” she said. “So I wouldn’t have to worry about shit like this.” She nodded, confirming her own good decision.

“Well, you’ve taken him, so I can’t do that,” I said. I tried to smile. Marriage to someone as simple as JB sounded really relaxing. But was marriage supposed to be like settling back in a La-Z-Boy? At least spending time with Eric is never boring, I thought. Sweet as he was, JB had a finite capacity for entertaining conversation.

Plus, Tara was always going to have to be in charge. Tara was no fool, and she’d never be blinded by love. Other things, maybe, but not love. I knew Tara clearly understood the rules of her marriage to JB, and she didn’t seem to mind. For her, being the navigator/captain was a comforting and empowering role. I definitely liked to be in charge of my own life—I didn’t want anyone owning me—but my concept of marriage was more in the nature of a democratic partnership.

“So, let me summarize,” Tara said in a good imitation of one of our high school teachers. “You and Eric have done the nasty in the past.”

I nodded. Boy howdy, had we.

“Now the whole vampire organization owes you for some service you performed. I don’t want to know what it was, and I don’t want to know why you did it.”

I nodded again.

“Also, Eric more or less owns a piece of you because of this blood-bond thing. Which he didn’t necessarily plan out in advance, to give him credit.”

“Yep.”

“And now he’s maneuvered you into the position of being his fiancée? His wife? But you didn’t know what you were doing.”

“Right.”

“And Sam called you idiotic because you obeyed Eric.”

I shrugged. “Yeah, he did.”

Tara had to help a customer then, but only for a couple of minutes. (Riki Cunningham wanted to pay on a prom dress she’d put on layaway for her daughter.) When Tara resumed her seat, she was ready to give me feedback. “Sookie, at least Eric does care about you some, and he’s never hurt you. You could’ve been smarter. I don’t know if you weren’t because of this bond thing you have with him or because you’re so gone on him that you don’t ask enough questions. Only you can figure that out. But it could be worse. No humans need to know about this knife thing. And Eric can’t be around during the day, so you’ll have Eric-free time to think. Also, he’s got his own business to run, so he’s not going to be following you around. And the new vampire execs have to leave you alone because they want to keep Eric happy. Not so bad, right?” She smiled at me, and after a second, I smiled back.

I began to perk up. “Thanks, Tara,” I said. “You think Sam will stop being mad?”

“I wouldn’t exactly expect him to apologize for saying you acted like an idiot,” Tara warned me. “A, it’s true, and B, he’s a man. He’s got that chromosome. But you two have always gotten along great, and he owes you for you taking care of the bar. So he’ll come around.”

I pitched my used Kleenex into the little trash can by the table. I smiled, though it probably wasn’t my best effort.

“Meanwhile,” Tara said, “I have some news for you, too.” She took a deep breath.

“What is it?” I asked, delighted that we were back on best-friend footing.

“I’m going to have a baby,” Tara said, and her face froze in a grimace.

Ah-oh. Dangerous footing. “You don’t look super-happy,” I said, cautiously.